Politically Incorrect Private School Thread What Do You Really Think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hahahaha I LOVE this thread. I'm bookmarking it. Thank you all for being so honest.

I grew up on the "upper spectrum" of the upper middle class, and then we lost a lot of money just before I went to college, though there was still enough money to pay for college and medical school. Adjusting to our new means was rough, but what saved me was a total understated sense of confidence that I had gained from my upbringing. I know that true confidence isn't derived from money, but there's no doubt that money certainly helps when you're learning to accept yourself.

That's part of the reason why I want my kids to go to private school.

Another reason is that I just want them to be comfortable around all the trappings of privilege. Sometimes the most boastful people are those who come from second or third tier private schools or even from public school, and try to posture and establish status by dropping names or boasting about their wealth. I want my kids to be completely unfazed and unimpressed, because they've seen better. And I want them to never, ever boast about it themselves.

I also want them to build networks. It is very hard to crack an elite social circle once you're in the work force. Those bonds tend to form in elementary school.

Yep, if I said any of this shit out loud, I'd be guillotined.

We are "new money" and want our kids to feel comfortable. ^^ same as above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hahahaha I LOVE this thread. I'm bookmarking it. Thank you all for being so honest.

I grew up on the "upper spectrum" of the upper middle class, and then we lost a lot of money just before I went to college, though there was still enough money to pay for college and medical school. Adjusting to our new means was rough, but what saved me was a total understated sense of confidence that I had gained from my upbringing. I know that true confidence isn't derived from money, but there's no doubt that money certainly helps when you're learning to accept yourself.

That's part of the reason why I want my kids to go to private school.

Another reason is that I just want them to be comfortable around all the trappings of privilege. Sometimes the most boastful people are those who come from second or third tier private schools or even from public school, and try to posture and establish status by dropping names or boasting about their wealth. I want my kids to be completely unfazed and unimpressed, because they've seen better. And I want them to never, ever boast about it themselves.

I also want them to build networks. It is very hard to crack an elite social circle once you're in the work force. Those bonds tend to form in elementary school.

Yep, if I said any of this shit out loud, I'd be guillotined.

We are "new money" and want our kids to feel comfortable. ^^ same as above.

Wow - the thing is there are a LOT of children at these upscale privates that are not in that elite social circle and I know first hand because those are the children my children tend to befriend. If I were trying to social climb and get them into the "elite" circle I would be disappointed, as they are not going that route without even knowing it as they are young still. Thank goodness they don't have parents like you that are seeking that goal for their children. Btw we are at a Big 3 and it is SO obvious that certain parents are purposely trying to get their children into the elite circle. In fact one or two parents every year request to be with the same elite families in their class and try to get into all of the same activities. Everyone knows it and sees it and it actually looks really bad. Most of all - it is sad that they don't just let their children chose their OWN friends and hang out with whomever they like best even if they don't belong to a country club and live in a certain neighborhood (ooh gasp).

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why there is so much hate in a private school forum against parents who send their kids to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why there is so much hate in a private school forum against parents who send their kids to private.

It's DC! Everyone has an axe to grind over something. Someone somewhere in DC might be happy and they just can't handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why there is so much hate in a private school forum against parents who send their kids to private.

I send my kids to private so no hate here but I do mind the fact that in order to send my child to a top school, we are forced to deal with a certain social climbing crowd that is exclusive and mean!! Not what I signed up for and hard to deal with. I don't know why the schools allow these types of people into their schools polluting the social environment. Top schools in this city can choose whomever they like as they have so many applicants.

[Anonymous]

Took some tours of a few privates in the DC area. Where are the AA teachers in these so called diverse "great" schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why there is so much hate in a private school forum against parents who send their kids to private.

I send my kids to private so no hate here but I do mind the fact that in order to send my child to a top school, we are forced to deal with a certain social climbing crowd that is exclusive and mean!! Not what I signed up for and hard to deal with. I don't know why the schools allow these types of people into their schools polluting the social environment. Top schools in this city can choose whomever they like as they have so many applicants.

Our kids attend an inexpensive parochial under 10k and don't understand the social climbing either. I don't understand the divorced/ never married / poor moms who ensure that their kids always participate on the "cool" teams. These moms and their kids are treated like crap by these social climbers. I can't stand catty people and avoid them and those teams at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took some tours of a few privates in the DC area. Where are the AA teachers in these so called diverse "great" schools?

Non-existent. I remember a parental battle at a well-known school when they recommended an afrocentric book for middle school reading and afterwards were going to have a discussion on the 'N' word. Unfortunately, not one African-American was invited to review or critique the book or weigh in on the discussion, and one of the white teachers directly involved had no idea what Jim Crow was.

I would lean more towards Sidwell or GDS where there is AA presence not only in the classroom but administrative as well.

How's that for politically incorrect?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read any of the replies.

I think smart, hard working kids with supportive parents will do well anywhere. Consequently, paying 30k + a year for k-12 is ludicrous unless you're really doing well financially (500k + let's say).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a seriously marginal neighborhood so we can afford to send our kids to private school. Why? Because if we bought into an expensive neighborhood, we'd then be locked into that school – and if it didn't work out, would be screwed. If our private school doesn't work out, we can send them to a different private school.

