Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

[Anonymous]

Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, basically you are saying that women should just abort if faced with an unwanted pregnancy - there is no other choice to be able to move on with their life without future repercussions. I hope you are pro choice.

Stay classy, PP.

PP is completely correct. Apparently it's the only way to ensure you move forward with your life as you wish. Stalking the families of bio mothers is a dangerous precedent to set and will only harm the adoption industry. That leaves women who choose not to parent and may have chosen adoption with only one other viable option.

[Anonymous]

Have her read this: http://dnadoption.com/uploads/DNAadoption/DNA_and_Uncovered_Secrets_Help_and_Support.pdf

This is on a site for adoptees searching for birth parents. It discusses the ramifications of uncovering secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

“The woman’s family” is her family also.

[Anonymous]

This thread has changed my view of adoption as an option for women (and men, even though it's usually only put on the women) who want to give up an unwanted pregnancy. And not for the better.

I'm more pro-choice than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

“The woman’s family” is her family also.

Sharing DNA doesn't make them family. The adoptee's family are the people who raised her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

“The woman’s family” is her family also.

no, it's not. you are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her read this: http://dnadoption.com/uploads/DNAadoption/DNA_and_Uncovered_Secrets_Help_and_Support.pdf

This is on a site for adoptees searching for birth parents. It discusses the ramifications of uncovering secrets.

This is a wonderful resource - thank you so much for sharing! I think this may be the only positive thing to come out of this thread. - from an adoptee

[Anonymous]

This thread has also made me rethink egg and sperm donation. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

NP. I always thought adoption was a nice thing and was quietly against abortions.

After reading this thread, my opinion has changed

It just shows that despite your best intentions, the baby you give birth to might turn out with no moral compass. You can’t control how they’re raised. They might come back to try to destroy your life and family with their crazy sense of entitlement. And their family might support them on that.

Definitely one of the more depressing threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think anyone who is pregnant and reading this thread would choose abortion.

And I fear some who didn't have a choice are going to need suicide prevention counseling.

[Anonymous]

OP here still following along. This thread really bums me out in so many ways. I'd always been pro adoption because it gave me a sister and completed our family. I feel like a lot of people on here are acting like the birth family matters more than the adopted family and she has more of a right to birth family. I also always felt that the birth mother did a selfless thing giving her up for adoption when abortion was pretty easy to come by, but now she's being punished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

“The woman’s family” is her family also.

No. The concept of ‘family’ frequently disguises the true connection, that of control and domination. The birth mother chose to surrender all rights, including the right of anyone else for any reason to unseal the record. The mother’s choice permanently and irrevocably ended any other ‘family’ arising from the birth mother.

[Anonymous]

Just to put it out there: My aunt was adopted in a closed adoption and, after my Grandma died, went searching for her birth family. For her, it worked out wonderfully. It turned out her birth mom was looking for her too, but looking in Canada (where she was from/put my aunt up for adoption) rather than in the US (where my Grandparents were actually from). (My Grandpa was military and adopted my aunt while stationed in Canada.) Anyway, my aunts birth parents were very young when they had her (15), but actually stayed together and got married 8 years later and it turned out she had 5 full birth siblings! She never got to meet her father, unfortunately, as he had died several years earlier, but she had a big happy reunion with everyone else. All of this made possible by 23andme and an email sent to an apparent sibling (who she actually initially assumed was als adopted, because she knew nothing about the circumstances of her birth). In any case, just wanted to say that sometimes it ends well. We actually had a big joint immediate families of my aunt reunion a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your sister's curiosity is understandable but she is dead wrong. Trying to find and contact her birth mother is one thing, but contacting the woman's family is a violation on so many levels it boggles my mind.

“The woman’s family” is her family also.

No. The concept of ‘family’ frequently disguises the true connection, that of control and domination. The birth mother chose to surrender all rights, including the right of anyone else for any reason to unseal the record. The mother’s choice permanently and irrevocably ended any other ‘family’ arising from the birth mother.

You may assume that, but all these people now have a genetic link to said person-regardless of whatever decision the mother r father made at birth. It is the "family's" decision that supersedes anyone's. They can choose to accept or not, but no one can negate the genetic link.