NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

Let's see -- identifying a specific employee, ripping her, and gloating that supposedly her kids did not get into prestigious colleges? Mean.

Saying "the meanest girl/biggest bully from our school is going to NCS," and then speculating or actually naming the school? Mean.

Assuming that a child's behavior in 4th grade will stay with them through high school or life? I won't call that ilk of post mean -- perhaps uneducated about adolescent girl development.

Not every post is mean, but plenty of them are. Maybe they see themselves as "hurt and shocked," though, that might explain the methodology of venomous posts condemning meanness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

Let's see -- identifying a specific employee, ripping her, and gloating that supposedly her kids did not get into prestigious colleges? Mean.

Saying "the meanest girl/biggest bully from our school is going to NCS," and then speculating or actually naming the school? Mean.

Assuming that a child's behavior in 4th grade will stay with them through high school or life? I won't call that ilk of post mean -- perhaps uneducated about adolescent girl development.

Not every post is mean, but plenty of them are. Maybe they see themselves as "hurt and shocked," though, that might explain the methodology of venomous posts condemning meanness.

I am a former NCS parent who has posted on this thread and I wrote none of these things. (Though I don't even understand the one about assuming 4th grade girls will stay that way.) And I know I'm not the only one. And while I have said nothing about this admissions director, I do think they have a problem with admissions. Schools can and do look for nice kids and for whatever reason NCS doesn't care. And, yes, I would describe myself as "hurt and shocked" though I didn't write that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

Let's see -- identifying a specific employee, ripping her, and gloating that supposedly her kids did not get into prestigious colleges? Mean.

Saying "the meanest girl/biggest bully from our school is going to NCS," and then speculating or actually naming the school? Mean.

Assuming that a child's behavior in 4th grade will stay with them through high school or life? I won't call that ilk of post mean -- perhaps uneducated about adolescent girl development.

Not every post is mean, but plenty of them are. Maybe they see themselves as "hurt and shocked," though, that might explain the methodology of venomous posts condemning meanness.

I am a former NCS parent who has posted on this thread and I wrote none of these things. (Though I don't even understand the one about assuming 4th grade girls will stay that way.) And I know I'm not the only one. And while I have said nothing about this admissions director, I do think they have a problem with admissions. Schools can and do look for nice kids and for whatever reason NCS doesn't care. And, yes, I would describe myself as "hurt and shocked" though I didn't write that.

So great -- your posts weren't mean. Do you agree that other posts were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

Let's see -- identifying a specific employee, ripping her, and gloating that supposedly her kids did not get into prestigious colleges? Mean.

Saying "the meanest girl/biggest bully from our school is going to NCS," and then speculating or actually naming the school? Mean.

Assuming that a child's behavior in 4th grade will stay with them through high school or life? I won't call that ilk of post mean -- perhaps uneducated about adolescent girl development.

Not every post is mean, but plenty of them are. Maybe they see themselves as "hurt and shocked," though, that might explain the methodology of venomous posts condemning meanness.

I am a former NCS parent who has posted on this thread and I wrote none of these things. (Though I don't even understand the one about assuming 4th grade girls will stay that way.) And I know I'm not the only one. And while I have said nothing about this admissions director, I do think they have a problem with admissions. Schools can and do look for nice kids and for whatever reason NCS doesn't care. And, yes, I would describe myself as "hurt and shocked" though I didn't write that.

I'm one of the other posters. I didn't write about where the employee's kids went to college, that was just one poster. And I don't remember a single poster linking a specific school with a bully that got into NCS. If you can point us to an example, please help us out by doing so.

So great -- your posts weren't mean. Do you agree that other posts were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have actually enjoyed the irony of multiple posters complaining about the "mean" environment at this school in some of the meanest posts you'll ever see.

You're confusing mean with hurt and a shocked.

Let's see -- identifying a specific employee, ripping her, and gloating that supposedly her kids did not get into prestigious colleges? Mean.

Saying "the meanest girl/biggest bully from our school is going to NCS," and then speculating or actually naming the school? Mean.

Assuming that a child's behavior in 4th grade will stay with them through high school or life? I won't call that ilk of post mean -- perhaps uneducated about adolescent girl development.

Not every post is mean, but plenty of them are. Maybe they see themselves as "hurt and shocked," though, that might explain the methodology of venomous posts condemning meanness.

I am a former NCS parent who has posted on this thread and I wrote none of these things. (Though I don't even understand the one about assuming 4th grade girls will stay that way.) And I know I'm not the only one. And while I have said nothing about this admissions director, I do think they have a problem with admissions. Schools can and do look for nice kids and for whatever reason NCS doesn't care. And, yes, I would describe myself as "hurt and shocked" though I didn't write that.

So great -- your posts weren't mean. Do you agree that other posts were?

Reposting to correct formatting:

I'm one of the other posters, also the one who wrote about "hurt" and "shocked." I didn't write about where the employee's kids went to college, and that was just one poster. I don't remember a single poster linking a specific school with a bully that got into NCS. If you can point us to an example, please help us out by doing so.

