Ex doesn't want me to date
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Anonymous
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My ex is a real ass about me dating anyone. He gets mean, threatens to go to the mattresses on custody and otherwise makes my life very difficult. I keep my dating life to myself just to keep the peace. This secretive behavior is not well tolerated by the people I'm dating, which is understandable.
Ten years of this is more than enough to last me a lifetime, but I'm not sure telling him is a good idea. He will be difficult, which will be tough on our child. Ideas? I know I've let this shit continue for 10 years too many. Advice on a way out is more helpful than advice on what I should have done years ago. |
Anonymous
| How old are the kids? |
Anonymous
Almost 12. |
Anonymous
| Just date. Why are you letting this man run your life? You don't need his approval. Are you scared of him? What will he tell a judge? My ex has a bf, please do something and take the kids away? |
Anonymous
| Why are you letting him control you? Unless deep down you still aren't over him which seems like it might be the case here. |
Anonymous
Don't be an ass. Sounds like he's controlling and abusive. |
Anonymous
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Definitely not still hung up on him.
Last time we went through this, he was an asshole for months, yelling a lot, picking fights, etc. He tried to start a custody fight. I had to hire an attorney and go to court. It was stressful and expensive. He has financial resources that I don't have. He makes extended family time terrible, which sucks for our child. He threatens stop support, which I need to afford housing. I know I have legal recourse on that, but I doubt it will be fast enough to prevent serious financial problems. |
Anonymous
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I have a friend who is going through this. The ex is miserable and even though she cheated and left him for the other man - whom she now lives with - she still rages at my friend any time there is even a hint of someone else. Last year he fell in love and remarried. His ex has been AWFUL. She does everything she can to go after him. The fighting is non-stop. The kids are in the middle of it all and they are miserable. They are always in court. He actually went bankrupt from it. All if this started after he met the new woman. Before that, it was fine.
Honestly, there really is nothing you can do to change this behavior. My friend tried everything - being nice, being tough, ignoring it, engaging. Nothing worked. You have six more years until your kid is 18. My advice is to keep quiet about it until then. It's not fun, but it's what you have to do to protect yourself and your child. |
Anonymous
| Tell him you don't date. Tell him that you go out to bars and pick up one night stands. |
Anonymous
| does he date? |
Anonymous
| How would he even know you are dating? Why would you even engage in conversation about it? I understand your kids are older (at least 10yrs old) and dad cN ask them about it. But how would your 10 yr old know either- your DC shouldn't even be meeting a man until it is fairly serious and you think you could see yourself marrying this man. |
Anonymous
Stop being a wuss and catering to your ex. |
Anonymous
+1 That's the answer, I'm afraid. |
Anonymous
| I have to agree with others and say stop catering to your ex. Why are you engaging with him if he yells, picks fights, etc. Not worth it |
Anonymous
Sorry but this is the only answer. He does this because you allow it. Stop talking to him about anything other than the health and well-being of the child you share. Everything else is off limits. Don't get pulled into small talk or conversations about anything that is not directly related to your child. Think of your relationship as nothing more than a business relationship. Let him threaten till his head explodes. If he drags you into court, demand attorneys fees and court costs. If he is late with support, ask the courts for an income deduction order. Don't play around. As soon as he sees you are serious, he'll back off. |