How do I let go of my dream to have several kids?

[Anonymous]

We had wanted to have more than one child, but it looks like that’s not going to happen. IVF just isn’t working.

We are very fortunate to already have a child. Any suggestions for how I can move on and let go of the dream of having several kids?

[Anonymous]

I just kind of looked at our family the way it was, realized how happy we were and thought of the things we wouldn't be able to do if we had another, etc. It's a process but its doable. You also can't let yourself think about it and dwell on it. It is what it is and you just have to move on.

[Anonymous]

I think you should allow yourself to mourn your "loss" but also think about what PP said - how what you have is a wonderful blessing and focus on the positives.

I am so sorry OP. It is really tough. I can't have any more children either and it has been really hard. My friend sent me this and it was at least comforting to know that others feel this way.
http://sarahbessey.com/learning-live-ache/

[Anonymous]

Give yourself time to mourn your unborn children. (flame away -- sounds dramatic I know). I guess I mean to allow yourself to feel bad and sad for a while. In the long run -- try to be really consciously present and engaged when spending time with your only. First, it goes fast anyway no matter how many kids we have! Second, it slows things down in our minds and makes our time together seem larger and longer. I think the helps because part of the experience of wanting more children is related to wanting to have more experiences with our children. So, slowing down and engaging more with the only one can help a little. IMHO, at least. :

[Anonymous]

There was just a long thread on this called something like "one and done but not by choice." I think it was in General Parenting. If you can find it, that had some good thoughts in it, if I'm recalling it correctly.

[Anonymous]

Here is one of those threads (from 12/2013):

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/350161.page

[Anonymous]

And another:

Help me with being one and done
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/353703.page

[Anonymous]

I'm still working on number 1 and even with that I am mourning the potential loss of the 2-3 I wanted. It can help to speak to a psychologist or social worker that specialized in fertility issues.

[Anonymous]

OP how old are you and why are you sure you need to give up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And another:

Help me with being one and done
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/353703.page

I'm the OP of this thread, and I just wanted to weigh in and say I hope you find peace. I am still struggling with reconciling the view of what I thought life would be and what it is, but I'm trying to be grateful for what I have and focusing on that. The thread really was kind and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still working on number 1 and even with that I am mourning the potential loss of the 2-3 I wanted.

This. I didn't realize how much I wanted children until we had issues with TTC. Four OOP IVFs, (1) 1st tri m/c and (1) late 2nd tri premature birth later--here I am still trying for a living child. Onto IVF #5.

[Anonymous]

Look at women like me who have had multiple failures in having even 1 child. Then maybe you will feel thankful that you have at least 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how old are you and why are you sure you need to give up?

OP, here.
First, thanks everyone for your responses -- they are really helpful.

To respond to this poster -- I am in the 35-to-37-year-old range. Although women in this range can still have good results, I don't think it's going to happen for me. We have tried a few IVF cycles, and while my egg production and embryo formation have actually been pretty good, the fact is that I am not pregnant.

After two failed transfers with what appeared to be perfectly good blastocycts, I have no reason to believe that transfer No. 3, 4 or 10,000 will work. And it's not like this is a costless experience. As you IVFers know, the financial, emotional and physical tolls that the process takes are horrible. And it feels unfair to me and my family not to live life to the fullest and appreciate how wonderful things are outside of this IVF nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at women like me who have had multiple failures in having even 1 child. Then maybe you will feel thankful that you have at least 1.

I am sure she is very, very grateful to have one. Her sadness at not having an additional child doesn't lessen your pain. Rest assured that there is plenty to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how old are you and why are you sure you need to give up?

OP, here.
First, thanks everyone for your responses -- they are really helpful.

To respond to this poster -- I am in the 35-to-37-year-old range. Although women in this range can still have good results, I don't think it's going to happen for me. We have tried a few IVF cycles, and while my egg production and embryo formation have actually been pretty good, the fact is that I am not pregnant.

After two failed transfers with what appeared to be perfectly good blastocycts, I have no reason to believe that transfer No. 3, 4 or 10,000 will work. And it's not like this is a costless experience. As you IVFers know, the financial, emotional and physical tolls that the process takes are horrible. And it feels unfair to me and my family not to live life to the fullest and appreciate how wonderful things are outside of this IVF nightmare.

Donor eggs are your friend.