$80k In Debt Worth It for Ivy Undergrad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have decided that I'll commit suicide in the near future (or at least sometime before I have to make this decision). My life will never be mine. Some people aren't meant to have meaningful or fulfilling lives.

Hey OP, I was you. I couldn't decide what I wanted to major in and I just felt so hopeless. Originally I thought I liked math and sciences but almost failed college chemistry. I switched my major 4 times and then decided to drop out because I didn't have the money not to have a plan. I was so depressed and had no idea what I was going to do, I just knew college wasn't the place for me. I honestly thought I was a failure and that life was never going to get better. When I told my parents I was dropping out, they absolutely freaked out and basically said I was on my own.

Not having the money to get my own place, I took a child and infant first aid and CPR class and then started interviewing for live-in nanny positions. I got a job with a wonderful family in the midwest and it was the best decision I could have made. The parents were so positive and supportive and treated me like their own daughter. While taking care of the kids was challenging at times, it got me out of my head and forced me to be active and gave me my confidence back. Seeing the kids get excited about the outings and activities I planned for them was such a rewarding experience and my depression honestly just went away. I had no living expenses and was able to save everything I made. Saving this money also helped with my depression because it made me feel like I was getting control of my life again, I felt like I had options and became excited about the future. Then I met my now husband (he worked for the family I nannied for) and dating him also gave me more confidence and made me feel good about myself. I barely talked to my family during that time (they thought I was throwing my life away), but not talking to them allowed me to stop worrying about what they thought of me and that was also really good for my mental health.

I'm not saying I have all the answers for you, but you are obviously in a dark place right now, and in my experience making a major life change is sometimes what is needed to get you excited about life again. You are so young and have so many options. Forget about school for the moment. Life can change so quickly, you just need to take some chances and get yourself excited about living again.

OP is Asian, likely never interacted with young children before in babysitting capacity.
She will probably get even more depressed after seeing the kids hate her.

As a mother of young children, OP is a terrible fit for a nannying position. Please don’t foist her on some unsuspecting toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have decided that I'll commit suicide in the near future (or at least sometime before I have to make this decision). My life will never be mine. Some people aren't meant to have meaningful or fulfilling lives.

Hey OP, I was you. I couldn't decide what I wanted to major in and I just felt so hopeless. Originally I thought I liked math and sciences but almost failed college chemistry. I switched my major 4 times and then decided to drop out because I didn't have the money not to have a plan. I was so depressed and had no idea what I was going to do, I just knew college wasn't the place for me. I honestly thought I was a failure and that life was never going to get better. When I told my parents I was dropping out, they absolutely freaked out and basically said I was on my own.

Not having the money to get my own place, I took a child and infant first aid and CPR class and then started interviewing for live-in nanny positions. I got a job with a wonderful family in the midwest and it was the best decision I could have made. The parents were so positive and supportive and treated me like their own daughter. While taking care of the kids was challenging at times, it got me out of my head and forced me to be active and gave me my confidence back. Seeing the kids get excited about the outings and activities I planned for them was such a rewarding experience and my depression honestly just went away. I had no living expenses and was able to save everything I made. Saving this money also helped with my depression because it made me feel like I was getting control of my life again, I felt like I had options and became excited about the future. Then I met my now husband (he worked for the family I nannied for) and dating him also gave me more confidence and made me feel good about myself. I barely talked to my family during that time (they thought I was throwing my life away), but not talking to them allowed me to stop worrying about what they thought of me and that was also really good for my mental health.

I'm not saying I have all the answers for you, but you are obviously in a dark place right now, and in my experience making a major life change is sometimes what is needed to get you excited about life again. You are so young and have so many options. Forget about school for the moment. Life can change so quickly, you just need to take some chances and get yourself excited about living again.

OP is Asian, likely never interacted with young children before in babysitting capacity.
She will probably get even more depressed after seeing the kids hate her.

As a mother of young children, OP is a terrible fit for a nannying position. Please don’t foist her on some unsuspecting toddlers.

I think if she got a live-in job with preschool age or older she would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, which state if your home state? And what is your preferred job - what would you love to do if money wasn't an issue?

I think I've already mentioned I'm from California.

I always said that if I had a trust fund I'd try to make it as a novelist or become some sort of community organizer or maybe an environmental educator. I know a wealthy Columbia grad who currently works in the Rockies leading middle school classes on environmental science (while taking them on adventure trips in nature), and I have to hide my jealousy of her.

But these are not exactly careers that easily translate into higher-paying alternatives. I guess there's technical writing or working at a non-profit, but at this point, those seem unappealing.

I think you need to start getting your head around the idea that most work is unappealing. There are a small handful of people who love what they do and never work a day in their life. But even novelists have to actually sit down and write their novels, even on the days they don't feel like it.

What you need to find is a job you can tolerate, basically. A schedule, workload, and tasks that aren't going to make you feel crazy or bad. It's easier said than done but I think at this stage you'd be better off looking for than than agonizing over whether to finish college. (Yes, you should finish. You'll bang out those $80k and be able to stop thinking about this.)

