How do I let go of my dream to have several kids?

[Anonymous]

Had you ever considered adoption. IVF was not successful for me and my husband and I adopted the most beautiful twins. We could not have been more blessed. Actually, we were twice blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how old are you and why are you sure you need to give up?

OP, here.
First, thanks everyone for your responses -- they are really helpful.

To respond to this poster -- I am in the 35-to-37-year-old range. Although women in this range can still have good results, I don't think it's going to happen for me. We have tried a few IVF cycles, and while my egg production and embryo formation have actually been pretty good, the fact is that I am not pregnant.

After two failed transfers with what appeared to be perfectly good blastocycts, I have no reason to believe that transfer No. 3, 4 or 10,000 will work. And it's not like this is a costless experience. As you IVFers know, the financial, emotional and physical tolls that the process takes are horrible. And it feels unfair to me and my family not to live life to the fullest and appreciate how wonderful things are outside of this IVF nightmare.

OP, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't start trying until I was almost 38 and after four years of failure upon failure we now have 2. My advice would be to have your embryos genetically tested. Those that look perfect often aren't and vice versa. See how things go once you transfer a known "normal" embryo. If it still doesn't work, you can start investigating possible implantation issues. If it turns out that you aren't producing any normals you'll know it may be time to try a donor. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm in the exact same boat as you. It does get better especially when you realize you are able to do things with your one DC that you may not be able to do as easily if you have multiple children. I still get sad sometimes though, especially when DC says things like "I wish I had a brother or sister". Ugh, the guilt. It kills me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look at women like me who have had multiple failures in having even 1 child. Then maybe you will feel thankful that you have at least 1.

I am sure she is very, very grateful to have one. Her sadness at not having an additional child doesn't lessen your pain. Rest assured that there is plenty to go around.

+1. I hope you have success, but don't let the bitterness and sadness win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how old are you and why are you sure you need to give up?

OP, here.
First, thanks everyone for your responses -- they are really helpful.

To respond to this poster -- I am in the 35-to-37-year-old range. Although women in this range can still have good results, I don't think it's going to happen for me. We have tried a few IVF cycles, and while my egg production and embryo formation have actually been pretty good, the fact is that I am not pregnant.

After two failed transfers with what appeared to be perfectly good blastocycts, I have no reason to believe that transfer No. 3, 4 or 10,000 will work. And it's not like this is a costless experience. As you IVFers know, the financial, emotional and physical tolls that the process takes are horrible. And it feels unfair to me and my family not to live life to the fullest and appreciate how wonderful things are outside of this IVF nightmare.

OP, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't start trying until I was almost 38 and after four years of failure upon failure we now have 2. My advice would be to have your embryos genetically tested. Those that look perfect often aren't and vice versa. See how things go once you transfer a known "normal" embryo. If it still doesn't work, you can start investigating possible implantation issues. If it turns out that you aren't producing any normals you'll know it may be time to try a donor. Good luck!

OP, this is good advice. I had several failed cycles before doing PGD testing on my 5-day embryos. If you are able to produce 5-day embryos, look into this. Success rates are very high regardless of age if you have a normal embryo. I had success at 38.

[Anonymous]

5-day blasts

Sorry I'm screwing up my lingo.

[Anonymous]

We adopted. If I could go back in time, I would savor each moment I had with my child because mourning and holding on to an unattainable dream takes away attention from living in the moment with the child you do have. Not saying you can't mourn or that you shouldn't, just that you might miss out on life and your child if you focus too much on what you can't have. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, from what I read, you did 2 IVF transfers that were unsuccessful?

I did 4 fresh and 1 frozen cycle to conceive my 2nd at ages 31-32. I was diagnosed as having diminished ovarian reserve at age 31 and only got 4-6 eggs and 1-3 embryos per cycle. I finally got pregnant on my 4th fresh IVF when trying for #2.

I understand you may not have the emotional, physical, or financial reserves to do more cycles, but I think 2 cycles isn't enough to call it a day.

I have done a total of 10 IVF cycles, with 4 pregnancies, 2 living children, 1 stillbirth, and 1 current pregnancy (27 weeks! we might make it!). I also have friends that have turned to adoption, donor eggs, and donor embryos to have their 2nd children. It may not be the path you expect. It may be way way harder than it should. But, if you truely have your heart set on more than 1 child, perseverance is key. 35-37 is still young! Best of luck to you.