Politically Incorrect Private School Thread What Do You Really Think?

[Anonymous]

Those of us in the middle income brackets are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.

I find this comment unfair and inaccurate. I can assure you 99+% of parents with kids at private school work hard, consider education extremely important, don't tolerate drug use, and don't favor excessive spending (nor can we afford it after paying tuition!). You should get to know some of us better before you cast judgments like these.

Indeed, at my house, we work really hard and avoid excessive spending precisely so we can save the money needed to get our children the best education we can, and we'd be really horrified if our children wasted any of our effort by engaging in drug use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't care what people think about my choice but I don't like it when people think my choice is a rejection of theirs.

I love this comment, especially the last part.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Those of us in the middle income brackets are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.

I find this comment unfair and inaccurate. I can assure you 99+% of parents with kids at private school work hard, consider education extremely important, don't tolerate drug use, and don't favor excessive spending (nor can we afford it after paying tuition!). You should get to know some of us better before you cast judgments like these.

Indeed, at my house, we work really hard and avoid excessive spending precisely so we can save the money needed to get our children the best education we can, and we'd be really horrified if our children wasted any of our effort by engaging in drug use.

The originally quoted comment was judgmental, quite negative, and definitely not totally accurate. However, there is a lot of money floating around (for example, kids who organize a last minute trip to the Rockies to take advantage of a snow day before a weekend) that can given an unrealistic view of what is "normal" in terms of income/assets/spending. The cultural effect of being around that kind of wealth is something to consider. However, the academic work ethic is quite good and I don't think there's widespread tolerance of drug use, etc. (although private school parents more worried about "how will this affect John's college application" than the underlying fact that he got stoned before school do exist).

[Anonymous]

[Those of us in the middle income brackets] are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.

Who couldn't be substituted for "Those of us in the middle income bracket"? Do any of us not work hard, find education unimportant, tolerate drug use or enjoy excessive spending? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

I don't think it is silly at all. I went to a NYC private and my friends' parents from that school helped me to get jobs that I never would have gotten on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of people don't say what they really think because they are afraid of coming across as snobby or elitest.

I'll start first. I think that my private offers a higher quality education than our highly ranked public.

The real question isn't whether your private is better than your public. It's is the benefit to your children of going to your private instead of your public greater than any other benefit that you could purchase for them with the same amount of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

I don't think it is silly at all. I went to a NYC private and my friends' parents from that school helped me to get jobs that I never would have gotten on my own.

That was my post (this is my first post since). Interesting - you're saying the connections are from your friends' parents. This is provided you make friends who have the right parents, I presume.

I guess I'm saying that who you know is still critical. But the days of being from the "right" family, white shoe banking firms and country clubs are over (I know that world, my parents come from it). For one thing, it's no longer the case that Ivies fill their classes from public schools. So, that brilliant kid you meet in college who will become a good "connection" in a few years is just as likely to have come from a public school.

[Anonymous]

Corrected:

That was my post (this is my first post since). Interesting - you're saying the connections are from your friends' parents. This is provided you make friends who have the right parents, I presume.

I guess I'm saying that who you know is still critical. But the days of being from the "right" family, white shoe banking firms and country clubs are over (I know that world, my parents come from it). For one thing, it's no longer the case that Ivies fill their classes from private schools. So, that brilliant kid you meet in college who will become a good "connection" in a few years is just as likely to have come from a public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

Interesting and thoughtful post. I don't disagree that in many cases, the diversity is based on race/ethnicity and not income, but I do think you are understating the amount of real SES diversity at some schools (generally the ones with larger endowments). Per St. Albans' website, 26% of the students get financial aid and the median award is 67% of full tuition, with the range being up to 95%. I believe Sidwell has similar numbers (maybe even a little better). So your overall point is valid, but there's a bit more SES diversity at some schools (and that's not including many of the Catholic schools, which do even better in that regard).

As someone else pointed out the SES diversity is like a bow tie. The poor and the uber rich. As someone making 100K I would never bother applying to private schools. Those of us in the middle income brackets are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.

I'm sorry, but if have to ask how you could possibly know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't care what people think about my choice but I don't like it when people think my choice is a rejection of theirs.

I love this comment, especially the last part.

+1

This is me, too.

[Anonymous]

Those of us in the middle income brackets are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.

How would you know what happens at a private school, public school parent?

[Anonymous]

It is abundantly clear to me that 11:43 is comparing the very best MoCo magnet schools to middle-of-the-pack private schools -- if 11:43 has indeed really had a child in a private school past Kindergarten at all. (11:43's assessment of, say, takoma park magnet does sound about right)

Those of us with an older tween or teen in Holton, gds or Sidwell don't think that the language and science and math piece "levels out" and becomes par with, say, Westland MS or BCC, as 11:43 suggests.

[Anonymous]

I laugh when public school parents try to act like it's the same experience as a private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of people don't say what they really think because they are afraid of coming across as snobby or elitest.

I'll start first. I think that my private offers a higher quality education than our highly ranked public.

I would hope you think that, otherwise you are wasting money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is abundantly clear to me that 11:43 is comparing the very best MoCo magnet schools to middle-of-the-pack private schools -- if 11:43 has indeed really had a child in a private school past Kindergarten at all. (11:43's assessment of, say, takoma park magnet does sound about right)

Those of us with an older tween or teen in Holton, gds or Sidwell don't think that the language and science and math piece "levels out" and becomes par with, say, Westland MS or BCC, as 11:43 suggests.

Oh for Pete's sake. I'm 11:43 and I did indeed have kids, two of them, in private schools and they stayed there way, way beyond kindergarten. And this was much more than a "middle-of-the-pack" private school - it's a very well-regarded around independent school in this area. However, sorry, but I'm not going to out my kids by naming their school just to satisfy an unhappy curmudgeon like you.

You're wrong about the science in public high schools. You seem unfamiliar with the magnet choices in MoCo in MS and HS. However, only one of my kids went through a math/science magnet so I can speak with authority about the science offerings in regular MoCo publics.

You seem to be exactly the type of private school parent to whom OP is referring! You know, the kind of parent who denigrates other parents' choices and even their experiences.