Our decision was influenced by the fact that both DH and I had truly, truly terrible public-school experiences. My parents knew I was in misery, but couldn't afford to send me to private school with the mortgage they were paying. I always want the freedom to be able to yank my kids and send them someplace else.

I freely admit that this is a very unusual calculus to have made, and most people think we're crazy, including my family. It just goes to show how very individual these choices are. Loving parents with the same amount of money can come to very different decisions depending on their personal experiences, values, and tolerance for risk.

I will say that our decision has been made much easier because DH and I are absolutely on the same page. Moral: marry someone who agrees with you about education.

This is us. Except we are trying to find a neighborhood with 2nd tier public schools as a back up. If I bought into Bethesda or No. VA we'd be so house poor that we'd have no options if there was bullying etc.

Problem is 2nd tier public school districts are hard to come by w/o long commutes (for us - silver springs would fit the bill, but I work in Arlington). It is all 1st tier or bust around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow - the thing is there are a LOT of children at these upscale privates that are not in that elite social circle and I know first hand because those are the children my children tend to befriend. If I were trying to social climb and get them into the "elite" circle I would be disappointed, as they are not going that route without even knowing it as they are young still. Thank goodness they don't have parents like you that are seeking that goal for their children. Btw we are at a Big 3 and it is SO obvious that certain parents are purposely trying to get their children into the elite circle. In fact one or two parents every year request to be with the same elite families in their class and try to get into all of the same activities. Everyone knows it and sees it and it actually looks really bad. Most of all - it is sad that they don't just let their children chose their OWN friends and hang out with whomever they like best even if they don't belong to a country club and live in a certain neighborhood (ooh gasp).

I know there are many parents who want for themselves the 'elite social circle', for both the parents and the kids, that private school provides; however in my case I just want my kids to have the option of feeling comfortable in that world should they choose it for themselves. I don't feel comfortable in that world, personally.

As to the quality of education small classes with enthusiastic mentors and eager students is optimum. That can occur in either public or private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why there is so much hate in a private school forum against parents who send their kids to private.

I send my kids to private so no hate here but I do mind the fact that in order to send my child to a top school, we are forced to deal with a certain social climbing crowd that is exclusive and mean!! Not what I signed up for and hard to deal with. I don't know why the schools allow these types of people into their schools polluting the social environment. Top schools in this city can choose whomever they like as they have so many applicants.

I am guessing they let them in because these are exactly the kind of people who are willing to drop big bucks for the annual fund and auction for prestige and special status.....

That said, I'm totally with you, I think they are nutty. But at the same time, I have to say that I find them easy to ignore. Luckily, my child gravitates towards genuinely nice kids with really nice families - where nobody makes it a big deal about how much $$ they have or don't have. And I have friends at the school like this too....just genuine, down to earth, nice people. I steer clear of the others, am perfectly friendly but keep at a safe distance to avoid their energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of people don't say what they really think because they are afraid of coming across as snobby or elitest.

I'll start first. I think that my private offers a higher quality education than our highly ranked public.

used to think so, too - until we made the switch and I actually found out my daughter was reading 3 grade levels ahead . . .

Public school teachers are trained. That's not necessarily the case for private school teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took some tours of a few privates in the DC area. Where are the AA teachers in these so called diverse "great" schools?

Non-existent. I remember a parental battle at a well-known school when they recommended an afrocentric book for middle school reading and afterwards were going to have a discussion on the 'N' word. Unfortunately, not one African-American was invited to review or critique the book or weigh in on the discussion, and one of the white teachers directly involved had no idea what Jim Crow was.

I would lean more towards Sidwell or GDS where there is AA presence not only in the classroom but administrative as well.

How's that for politically incorrect?

Really. That's it. In the DC area -- 2 private schools with diverse staffs. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are about to end a long run at one of the Big 3 as our youngest graduates this spring. Over 10 years of paying two tuitions for our DCs and we have concluded that it was just not worth it in terms of dollars and collateral damage to the family experience of raising children/enjoying the formative years. Before there is a sour grapes allegation, understand that both of our DCs did well in school and in athletics and have gone/will go to top tier SLACs/Ivies. It is the empty feeling at the end of the day that a great sum was spent and lots of together time was lost in pursuit of some [/b[b]]ineffable token of accomplishment/attainment. Perhaps the passage of time will reveal the intrinsic value of the Big 3 diploma and the hopefully valuable contacts that come from the friends made. Really hope that happens. Private school major plusses: small classes, higher achieving group of students (generally) and sports teams where there is a good chance to play. Private school major negatives: extremely competitive social and academic culture that is exacerbated by a large percentage of helicopter parents, overexposure to uber-wealthy families and corresponding lack of exposure to many working class families. I am sure that many private school families believe the teaching is better, but I can't say that was our experience.

PP, appreciate your thoughtful comments. We are starting to reach some of the same conclusions as you re plusses and negatives (except we haven't found a higher achieving group of students in private). Could you please elaborate on the highlighted text? For example, what was the collateral damage to the family experience of raising children? TIA.