Do you like working a regular schedule? Do you have the stamina for a high intensity job or are you going to do better at a more laid back job? Do you like working from home, or in an office, or some combo of both? How much $ do you need to make to give yourself a decent life that you will enjoy (outside of what your parents want)? Do you need to be doing something with social good or are you just fine being in the for-profit sector? Do you care if people are impressed with what you do or is that not important to you? Etc.

Another question: Do you like jobs that are essentially done solo by yourself at a computer, or do you want to be interacting with customers, sources, clients, or coworkers a lot? Do you want to be at a computer most of the time or do you want a more active job? Are you looking to experiment with different jobs or are you trying to find yourself a spot where you can settle into a career, right away?

You're getting to the point you need to stop thinking about college and start thinking about the life you want for yourself after college.

OP here. You are right that most work is unappealing. But at this point, I'm way too mentally ill/suicidal to hack it at a job that pays the bills but is unappealing. Idk, for once in my life, I'd like to have some control or autonomy or do something pleasant. I'm too depressed to not do something I enjoy but pays the bills.

The questions you're asking are important, and the last one especially stands out to me. I would love to experiment with different jobs, but I have to settle into a career right away. And that career probably won't check off most of my other boxes in terms of the question you asked, since I'll have to take the highest-paying job available to me after graduation regardless of whether or not it suits me. This is because I'm about to take out $80k in loans, most of which will have high interest rates and little to no protections as most of the amount will be from private lenders. If I don't want to default on them, I'll have to take a high-paying job that will be WAY too intense for my tastes.

OP - honestly if things are as bad as you keep saying you may be eligible for disability. I have a friend who is on disability due to depression and BPD. It's not easy to get - she had to go through a long process, with appeals - but it makes her life more tolerable. She also has a spouse with a decent job - he fixes trucks; he's not some Wall Street-er - but I would really, really recommend trying to find friends/partners who you feel safe with, too.

You've talked yourself into this deep hole. I hope your therapist can help you understand that objectively your situation is not as terrible or doomed as it feels.

I think taking out $80k in mostly predatory private student loan lenders is terrible.

They will be gone in 10 years. You're not cutting off your arm forever. Or don't do it and enroll at a cheaper school! But you will have some loans coming out, so just build that into your plans and understanding of what you will be doing for the next 10 years.

I paid off $160k in loans over 20 years while working mainly as a writer, and not some fancy highly paid writer either. Not recommended! But trust me if I can do this you can do it.

^ And just to add - my best friend paid off something like $100k in loans while working as a social worker. There are a lot of people paying off a lot of loans out there. We're not all investment bankers. Sure it's harder when you make less! But this is life, man! You have to stop blaming your parents and stop feeling like there's one thing for you to do and everything else is impossible. At some point you have to act! Or apply for disability. I really do think that is something you should consider if things are as bad as you keep saying (and I am not doubting your account of your life, but the things you keep saying about how life is after college just don't comport with what most of us have actually experienced - you have a very theoretical understanding of life!).

I will most likely be graduating into a recession. Taking out $80k in loans for an English degree is objectively an ill-advised decision. What would the Columbia Class of 2008 have to say about my situation?

Columbia Class of 2008 would tell you to avail yourself of all of the resources available at their Career Services Center, and sign up for on campus interviews. If you live frugally for a few years, you’ll knock out those loans.

I’m not encouraging you to do this, mind you, simply answering your questions. But I will urge you to find out if you will continue to have access to the career support services at Columbia — even if you don’t end up graduating from Columbia. As a Yale grad, I’ve been startled by the resources that continue to be available to me as an alum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, which state if your home state? And what is your preferred job - what would you love to do if money wasn't an issue?

I think I've already mentioned I'm from California.

I always said that if I had a trust fund I'd try to make it as a novelist or become some sort of community organizer or maybe an environmental educator. I know a wealthy Columbia grad who currently works in the Rockies leading middle school classes on environmental science (while taking them on adventure trips in nature), and I have to hide my jealousy of her.

But these are not exactly careers that easily translate into higher-paying alternatives. I guess there's technical writing or working at a non-profit, but at this point, those seem unappealing.

I think you need to start getting your head around the idea that most work is unappealing. There are a small handful of people who love what they do and never work a day in their life. But even novelists have to actually sit down and write their novels, even on the days they don't feel like it.

What you need to find is a job you can tolerate, basically. A schedule, workload, and tasks that aren't going to make you feel crazy or bad. It's easier said than done but I think at this stage you'd be better off looking for than than agonizing over whether to finish college. (Yes, you should finish. You'll bang out those $80k and be able to stop thinking about this.)

Do you like working a regular schedule? Do you have the stamina for a high intensity job or are you going to do better at a more laid back job? Do you like working from home, or in an office, or some combo of both? How much $ do you need to make to give yourself a decent life that you will enjoy (outside of what your parents want)? Do you need to be doing something with social good or are you just fine being in the for-profit sector? Do you care if people are impressed with what you do or is that not important to you? Etc.

Another question: Do you like jobs that are essentially done solo by yourself at a computer, or do you want to be interacting with customers, sources, clients, or coworkers a lot? Do you want to be at a computer most of the time or do you want a more active job? Are you looking to experiment with different jobs or are you trying to find yourself a spot where you can settle into a career, right away?

You're getting to the point you need to stop thinking about college and start thinking about the life you want for yourself after college.