[Anonymous]

Different poster here. I can tell you that there were definitely posts that stated names of schools and talked about girls from them who had been accepted to NCS. I reported those posts to the moderators (they seem pretty responsive if you use the "report" button) and those posts were removed. I agree with the poster a few pages back (also not me) who talked about the evolving toxic nature of the thread as a whole. If your post doesn't fall in that category, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. I can tell you that there were definitely posts that stated names of schools and talked about girls from them who had been accepted to NCS. I reported those posts to the moderators (they seem pretty responsive if you use the "report" button) and those posts were removed. I agree with the poster a few pages back (also not me) who talked about the evolving toxic nature of the thread as a whole. If your post doesn't fall in that category, great.

That's different then. That was indeed mean.

This also means the rest of us don't remember these posts because we never saw them.

[Anonymous]

I did not think any of the recent posts were mean at all...they were the opinions and ACTUAL experiences of the parents who had helped their DDs apply to NCS. My DD will consider NCS, but as a parent, I would really like to know now what the atmosphere of the school is.

And yes, I DO believe that a girl who exhibits mean-girl behavior in 4th grade will most likely continue to be mean. By that age (9-10), I believe that character has been pretty much formed in the child, unless there is an intervention by an adult or some other incentive for the mean girl to stop the behavior. I would like to know if NCS takes the mean girls from anyone's school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not think any of the recent posts were mean at all...they were the opinions and ACTUAL experiences of the parents who had helped their DDs apply to NCS. My DD will consider NCS, but as a parent, I would really like to know now what the atmosphere of the school is.

And yes, I DO believe that a girl who exhibits mean-girl behavior in 4th grade will most likely continue to be mean. By that age (9-10), I believe that character has been pretty much formed in the child, unless there is an intervention by an adult or some other incentive for the mean girl to stop the behavior. I would like to know if NCS takes the mean girls from anyone's school.

I am a teacher, and I have met so many girls who went through an emotionally awkward stage, sometimes playing out in hurtful behavior, between the ages of 9-16, and pulled it together later down the line, whether in high school, college, or beyond. It is one of the best things about being around kids -- they will very often grow out of their worst traits! On a personal note, am I the only one who remembered girls from my own school days who were "mean" in elementary school and it later turned out they were scared or sad or insecure, and they weren't that bad after all, or were actually really nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not think any of the recent posts were mean at all...they were the opinions and ACTUAL experiences of the parents who had helped their DDs apply to NCS. My DD will consider NCS, but as a parent, I would really like to know now what the atmosphere of the school is.

And yes, I DO believe that a girl who exhibits mean-girl behavior in 4th grade will most likely continue to be mean. By that age (9-10), I believe that character has been pretty much formed in the child, unless there is an intervention by an adult or some other incentive for the mean girl to stop the behavior. I would like to know if NCS takes the mean girls from anyone's school.

I am a teacher, and I have met so many girls who went through an emotionally awkward stage, sometimes playing out in hurtful behavior, between the ages of 9-16, and pulled it together later down the line, whether in high school, college, or beyond. It is one of the best things about being around kids -- they will very often grow out of their worst traits! On a personal note, am I the only one who remembered girls from my own school days who were "mean" in elementary school and it later turned out they were scared or sad or insecure, and they weren't that bad after all, or were actually really nice?

Ages 9 to 16 is most of the time these girls will be together at NCS. I agree that the mean girls often have a reason -- insecurity, problems at home, whatever. When my DD was at NCS and experiencing this I would often try to explain that to her. And her response would be that it doesn't matter, she was still the object of their behavior and it still poisoned the atmosphere for her. I hope these girls do mature and maybe regret their behavior. I wish that for them. But for my DD, I regret putting her in a school where there was just too much of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different poster here. I can tell you that there were definitely posts that stated names of schools and talked about girls from them who had been accepted to NCS. I reported those posts to the moderators (they seem pretty responsive if you use the "report" button) and those posts were removed. I agree with the poster a few pages back (also not me) who talked about the evolving toxic nature of the thread as a whole. If your post doesn't fall in that category, great.

That's different then. That was indeed mean.

This also means the rest of us don't remember these posts because we never saw them.

Fair enough. I think the poster who worked at a school and said the thread was toxic probably saw them -- by the time I reported them they were not the most recent posts. The fact that 16:04 appears to be soliciting more such "mean girl from School X" posts is a bit troubling to me, as well.

I do think that the overall discussion about atmosphere/climate at a school in general is fair game -- I'm interested in what people think the school itself should be doing differently (don't admit mean girls is what I see so far).

[Anonymous]

The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school can make the atmosphere and how the girls treat each other a priority. There are schools that set such a tone, in which the leadership makes it clear over and over again that this is an environment in which we are good to each other. The school can stigmatize bad girl behavior. NCS does not do this. And when a girl feels victimized she is treated like its her problem.

Does the parent body share responsibility? I would argue they do -- I hear so much of a focus on colleges from NW DC parents with children of that age group that I'm not surprised that by junior year the girls get so hyper-secretive and stressed about the college process, and that that leaches over into the rest of school life. I suppose in the end a lot of it comes down to money -- if people are spending over $35,000 per year in tuition, many parents are going to focus more on the destination (college) than the journey (high school), and the schools will also feel pressure to keep that college admissions record strong. That means admitting the highest testers, offering the most rigorous academic offerings, etc.

To focus on the positive, most of the people on the thread seem complimentary of the sports program at NCS or NCS/STA for the coordinate teams. The sports are a part of the school, so that's something the school is doing right.