Ex doesn't want me to date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not my Facebook friend. We have a couple of mutual friends who don't use FB much and are both my child's friend.

I'm not entirely sure how he got into my email.

We share a cell family account. I'll look into getting my own.

A lot of changes to how I act and how we handle money is going to tip him off that I'm hiding something. It needs to be done. I'll find a way to do it.

Seriously GROW A PAIR!

Who cares if he is "tipped off"??? Date and REFUSE to engage with him in conversation outside of your child.

What is he going to tell a judge? The my ex wife of 10 years is dating, declare her unfit?

Go get some therapy and find out why you have been divorced to a man for 10 years that you are still allowing to control you. What kind of example are you setting for your child? that mom gets willingly abused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not my Facebook friend. We have a couple of mutual friends who don't use FB much and are both my child's friend.

I'm not entirely sure how he got into my email.

We share a cell family account. I'll look into getting my own.

A lot of changes to how I act and how we handle money is going to tip him off that I'm hiding something. It needs to be done. I'll find a way to do it.

Why would he know how "we" handle money. He should be paying you child support and that's all he should know. Are you divorced or not? I can't believe this. If this post is true, you really need to change the way things are going. For the time being, you should only discuss things that involve custody exchanges and legally or morally required matters concerning your children. That's it.

[Anonymous]

I meant how we deal with money exchanges between us, not shared finances.

It's easy to tell me to grow a pair. What's not as easy is to deal with him when he's pissed. Everyone suffers when he's pissed.

[Anonymous]

I'm a little worried he's stalking you, if he is somehow getting into your email and cell phone records and knows stuff on Facebook.

He also sounds abusive and controlling. For your sake, I'm glad you divorced him, but I think the guys you date should probably be glad to stay off his radar by being discreet. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your current boyfriend probably has issues with more than just the secrecy. You are still way too connected to your ex.

Can you garnish his wages so you don't have to worry about his threat not to pay child support?

Definitely time to get your own phone. Cut any other inappropriate financial ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your current boyfriend probably has issues with more than just the secrecy. You are still way too connected to your ex.

Can you garnish his wages so you don't have to worry about his threat not to pay child support?

Definitely time to get your own phone. Cut any other inappropriate financial ties.

Oh, and quit facebook. No need for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meant how we deal with money exchanges between us, not shared finances.

It's easy to tell me to grow a pair. What's not as easy is to deal with him when he's pissed. Everyone suffers when he's pissed.

What kind of contact do you need with him? Money exchanges can be set up so you don't have to deal with each other. What other contact do you need? Your kid is older so you can meet at a 3rd party location,sit with your kid at a table while you wait for his dad, when dad shows up, you leave. Don't engage. Just don't.

[Anonymous]

You can date and NOT tell this guy about it and that does not mean that you are "hiding secrets" from him. It means that you have a life of your own that you fully intend to lead - stop looking for his permission to do so. Absolutely you should not be on the same cell phone plan - you are way too entangled with this guy. And you need stop confiding in people who BLAB everything you say right back to him. Those aren't friends, those are informants. Steer clear,

How old are you, Op. You sound very young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can date and NOT tell this guy about it and that does not mean that you are "hiding secrets" from him. It means that you have a life of your own that you fully intend to lead - stop looking for his permission to do so. Absolutely you should not be on the same cell phone plan - you are way too entangled with this guy. And you need stop confiding in people who BLAB everything you say right back to him. Those aren't friends, those are informants. Steer clear,

How old are you, Op. You sound very young.

OP says that this pattern has been around for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I wish there was a way to talk some sense into him. There will be hell to pay for this.

No, someone needs to talk some sense into you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I wish there was a way to talk some sense into him. There will be hell to pay for this.

No, someone needs to talk some sense into you...

Take your unhelpful advice somewhere else.

I'm not going to stop going to my child's sporting or scouting events. I can't just stop talking to him without bailing on my child.

I can switch phone plans. I'm not sure what else is workable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I wish there was a way to talk some sense into him. There will be hell to pay for this.

No, someone needs to talk some sense into you...

Take your unhelpful advice somewhere else.

I'm not going to stop going to my child's sporting or scouting events. I can't just stop talking to him without bailing on my child.

I can switch phone plans. I'm not sure what else is workable.

Yes, actually you can. You can go to the sporting and scouting events and talk to other parents who are not your ex. Bring a friend if you want. You have to put the work in, but it can be done. You just don't engage. Block the people on FB who are telling our ex your personal stuff. They aren't friends to you and your ex can keep them in touch with your kid. Change your email password to something that your ex would never be able to guess. Just stop engaging. You don't have to talk to him at these events or even look at him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How old are you, Op. You sound very young.

We have a 12 year old. I wasn't a teen mom and I'm not "very young." Maybe you think that because I don't have a lot of resources. I make less than $50K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How old are you, Op. You sound very young.

We have a 12 year old. I wasn't a teen mom and I'm not "very young." Maybe you think that because I don't have a lot of resources. I make less than $50K.

No, I think people think that because you keep going against any advice you receive (minus the phone). It is possible to disengage from ex while still being actively involved in your kid's life. block negative people on FB, get a complicated email password, don't speak to ex at events, etc. It is possible, you just have to put in the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I wish there was a way to talk some sense into him. There will be hell to pay for this.

No, someone needs to talk some sense into you...

Take your unhelpful advice somewhere else.

I'm not going to stop going to my child's sporting or scouting events. I can't just stop talking to him without bailing on my child.

I can switch phone plans. I'm not sure what else is workable.

Yes, actually you can. You can go to the sporting and scouting events and talk to other parents who are not your ex. Bring a friend if you want. You have to put the work in, but it can be done. You just don't engage. Block the people on FB who are telling our ex your personal stuff. They aren't friends to you and your ex can keep them in touch with your kid. Change your email password to something that your ex would never be able to guess. Just stop engaging. You don't have to talk to him at these events or even look at him.

I second this. OP, your follow up messages are very apologist. Your current system sucks. He is controlling you through your phone and your child's activities.

You don't have to stop going. You just have to stop going _with him_. I am kind of confused as to how those activities play out. You guys go together? And behave as though, what? You're still married? What are you so afraid will happen if you don't go with him and don't sit next to him? Do you think he'll make a scene? Take you to court? For what, not sitting with him or letting him drive?

Think it through.