OP here. You are right that most work is unappealing. But at this point, I'm way too mentally ill/suicidal to hack it at a job that pays the bills but is unappealing. Idk, for once in my life, I'd like to have some control or autonomy or do something pleasant. I'm too depressed to not do something I enjoy but pays the bills.

The questions you're asking are important, and the last one especially stands out to me. I would love to experiment with different jobs, but I have to settle into a career right away. And that career probably won't check off most of my other boxes in terms of the question you asked, since I'll have to take the highest-paying job available to me after graduation regardless of whether or not it suits me. This is because I'm about to take out $80k in loans, most of which will have high interest rates and little to no protections as most of the amount will be from private lenders. If I don't want to default on them, I'll have to take a high-paying job that will be WAY too intense for my tastes.

OP - honestly if things are as bad as you keep saying you may be eligible for disability. I have a friend who is on disability due to depression and BPD. It's not easy to get - she had to go through a long process, with appeals - but it makes her life more tolerable. She also has a spouse with a decent job - he fixes trucks; he's not some Wall Street-er - but I would really, really recommend trying to find friends/partners who you feel safe with, too.

You've talked yourself into this deep hole. I hope your therapist can help you understand that objectively your situation is not as terrible or doomed as it feels.

I think taking out $80k in mostly predatory private student loan lenders is terrible.

They will be gone in 10 years. You're not cutting off your arm forever. Or don't do it and enroll at a cheaper school! But you will have some loans coming out, so just build that into your plans and understanding of what you will be doing for the next 10 years.

I paid off $160k in loans over 20 years while working mainly as a writer, and not some fancy highly paid writer either. Not recommended! But trust me if I can do this you can do it.

^ And just to add - my best friend paid off something like $100k in loans while working as a social worker. There are a lot of people paying off a lot of loans out there. We're not all investment bankers. Sure it's harder when you make less! But this is life, man! You have to stop blaming your parents and stop feeling like there's one thing for you to do and everything else is impossible. At some point you have to act! Or apply for disability. I really do think that is something you should consider if things are as bad as you keep saying (and I am not doubting your account of your life, but the things you keep saying about how life is after college just don't comport with what most of us have actually experienced - you have a very theoretical understanding of life!).

I will most likely be graduating into a recession. Taking out $80k in loans for an English degree is objectively an ill-advised decision. What would the Columbia Class of 2008 have to say about my situation?

Columbia Class of 2008 would tell you to avail yourself of all of the resources available at their Career Services Center, and sign up for on campus interviews. If you live frugally for a few years, you’ll knock out those loans.

I’m not encouraging you to do this, mind you, simply answering your questions. But I will urge you to find out if you will continue to have access to the career support services at Columbia — even if you don’t end up graduating from Columbia. As a Yale grad, I’ve been startled by the resources that continue to be available to me as an alum.

OP here. I highly doubt the Columbia Class of 2008 can say the same. First, Yale is WAY better endowed and better resourced than Columbia. Columbia is a mega-university focused on grad students, so the resources for undergrads are much more scarce compared to Yale or most of the other Ivies. IIRC Columbia comes in second-to-last (only to Cornell) in terms of funding dollars per student.

Columbia's Career Center is widely regarded as useless among the entire student body. And the alumni network is notoriously weak (mainly because the vast majority of Columbia alumni feel, at best, no connection to their alma mater, or usually a very negative connection since most Columbia students disliked their college years since it's such a stressful, cutthroat environment), so it's not like Columbia alumni are going to help me network or get a job. Columbia is an intensely fend for your self, dog-eat-dog kind of place. No point in me staying.

But I fundamentally know that if I can't hack it at a place as cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat, and unwelcoming as Columbia, I'll never be able to make it in life. A middle-class Asian woman like me needs to be able thrive in these sorts of environments if my life is going to be meaningful or productive in any way. But I'm not cut out for something like this. I'm so much better off just ending my life. I'll be saving myself the inevitable pain and disappointment of my the future. Not living anymore is a huge relief.

I've been planning my suicide for the past few days. Doing so has given me a sense of peace and happiness that I've never experienced before. I have nothing in my life worth living for, and I'm excited for my long future of endless sleep.

[Anonymous]

As a middle class Asian woman who went to state college, I agree life is not too kind. But it’s still much better than a middle class woman’s life in my home country.

One thing about America is anyone is free to create the life they want, so it’s not as hopeless as the hierarchy based society back at home. Look at your parents for example, they went from low income to 200k, that says a lot about this society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, which state if your home state? And what is your preferred job - what would you love to do if money wasn't an issue?

I think I've already mentioned I'm from California.

I always said that if I had a trust fund I'd try to make it as a novelist or become some sort of community organizer or maybe an environmental educator. I know a wealthy Columbia grad who currently works in the Rockies leading middle school classes on environmental science (while taking them on adventure trips in nature), and I have to hide my jealousy of her.

But these are not exactly careers that easily translate into higher-paying alternatives. I guess there's technical writing or working at a non-profit, but at this point, those seem unappealing.

I think you need to start getting your head around the idea that most work is unappealing. There are a small handful of people who love what they do and never work a day in their life. But even novelists have to actually sit down and write their novels, even on the days they don't feel like it.

