NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. I can tell you that there were definitely posts that stated names of schools and talked about girls from them who had been accepted to NCS. I reported those posts to the moderators (they seem pretty responsive if you use the "report" button) and those posts were removed. I agree with the poster a few pages back (also not me) who talked about the evolving toxic nature of the thread as a whole. If your post doesn't fall in that category, great.

That's different then. That was indeed mean.

This also means the rest of us don't remember these posts because we never saw them.

Fair enough. I think the poster who worked at a school and said the thread was toxic probably saw them -- by the time I reported them they were not the most recent posts. The fact that 16:04 appears to be soliciting more such "mean girl from School X" posts is a bit troubling to me, as well.

I do think that the overall discussion about atmosphere/climate at a school in general is fair game -- I'm interested in what people think the school itself should be doing differently (don't admit mean girls is what I see so far).

I am the poster who works at another school who talked about the toxic nature of the posts. I am glad to hear they've been removed, as they were personal in nature and seemed the very embodiment of what some criticize NCS for. I'm happy to see that another teacher wrote on here what I've been thinking all along - that most adolescents change and grow and from my experience, very few are the same kid they were 3 or 4 years before, let alone 8 or 9. It is indeed one of the joys of working in education.

I'd also point out that a lot of the top leadership has changed in the last few years. There is a new upper school director and a new middle school director over the last 2-3 years. I've been impressed with what I've heard of both through colleagues. So posters relating horror stories from their DD's time, even a year or two ago, should recognize that maybe the school figured out there were problems and has brought people in who have a different way of operating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. I can tell you that there were definitely posts that stated names of schools and talked about girls from them who had been accepted to NCS. I reported those posts to the moderators (they seem pretty responsive if you use the "report" button) and those posts were removed. I agree with the poster a few pages back (also not me) who talked about the evolving toxic nature of the thread as a whole. If your post doesn't fall in that category, great.

That's different then. That was indeed mean.

This also means the rest of us don't remember these posts because we never saw them.

Fair enough. I think the poster who worked at a school and said the thread was toxic probably saw them -- by the time I reported them they were not the most recent posts. The fact that 16:04 appears to be soliciting more such "mean girl from School X" posts is a bit troubling to me, as well.

I do think that the overall discussion about atmosphere/climate at a school in general is fair game -- I'm interested in what people think the school itself should be doing differently (don't admit mean girls is what I see so far).

I am the poster who works at another school who talked about the toxic nature of the posts. I am glad to hear they've been removed, as they were personal in nature and seemed the very embodiment of what some criticize NCS for. I'm happy to see that another teacher wrote on here what I've been thinking all along - that most adolescents change and grow and from my experience, very few are the same kid they were 3 or 4 years before, let alone 8 or 9. It is indeed one of the joys of working in education.

I'd also point out that a lot of the top leadership has changed in the last few years. There is a new upper school director and a new middle school director over the last 2-3 years. I've been impressed with what I've heard of both through colleagues. So posters relating horror stories from their DD's time, even a year or two ago, should recognize that maybe the school figured out there were problems and has brought people in who have a different way of operating.

Thanks, your perspective is helpful to the overall discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

Does the parent body share responsibility? I would argue they do -- I hear so much of a focus on colleges from NW DC parents with children of that age group that I'm not surprised that by junior year the girls get so hyper-secretive and stressed about the college process, and that that leaches over into the rest of school life. I suppose in the end a lot of it comes down to money -- if people are spending over $35,000 per year in tuition, many parents are going to focus more on the destination (college) than the journey (high school), and the schools will also feel pressure to keep that college admissions record strong. That means admitting the highest testers, offering the most rigorous academic offerings, etc.

To focus on the positive, most of the people on the thread seem complimentary of the sports program at NCS or NCS/STA for the coordinate teams. The sports are a part of the school, so that's something the school is doing right.

PP former NCS mom and I agree completely. I think the parents drive a lot of the problems. But the school doesn't have to rise to the bait. They can try to counter the negative parental culture and they really don't do that. This also gets back to admissions. There are plenty of bright kids out there with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture.

