Politically Incorrect Private School Thread What Do You Really Think?

[Anonymous]

I feel like a lot of people don't say what they really think because they are afraid of coming across as snobby or elitest.

I'll start first. I think that my private offers a higher quality education than our highly ranked public.

[Anonymous]

I think that people's opinions on this are highly influenced by the fact that that are spending large amounts of money on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that people's opinions on this are highly influenced by the fact that that are spending large amounts of money on it.

I agree, and I think the bias goes both ways.

Private schools parents are doing what they think is best for their children, and investing lots of money in their children, so they obviously have strong feelings that private school is best for them. Private school parents secretly fear they are wasting their money, and don't want to hear public school parents telling them they're foolish to pay for private school. When public school parents talk about what a great value the public schools are, even if they don't explicitly comment on private schools at all, it gets the private school parents defensive and insecure about their decisions.

Public school parents are also highly focused on what is best for their children, and are doing what they think is best, so they obviously have strong feelings that public school is best for them. Public school parents secretly fear they are not giving their children the best opportunity, and don't want to hear private school parents telling them the private schools are better for kids. When private school parents talk about how great their private schools are, even if they don't explicitly comment on public schools at all, it gets the public school parents defensive and insecure about their decisions.

Both groups of parents love their children equally, and are doing what they think is best for them. But both have insecurities, and second-guess their decisions.

No one knows for sure which is "better" for kids, or whether the cost of private school is worth it. A lot depends on the particular kid. Also, the cost of private school hits some families harder than others. Some can afford it without too much stress, so they can choose without much cost consideration. For others, the cost is a big % of income, so it's a lot closer decision. And for many, even if they really believe private school is better, they simply cannot afford it.

[Anonymous]

I went from public school to a highly competitive institute for university and was afraid of the competition. It turns out many friends from TJ, private schools, etc. we're no more or less prepared than me for our university. In other words we all struggled. There were a singulair few, mostly public school grads, that were genius. Their genius had very little to do with hard work or education background.

I drank from the firehose and we were all in the same boat together. That's the reason I won't pay for private school. It doesn't offer enough to justify the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of people don't say what they really think because they are afraid of coming across as snobby or elitest.

I'll start first. I think that my private offers a higher quality education than our highly ranked public.

Well, if you didn't, then why would you be spending the money? I know where you're coming from, though, because I've said the same thing a million times to friends with kids at the public school --"of course, X is a wonderful school!" But, really, we both know that if I thought it was such a wonderful school I wouldn't be shelling out $30K a year for my kid's school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that people's opinions on this are highly influenced by the fact that that are spending large amounts of money on it.

I agree, and I think the bias goes both ways.

Private schools parents are doing what they think is best for their children, and investing lots of money in their children, so they obviously have strong feelings that private school is best for them. Private school parents secretly fear they are wasting their money, and don't want to hear public school parents telling them they're foolish to pay for private school. When public school parents talk about what a great value the public schools are, even if they don't explicitly comment on private schools at all, it gets the private school parents defensive and insecure about their decisions.

Public school parents are also highly focused on what is best for their children, and are doing what they think is best, so they obviously have strong feelings that public school is best for them. Public school parents secretly fear they are not giving their children the best opportunity, and don't want to hear private school parents telling them the private schools are better for kids. When private school parents talk about how great their private schools are, even if they don't explicitly comment on public schools at all, it gets the public school parents defensive and insecure about their decisions.

Both groups of parents love their children equally, and are doing what they think is best for them. But both have insecurities, and second-guess their decisions.

No one knows for sure which is "better" for kids, or whether the cost of private school is worth it. A lot depends on the particular kid. Also, the cost of private school hits some families harder than others. Some can afford it without too much stress, so they can choose without much cost consideration. For others, the cost is a big % of income, so it's a lot closer decision. And for many, even if they really believe private school is better, they simply cannot afford it.

This! I hate discussing schools with people. It is a conversation riddled with ego land mines. I don't care what people think about my choice but I don't like it when people think my choice is a rejection of theirs.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what people think about my choice but I don't like it when people think my choice is a rejection of theirs.

I love this comment, especially the last part.

[Anonymous]

10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

I think that's an extreme version of it but I do see friends in the area who attended some of the Big 3 schools back in the early 90's who have made social and business connections over the years that I could never make. It certainly didn't set them up for life but it did get them jobs and relationships they would not otherwise have had access to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't care what people think about my choice but I don't like it when people think my choice is a rejection of theirs.

I love this comment, especially the last part.

Yes, good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

Interesting and thoughtful post. I don't disagree that in many cases, the diversity is based on race/ethnicity and not income, but I do think you are understating the amount of real SES diversity at some schools (generally the ones with larger endowments). Per St. Albans' website, 26% of the students get financial aid and the median award is 67% of full tuition, with the range being up to 95%. I believe Sidwell has similar numbers (maybe even a little better). So your overall point is valid, but there's a bit more SES diversity at some schools (and that's not including many of the Catholic schools, which do even better in that regard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

I think that's an extreme version of it but I do see friends in the area who attended some of the Big 3 schools back in the early 90's who have made social and business connections over the years that I could never make. It certainly didn't set them up for life but it did get them jobs and relationships they would not otherwise have had access to.

I used to participate in the hiring process at a fairly prestigious private sector entity, and applicants who were from Washington and had gone to one of the local independent schools absolutely got a bump in the process. It didn't deliver the job -- they had to have credentials and interview well -- but it definitely helped the resume get picked out of the pile.

[Anonymous]

11:43: well put. And for all of those reasons, it is very isolating of the two groups. The public school parents/kids feel the way they do "I know why you put DC in private!" reasons above
...and the private school parents are tired of the non stop judging. "You are just and elitist snob with a kid with problems, who is buying grades" and other reasons above. The is not a lot of overlap in the two groups, at least where I live. Flame on about how you know one or two parents who mix ...

[Anonymous]

As for connections, duh, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

Interesting and thoughtful post. I don't disagree that in many cases, the diversity is based on race/ethnicity and not income, but I do think you are understating the amount of real SES diversity at some schools (generally the ones with larger endowments). Per St. Albans' website, 26% of the students get financial aid and the median award is 67% of full tuition, with the range being up to 95%. I believe Sidwell has similar numbers (maybe even a little better). So your overall point is valid, but there's a bit more SES diversity at some schools (and that's not including many of the Catholic schools, which do even better in that regard).

As someone else pointed out the SES diversity is like a bow tie. The poor and the uber rich. As someone making 100K I would never bother applying to private schools. Those of us in the middle income brackets are hard-working, consider education extremely important, and don't tolerate drug use or excessive spending. That viewpoint would be lacking at most private schools.