What you need to find is a job you can tolerate, basically. A schedule, workload, and tasks that aren't going to make you feel crazy or bad. It's easier said than done but I think at this stage you'd be better off looking for than than agonizing over whether to finish college. (Yes, you should finish. You'll bang out those $80k and be able to stop thinking about this.)

Do you like working a regular schedule? Do you have the stamina for a high intensity job or are you going to do better at a more laid back job? Do you like working from home, or in an office, or some combo of both? How much $ do you need to make to give yourself a decent life that you will enjoy (outside of what your parents want)? Do you need to be doing something with social good or are you just fine being in the for-profit sector? Do you care if people are impressed with what you do or is that not important to you? Etc.

Another question: Do you like jobs that are essentially done solo by yourself at a computer, or do you want to be interacting with customers, sources, clients, or coworkers a lot? Do you want to be at a computer most of the time or do you want a more active job? Are you looking to experiment with different jobs or are you trying to find yourself a spot where you can settle into a career, right away?

You're getting to the point you need to stop thinking about college and start thinking about the life you want for yourself after college.

OP here. You are right that most work is unappealing. But at this point, I'm way too mentally ill/suicidal to hack it at a job that pays the bills but is unappealing. Idk, for once in my life, I'd like to have some control or autonomy or do something pleasant. I'm too depressed to not do something I enjoy but pays the bills.

The questions you're asking are important, and the last one especially stands out to me. I would love to experiment with different jobs, but I have to settle into a career right away. And that career probably won't check off most of my other boxes in terms of the question you asked, since I'll have to take the highest-paying job available to me after graduation regardless of whether or not it suits me. This is because I'm about to take out $80k in loans, most of which will have high interest rates and little to no protections as most of the amount will be from private lenders. If I don't want to default on them, I'll have to take a high-paying job that will be WAY too intense for my tastes.

OP - honestly if things are as bad as you keep saying you may be eligible for disability. I have a friend who is on disability due to depression and BPD. It's not easy to get - she had to go through a long process, with appeals - but it makes her life more tolerable. She also has a spouse with a decent job - he fixes trucks; he's not some Wall Street-er - but I would really, really recommend trying to find friends/partners who you feel safe with, too.

You've talked yourself into this deep hole. I hope your therapist can help you understand that objectively your situation is not as terrible or doomed as it feels.

I think taking out $80k in mostly predatory private student loan lenders is terrible.

They will be gone in 10 years. You're not cutting off your arm forever. Or don't do it and enroll at a cheaper school! But you will have some loans coming out, so just build that into your plans and understanding of what you will be doing for the next 10 years.

I paid off $160k in loans over 20 years while working mainly as a writer, and not some fancy highly paid writer either. Not recommended! But trust me if I can do this you can do it.

^ And just to add - my best friend paid off something like $100k in loans while working as a social worker. There are a lot of people paying off a lot of loans out there. We're not all investment bankers. Sure it's harder when you make less! But this is life, man! You have to stop blaming your parents and stop feeling like there's one thing for you to do and everything else is impossible. At some point you have to act! Or apply for disability. I really do think that is something you should consider if things are as bad as you keep saying (and I am not doubting your account of your life, but the things you keep saying about how life is after college just don't comport with what most of us have actually experienced - you have a very theoretical understanding of life!).

I will most likely be graduating into a recession. Taking out $80k in loans for an English degree is objectively an ill-advised decision. What would the Columbia Class of 2008 have to say about my situation?

Columbia Class of 2008 would tell you to avail yourself of all of the resources available at their Career Services Center, and sign up for on campus interviews. If you live frugally for a few years, you’ll knock out those loans.

I’m not encouraging you to do this, mind you, simply answering your questions. But I will urge you to find out if you will continue to have access to the career support services at Columbia — even if you don’t end up graduating from Columbia. As a Yale grad, I’ve been startled by the resources that continue to be available to me as an alum.

OP here. I highly doubt the Columbia Class of 2008 can say the same. First, Yale is WAY better endowed and better resourced than Columbia. Columbia is a mega-university focused on grad students, so the resources for undergrads are much more scarce compared to Yale or most of the other Ivies. IIRC Columbia comes in second-to-last (only to Cornell) in terms of funding dollars per student.

Columbia's Career Center is widely regarded as useless among the entire student body. And the alumni network is notoriously weak (mainly because the vast majority of Columbia alumni feel, at best, no connection to their alma mater, or usually a very negative connection since most Columbia students disliked their college years since it's such a stressful, cutthroat environment), so it's not like Columbia alumni are going to help me network or get a job. Columbia is an intensely fend for your self, dog-eat-dog kind of place. No point in me staying.

But I fundamentally know that if I can't hack it at a place as cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat, and unwelcoming as Columbia, I'll never be able to make it in life. A middle-class Asian woman like me needs to be able thrive in these sorts of environments if my life is going to be meaningful or productive in any way. But I'm not cut out for something like this. I'm so much better off just ending my life. I'll be saving myself the inevitable pain and disappointment of my the future. Not living anymore is a huge relief.

I've been planning my suicide for the past few days. Doing so has given me a sense of peace and happiness that I've never experienced before. I have nothing in my life worth living for, and I'm excited for my long future of endless sleep.