[Anonymous]

Ncs has definitely not resolved their problems...any "nurturing" seems almost forced...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

Does the parent body share responsibility? I would argue they do -- I hear so much of a focus on colleges from NW DC parents with children of that age group that I'm not surprised that by junior year the girls get so hyper-secretive and stressed about the college process, and that that leaches over into the rest of school life. I suppose in the end a lot of it comes down to money -- if people are spending over $35,000 per year in tuition, many parents are going to focus more on the destination (college) than the journey (high school), and the schools will also feel pressure to keep that college admissions record strong. That means admitting the highest testers, offering the most rigorous academic offerings, etc.

To focus on the positive, most of the people on the thread seem complimentary of the sports program at NCS or NCS/STA for the coordinate teams. The sports are a part of the school, so that's something the school is doing right.

PP former NCS mom and I agree completely. I think the parents drive a lot of the problems. But the school doesn't have to rise to the bait. They can try to counter the negative parental culture and they really don't do that. This also gets back to admissions. There are plenty of bright kids out there with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture.

Plenty of bright kids with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture...except that threads like this make those parents wary of visiting or seriously considering it as an option for DD. Of course, those positive parents shouldn't read such sites as this, right? But we all do, and it makes a difference - I've heard it from friends who I'd definitely consider positive parents with bright kids.

We didn't choose NCS for high school for DD, but it was clear throughout the application and acceptance (from meeting and talking with several teachers, numerous students, and fellow parents) that it was not at all the school portrayed here. I'm skeptical that any changes would deter posters from airing their complaints.

[Anonymous]

You cannot possibly comment here if you do not have a student at NCS. You have no idea what it is like for many.... They have a tremendous amount of work to do on the emotional side. It really is the child's and parents problem...not the school's....it could never be them! Ultimately, many of us just do what we need to do for our kids and let the school handle the academic side...I personally feel that I would not count on them for much else...and yes I have voiced this to the school....several times, the feeling I get is not much being done about any of it...AHHH, but the college placement is so good!!!!! Many like minded,I assure you,pp. yes,we can always leave...maybe we will! That should get the wait list thread going.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot possibly comment here if you do not have a student at NCS. You have no idea what it is like for many.... They have a tremendous amount of work to do on the emotional side. It really is the child's and parents problem...not the school's....it could never be them! Ultimately, many of us just do what we need to do for our kids and let the school handle the academic side...I personally feel that I would not count on them for much else...and yes I have voiced this to the school....several times, the feeling I get is not much being done about any of it...AHHH, but the college placement is so good!!!!! Many like minded,I assure you,pp. yes,we can always leave...maybe we will! That should get the wait list thread going.....

+1. This was our experience exactly. Any problem a girl had was solely the girl's problem. It was never a problem with other girls, the school, the atmosphere, the tone. And yet they see the same thing over and over again. I think they just want girls who are unhappy to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

Does the parent body share responsibility? I would argue they do -- I hear so much of a focus on colleges from NW DC parents with children of that age group that I'm not surprised that by junior year the girls get so hyper-secretive and stressed about the college process, and that that leaches over into the rest of school life. I suppose in the end a lot of it comes down to money -- if people are spending over $35,000 per year in tuition, many parents are going to focus more on the destination (college) than the journey (high school), and the schools will also feel pressure to keep that college admissions record strong. That means admitting the highest testers, offering the most rigorous academic offerings, etc.

To focus on the positive, most of the people on the thread seem complimentary of the sports program at NCS or NCS/STA for the coordinate teams. The sports are a part of the school, so that's something the school is doing right.

PP former NCS mom and I agree completely. I think the parents drive a lot of the problems. But the school doesn't have to rise to the bait. They can try to counter the negative parental culture and they really don't do that. This also gets back to admissions. There are plenty of bright kids out there with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture.

Plenty of bright kids with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture...except that threads like this make those parents wary of visiting or seriously considering it as an option for DD. Of course, those positive parents shouldn't read such sites as this, right? But we all do, and it makes a difference - I've heard it from friends who I'd definitely consider positive parents with bright kids.

We didn't choose NCS for high school for DD, but it was clear throughout the application and acceptance (from meeting and talking with several teachers, numerous students, and fellow parents) that it was not at all the school portrayed here. I'm skeptical that any changes would deter posters from airing their complaints.

How old? Did you talk to parents of recent grads or of girls in 10th, 11th or 12th grade?