I'm choosing to read this as a legit cry for help, and as a middle-class Asian woman who is content with her middle-class life, I can say that you need to go back to your therapist and discuss this belief that because of your race and gender, your life can only be a cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat life. That's depression talking because it doesn't make sense. Clearly you have been brainwashed and gaslit by your parents and their community, and you are struggling to actually separate yourself from them. So talk to your therapist, get to the heart of your current situation which is actually cutting ties with your toxic family and community. Get on medication while you sort things out and get back on your feet. Ignore the haters in this thread who drink the same koolaid your family is drinking.

If you can't get a hold of your therapist right away, try some other resources like https://988lifeline.org/ .

I had depression in my teens and early 20s. I know how it spirals down. You need to come up for air, and your therapist or psychiologist or even just a general practitioner can help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, which state if your home state? And what is your preferred job - what would you love to do if money wasn't an issue?

I think I've already mentioned I'm from California.

I always said that if I had a trust fund I'd try to make it as a novelist or become some sort of community organizer or maybe an environmental educator. I know a wealthy Columbia grad who currently works in the Rockies leading middle school classes on environmental science (while taking them on adventure trips in nature), and I have to hide my jealousy of her.

But these are not exactly careers that easily translate into higher-paying alternatives. I guess there's technical writing or working at a non-profit, but at this point, those seem unappealing.

I think you need to start getting your head around the idea that most work is unappealing. There are a small handful of people who love what they do and never work a day in their life. But even novelists have to actually sit down and write their novels, even on the days they don't feel like it.

What you need to find is a job you can tolerate, basically. A schedule, workload, and tasks that aren't going to make you feel crazy or bad. It's easier said than done but I think at this stage you'd be better off looking for than than agonizing over whether to finish college. (Yes, you should finish. You'll bang out those $80k and be able to stop thinking about this.)

Do you like working a regular schedule? Do you have the stamina for a high intensity job or are you going to do better at a more laid back job? Do you like working from home, or in an office, or some combo of both? How much $ do you need to make to give yourself a decent life that you will enjoy (outside of what your parents want)? Do you need to be doing something with social good or are you just fine being in the for-profit sector? Do you care if people are impressed with what you do or is that not important to you? Etc.

Another question: Do you like jobs that are essentially done solo by yourself at a computer, or do you want to be interacting with customers, sources, clients, or coworkers a lot? Do you want to be at a computer most of the time or do you want a more active job? Are you looking to experiment with different jobs or are you trying to find yourself a spot where you can settle into a career, right away?

You're getting to the point you need to stop thinking about college and start thinking about the life you want for yourself after college.

OP here. You are right that most work is unappealing. But at this point, I'm way too mentally ill/suicidal to hack it at a job that pays the bills but is unappealing. Idk, for once in my life, I'd like to have some control or autonomy or do something pleasant. I'm too depressed to not do something I enjoy but pays the bills.

The questions you're asking are important, and the last one especially stands out to me. I would love to experiment with different jobs, but I have to settle into a career right away. And that career probably won't check off most of my other boxes in terms of the question you asked, since I'll have to take the highest-paying job available to me after graduation regardless of whether or not it suits me. This is because I'm about to take out $80k in loans, most of which will have high interest rates and little to no protections as most of the amount will be from private lenders. If I don't want to default on them, I'll have to take a high-paying job that will be WAY too intense for my tastes.

OP - honestly if things are as bad as you keep saying you may be eligible for disability. I have a friend who is on disability due to depression and BPD. It's not easy to get - she had to go through a long process, with appeals - but it makes her life more tolerable. She also has a spouse with a decent job - he fixes trucks; he's not some Wall Street-er - but I would really, really recommend trying to find friends/partners who you feel safe with, too.

You've talked yourself into this deep hole. I hope your therapist can help you understand that objectively your situation is not as terrible or doomed as it feels.

I think taking out $80k in mostly predatory private student loan lenders is terrible.

They will be gone in 10 years. You're not cutting off your arm forever. Or don't do it and enroll at a cheaper school! But you will have some loans coming out, so just build that into your plans and understanding of what you will be doing for the next 10 years.

I paid off $160k in loans over 20 years while working mainly as a writer, and not some fancy highly paid writer either. Not recommended! But trust me if I can do this you can do it.

^ And just to add - my best friend paid off something like $100k in loans while working as a social worker. There are a lot of people paying off a lot of loans out there. We're not all investment bankers. Sure it's harder when you make less! But this is life, man! You have to stop blaming your parents and stop feeling like there's one thing for you to do and everything else is impossible. At some point you have to act! Or apply for disability. I really do think that is something you should consider if things are as bad as you keep saying (and I am not doubting your account of your life, but the things you keep saying about how life is after college just don't comport with what most of us have actually experienced - you have a very theoretical understanding of life!).

I will most likely be graduating into a recession. Taking out $80k in loans for an English degree is objectively an ill-advised decision. What would the Columbia Class of 2008 have to say about my situation?

Columbia Class of 2008 would tell you to avail yourself of all of the resources available at their Career Services Center, and sign up for on campus interviews. If you live frugally for a few years, you’ll knock out those loans.