[Anonymous]

I don't know that many very bright women who were very happy in high school -- it got better later. I think that's just how it goes with intense, academically competitive girls -- they are really hard on themselves.

I've heard the same complaints about the very top girls' schools in other cities (Boston, NY) as people air about NCS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

Does the parent body share responsibility? I would argue they do -- I hear so much of a focus on colleges from NW DC parents with children of that age group that I'm not surprised that by junior year the girls get so hyper-secretive and stressed about the college process, and that that leaches over into the rest of school life. I suppose in the end a lot of it comes down to money -- if people are spending over $35,000 per year in tuition, many parents are going to focus more on the destination (college) than the journey (high school), and the schools will also feel pressure to keep that college admissions record strong. That means admitting the highest testers, offering the most rigorous academic offerings, etc.

To focus on the positive, most of the people on the thread seem complimentary of the sports program at NCS or NCS/STA for the coordinate teams. The sports are a part of the school, so that's something the school is doing right.

PP former NCS mom and I agree completely. I think the parents drive a lot of the problems. But the school doesn't have to rise to the bait. They can try to counter the negative parental culture and they really don't do that. This also gets back to admissions. There are plenty of bright kids out there with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture.

Plenty of bright kids with parents who would contribute to a more positive culture...except that threads like this make those parents wary of visiting or seriously considering it as an option for DD. Of course, those positive parents shouldn't read such sites as this, right? But we all do, and it makes a difference - I've heard it from friends who I'd definitely consider positive parents with bright kids.

We didn't choose NCS for high school for DD, but it was clear throughout the application and acceptance (from meeting and talking with several teachers, numerous students, and fellow parents) that it was not at all the school portrayed here. I'm skeptical that any changes would deter posters from airing their complaints.

How old? Did you talk to parents of recent grads or of girls in 10th, 11th or 12th grade?

Yes. We have very good friends with DD in 11th. Have known kid since she was in diapers. Not a mean girl at all, and not a social butterfly. Also talked with friends with DD currently in 12th and one recently graduated. Their actual experience has been quite different from the stories on here. Two were athletes, which I imagine helped them adjust socially, but the 11th grader is not, and she is really happy.

[Anonymous]

To above poster, I think if you do not have child at NCS you really are just offering hearsay.... I have student at the school and have friends and neighbors in almost every grade and the stories are all very similar...iI have yet to hear of a parent that says their child is thriving at NCS. On paper...sure. We know it going in, the question is ,will we put up with it? Your child did not go to the school so why don't you go to your own s hooks thread and post there? I think that may better use of your time. A thought.

[Anonymous]

S hooks should say school's! Spell check...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot possibly comment here if you do not have a student at NCS. You have no idea what it is like for many.... They have a tremendous amount of work to do on the emotional side. It really is the child's and parents problem...not the school's....it could never be them! Ultimately, many of us just do what we need to do for our kids and let the school handle the academic side...I personally feel that I would not count on them for much else...and yes I have voiced this to the school....several times, the feeling I get is not much being done about any of it...AHHH, but the college placement is so good!!!!! Many like minded,I assure you,pp. yes,we can always leave...maybe we will! That should get the wait list thread going.....

Yes, basically this was our approach for everything...DIY. DD was a very successful student-athlete, her STA coaches were very nurturing and encouraging.

The academics were rigorous, we're grateful for that but really can't say anything else positive about the school. DD's college guidance counselor wasn't very good, but that didn't matter, we just needed the office to upload her transcript, recs, etc., in a timely manner and they did.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PP parent of former NCS student and can say that there are clearly several of us -- 3? 4? --posting similar things on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To above poster, I think if you do not have child at NCS you really are just offering hearsay.... I have student at the school and have friends and neighbors in almost every grade and the stories are all very similar...iI have yet to hear of a parent that says their child is thriving at NCS. On paper...sure. We know it going in, the question is ,will we put up with it? Your child did not go to the school so why don't you go to your own s hooks thread and post there? I think that may better use of your time. A thought.

"I have yet to hear of a parent that says their child is thriving at NCS"? Ok, here goes: My child is thriving at NCS. Now you've heard of one.

You think the previous poster is "just offering hearsay," but then you go on to offer the hearsay of your friends and neighbors?! Honestly, your comments are strident and unpleasant. You seem like a nightmare.