I’m not encouraging you to do this, mind you, simply answering your questions. But I will urge you to find out if you will continue to have access to the career support services at Columbia — even if you don’t end up graduating from Columbia. As a Yale grad, I’ve been startled by the resources that continue to be available to me as an alum.

OP here. I highly doubt the Columbia Class of 2008 can say the same. First, Yale is WAY better endowed and better resourced than Columbia. Columbia is a mega-university focused on grad students, so the resources for undergrads are much more scarce compared to Yale or most of the other Ivies. IIRC Columbia comes in second-to-last (only to Cornell) in terms of funding dollars per student.

Columbia's Career Center is widely regarded as useless among the entire student body. And the alumni network is notoriously weak (mainly because the vast majority of Columbia alumni feel, at best, no connection to their alma mater, or usually a very negative connection since most Columbia students disliked their college years since it's such a stressful, cutthroat environment), so it's not like Columbia alumni are going to help me network or get a job. Columbia is an intensely fend for your self, dog-eat-dog kind of place. No point in me staying.

But I fundamentally know that if I can't hack it at a place as cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat, and unwelcoming as Columbia, I'll never be able to make it in life. A middle-class Asian woman like me needs to be able thrive in these sorts of environments if my life is going to be meaningful or productive in any way. But I'm not cut out for something like this. I'm so much better off just ending my life. I'll be saving myself the inevitable pain and disappointment of my the future. Not living anymore is a huge relief.

I've been planning my suicide for the past few days. Doing so has given me a sense of peace and happiness that I've never experienced before. I have nothing in my life worth living for, and I'm excited for my long future of endless sleep.

I'm choosing to read this as a legit cry for help, and as a middle-class Asian woman who is content with her middle-class life, I can say that you need to go back to your therapist and discuss this belief that because of your race and gender, your life can only be a cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat life. That's depression talking because it doesn't make sense. Clearly you have been brainwashed and gaslit by your parents and their community, and you are struggling to actually separate yourself from them. So talk to your therapist, get to the heart of your current situation which is actually cutting ties with your toxic family and community. Get on medication while you sort things out and get back on your feet. Ignore the haters in this thread who drink the same koolaid your family is drinking.

If you can't get a hold of your therapist right away, try some other resources like https://988lifeline.org/ .

I had depression in my teens and early 20s. I know how it spirals down. You need to come up for air, and your therapist or psychiologist or even just a general practitioner can help with that.

Not true. OP is right that she needs to be competitive, intense, and very driven if she's going to get anywhere as a middle-class Asian woman. Telling her otherwise is just gaslighting the professional experiences of most Asian-American woman in the workplace.

OP, you need to get healthy and finish at Columbia. Anything else is ruining your life.

[Anonymous]

OP--Please call a suicide hotline or check into an ER saying you are actively suicidal.

You have nothing to lose by buying yourself just a bit of time before taking such an irreversible step.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op, which state if your home state? And what is your preferred job - what would you love to do if money wasn't an issue?

I think I've already mentioned I'm from California.

I always said that if I had a trust fund I'd try to make it as a novelist or become some sort of community organizer or maybe an environmental educator. I know a wealthy Columbia grad who currently works in the Rockies leading middle school classes on environmental science (while taking them on adventure trips in nature), and I have to hide my jealousy of her.

But these are not exactly careers that easily translate into higher-paying alternatives. I guess there's technical writing or working at a non-profit, but at this point, those seem unappealing.

I think you need to start getting your head around the idea that most work is unappealing. There are a small handful of people who love what they do and never work a day in their life. But even novelists have to actually sit down and write their novels, even on the days they don't feel like it.

What you need to find is a job you can tolerate, basically. A schedule, workload, and tasks that aren't going to make you feel crazy or bad. It's easier said than done but I think at this stage you'd be better off looking for than than agonizing over whether to finish college. (Yes, you should finish. You'll bang out those $80k and be able to stop thinking about this.)

Do you like working a regular schedule? Do you have the stamina for a high intensity job or are you going to do better at a more laid back job? Do you like working from home, or in an office, or some combo of both? How much $ do you need to make to give yourself a decent life that you will enjoy (outside of what your parents want)? Do you need to be doing something with social good or are you just fine being in the for-profit sector? Do you care if people are impressed with what you do or is that not important to you? Etc.

Another question: Do you like jobs that are essentially done solo by yourself at a computer, or do you want to be interacting with customers, sources, clients, or coworkers a lot? Do you want to be at a computer most of the time or do you want a more active job? Are you looking to experiment with different jobs or are you trying to find yourself a spot where you can settle into a career, right away?

You're getting to the point you need to stop thinking about college and start thinking about the life you want for yourself after college.

OP here. You are right that most work is unappealing. But at this point, I'm way too mentally ill/suicidal to hack it at a job that pays the bills but is unappealing. Idk, for once in my life, I'd like to have some control or autonomy or do something pleasant. I'm too depressed to not do something I enjoy but pays the bills.

The questions you're asking are important, and the last one especially stands out to me. I would love to experiment with different jobs, but I have to settle into a career right away. And that career probably won't check off most of my other boxes in terms of the question you asked, since I'll have to take the highest-paying job available to me after graduation regardless of whether or not it suits me. This is because I'm about to take out $80k in loans, most of which will have high interest rates and little to no protections as most of the amount will be from private lenders. If I don't want to default on them, I'll have to take a high-paying job that will be WAY too intense for my tastes.

OP - honestly if things are as bad as you keep saying you may be eligible for disability. I have a friend who is on disability due to depression and BPD. It's not easy to get - she had to go through a long process, with appeals - but it makes her life more tolerable. She also has a spouse with a decent job - he fixes trucks; he's not some Wall Street-er - but I would really, really recommend trying to find friends/partners who you feel safe with, too.

You've talked yourself into this deep hole. I hope your therapist can help you understand that objectively your situation is not as terrible or doomed as it feels.

I think taking out $80k in mostly predatory private student loan lenders is terrible.

They will be gone in 10 years. You're not cutting off your arm forever. Or don't do it and enroll at a cheaper school! But you will have some loans coming out, so just build that into your plans and understanding of what you will be doing for the next 10 years.

I paid off $160k in loans over 20 years while working mainly as a writer, and not some fancy highly paid writer either. Not recommended! But trust me if I can do this you can do it.

^ And just to add - my best friend paid off something like $100k in loans while working as a social worker. There are a lot of people paying off a lot of loans out there. We're not all investment bankers. Sure it's harder when you make less! But this is life, man! You have to stop blaming your parents and stop feeling like there's one thing for you to do and everything else is impossible. At some point you have to act! Or apply for disability. I really do think that is something you should consider if things are as bad as you keep saying (and I am not doubting your account of your life, but the things you keep saying about how life is after college just don't comport with what most of us have actually experienced - you have a very theoretical understanding of life!).

I will most likely be graduating into a recession. Taking out $80k in loans for an English degree is objectively an ill-advised decision. What would the Columbia Class of 2008 have to say about my situation?

Columbia Class of 2008 would tell you to avail yourself of all of the resources available at their Career Services Center, and sign up for on campus interviews. If you live frugally for a few years, you’ll knock out those loans.

I’m not encouraging you to do this, mind you, simply answering your questions. But I will urge you to find out if you will continue to have access to the career support services at Columbia — even if you don’t end up graduating from Columbia. As a Yale grad, I’ve been startled by the resources that continue to be available to me as an alum.

OP here. I highly doubt the Columbia Class of 2008 can say the same. First, Yale is WAY better endowed and better resourced than Columbia. Columbia is a mega-university focused on grad students, so the resources for undergrads are much more scarce compared to Yale or most of the other Ivies. IIRC Columbia comes in second-to-last (only to Cornell) in terms of funding dollars per student.

Columbia's Career Center is widely regarded as useless among the entire student body. And the alumni network is notoriously weak (mainly because the vast majority of Columbia alumni feel, at best, no connection to their alma mater, or usually a very negative connection since most Columbia students disliked their college years since it's such a stressful, cutthroat environment), so it's not like Columbia alumni are going to help me network or get a job. Columbia is an intensely fend for your self, dog-eat-dog kind of place. No point in me staying.

But I fundamentally know that if I can't hack it at a place as cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat, and unwelcoming as Columbia, I'll never be able to make it in life. A middle-class Asian woman like me needs to be able thrive in these sorts of environments if my life is going to be meaningful or productive in any way. But I'm not cut out for something like this. I'm so much better off just ending my life. I'll be saving myself the inevitable pain and disappointment of my the future. Not living anymore is a huge relief.

I've been planning my suicide for the past few days. Doing so has given me a sense of peace and happiness that I've never experienced before. I have nothing in my life worth living for, and I'm excited for my long future of endless sleep.

I'm choosing to read this as a legit cry for help, and as a middle-class Asian woman who is content with her middle-class life, I can say that you need to go back to your therapist and discuss this belief that because of your race and gender, your life can only be a cold, intense, competitive, cutthroat life. That's depression talking because it doesn't make sense. Clearly you have been brainwashed and gaslit by your parents and their community, and you are struggling to actually separate yourself from them. So talk to your therapist, get to the heart of your current situation which is actually cutting ties with your toxic family and community. Get on medication while you sort things out and get back on your feet. Ignore the haters in this thread who drink the same koolaid your family is drinking.

If you can't get a hold of your therapist right away, try some other resources like https://988lifeline.org/ .

I had depression in my teens and early 20s. I know how it spirals down. You need to come up for air, and your therapist or psychiologist or even just a general practitioner can help with that.

Not true. OP is right that she needs to be competitive, intense, and very driven if she's going to get anywhere as a middle-class Asian woman. Telling her otherwise is just gaslighting the professional experiences of most Asian-American woman in the workplace.

OP, you need to get healthy and finish at Columbia. Anything else is ruining your life.

And Asian women are the least favorable when we get to play the corp favoritism game.
It’s almost the game rule changes overnight: you need to be intense and anxious to get through school and early career, as a result, no one likes you; then you need to be great and relaxed to get to the next level. All the rules stack against you. OP is just starting to get a taste of it.

[Anonymous]

No, in your situation assuming $80,000 worth of debt is not worth it.

Columbia is not the right school for you and NYC is probably not a healthy environment for you.

Forget about school. Continue or start therapy & get a job doing something that you enjoy.

Relax. Lots and lots of successful people were "lost" for years.

I have an acquaintance who is quite famous. Makes over $10 million a year salary from Fox news. He dropped out of college to paint houses & work with his sister. Took a radio DJ job for no pay in California. Then went to Alabama for a very low paying radio commentator position. His name is Sean Hannity. Google him & read his background story.

Earning a college degree may be in your future, but for now you need to step back & find a job that you enjoy.

[Anonymous]

OP - what you are feeling right now is not how you will feel forever. I promise you things are so so so different (and mostly better) once you are fully an adult.

I am an earlier poster where I said one of the sever sisters might be good for you. I really meant that - and listen when I say - they will welcome you later in life too. You don’t need to rush into anything.

Not all places are like Columbia - I promise you. But I also don’t feel “lesser” than just bc I didn’t do Ivy. I am now much more successful than many, many Ivy grads.

You have no idea how much better things can be and you don’t need Columbia. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--Please call a suicide hotline or check into an ER saying you are actively suicidal.

You have nothing to lose by buying yourself just a bit of time before taking such an irreversible step.

THIS IS YOUR MAIN ISSUE, OP, NOT WHETHER OR NOT YOU CONTINUE AT COLUMBIA. PLEASE ADDRESS YOUR SUICIDAL FEELINGS!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what you are feeling right now is not how you will feel forever. I promise you things are so so so different (and mostly better) once you are fully an adult.

I am an earlier poster where I said one of the sever sisters might be good for you. I really meant that - and listen when I say - they will welcome you later in life too. You don’t need to rush into anything.

Not all places are like Columbia - I promise you. But I also don’t feel “lesser” than just bc I didn’t do Ivy. I am now much more successful than many, many Ivy grads.

You have no idea how much better things can be and you don’t need Columbia. I promise.

I just know reading this comment that PP is a white woman oblivious to her privilege.

OP, do NOT pay attention to this comment at all. First, it's highly unlikely a Seven Sisters will accept you, and second, even if you are accepted, you'll probably have to take out more loans than if you stayed at Columbia.

But more importantly -- and I'm speaking as a middle-class Asian woman to OP (another middle-class Asian woman) -- woman from our demographic are GREATLY ENHANCED by the Ivy pedigree. From my experiences in the workplace, having an Ivy undergrad helps us IMMENSELY. You will get MUCH further in your career if you have a BA from Columbia than if you had a BA from a place like Smith; anyone who denies this is simply gaslighting the professional experiences of most middle-class Asian-American women.

OP, you MUST stay at Columbia no matter what. You ABSOLUTELY HAVE to graduate from there, or else you'll deeply regret leaving for the rest of your life. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GRADUATE FROM THERE!

Also OP, you should really try to appreciate being at Columbia more. It's a great school -- one that 99% of Americans would kill to get into. You need to be more grateful for what you have (which will help abet your suicidality). Besides, if you think undergrad at Columbia in a (frankly, easy) major is hard, then imagine your life after graduation. The working world (and being an adult in general) is MUCH, MUCH harder than being in college. Enjoy what you have now, because your life will get harder after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what you are feeling right now is not how you will feel forever. I promise you things are so so so different (and mostly better) once you are fully an adult.

I am an earlier poster where I said one of the sever sisters might be good for you. I really meant that - and listen when I say - they will welcome you later in life too. You don’t need to rush into anything.

Not all places are like Columbia - I promise you. But I also don’t feel “lesser” than just bc I didn’t do Ivy. I am now much more successful than many, many Ivy grads.

You have no idea how much better things can be and you don’t need Columbia. I promise.

I just know reading this comment that PP is a white woman oblivious to her privilege.

OP, do NOT pay attention to this comment at all. First, it's highly unlikely a Seven Sisters will accept you, and second, even if you are accepted, you'll probably have to take out more loans than if you stayed at Columbia.

But more importantly -- and I'm speaking as a middle-class Asian woman to OP (another middle-class Asian woman) -- woman from our demographic are GREATLY ENHANCED by the Ivy pedigree. From my experiences in the workplace, having an Ivy undergrad helps us IMMENSELY. You will get MUCH further in your career if you have a BA from Columbia than if you had a BA from a place like Smith; anyone who denies this is simply gaslighting the professional experiences of most middle-class Asian-American women.

OP, you MUST stay at Columbia no matter what. You ABSOLUTELY HAVE to graduate from there, or else you'll deeply regret leaving for the rest of your life. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GRADUATE FROM THERE!

Also OP, you should really try to appreciate being at Columbia more. It's a great school -- one that 99% of Americans would kill to get into. You need to be more grateful for what you have (which will help abet your suicidality). Besides, if you think undergrad at Columbia in a (frankly, easy) major is hard, then imagine your life after graduation. The working world (and being an adult in general) is MUCH, MUCH harder than being in college. Enjoy what you have now, because your life will get harder after graduation.

OP here. I know you're right, which is why I'm planning on killing myself in the near future. If these are supposed to be "the best years of my life," I don't want to live anymore.

Planning my suicide has given me so much joy, relief, and peace. I don't think I've felt this happy in years.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, your parents never put you in team sports or team arts (theatre) where you had many chance to fail and bounce back?
And you never had the opportunity to see how you can rise from the terrible world to create and lead and someday to shelter.
The world is never mind, it is you who choose to be kind.