Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

No, you obviously can’t read. Good Lord.

I can read, I went to an excellent college. Feel free to ask me which one. The repeated insults are revealing, you clearly have zero interest in good manners. Have a great evening!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

No, you obviously can’t read. Good Lord.

I can read, I went to an excellent college. Feel free to ask me which one. The repeated insults are revealing, you clearly have zero interest in good manners. Have a great evening!

It’s not really an insult so much as a quite surprised observation. But I wish you a good evening as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

Why can't you guys read the thread properly and actually understand we are NOT talking about kids being fragile?

.

Being offended by an innocent question is the definition of fragile.

Yep

They aren't saying they are offended; they are saying it is a rude question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

But can't you see that a PSA to adults can co-exist with teaching our children resilience? My kids are resilient. They can - and do - handle these questions and they deal with much more difficult issues. So do I. It's not about putting bubble wrap around them for protection. They are fine. It's about giving an FYI to others who don't realize the current landscape.

Another example using all adults, it's like asking someone who has just one child (or even no children) when they are having another or why they only have one. It's pretty insensitive and intrusive. Many of these women would love to have more but can't or have had multiple miscarriages. You just don't go there. (But most of the time - when people "do" go there - the woman just deals with it - hopefully the questioner is naive or old. Sometimes, they are just being rude.)

[Anonymous]

Private school tours happen around the same time as applications are due. Which means any Seniors touring prospective families around are probably stressed out about it and don't need to feel like yet another adult (and this one is a stranger so they matter not) is pressing them about college.

I volunteer for tours and happened to be paired up with a Senior. Parents were asking too many questions which were all leading up to getting an exact list of schools from said Senior and I redirected the conversation/their attention.

It's fine to wish a Senior "good luck" who is in the thick of it but other than that, pay attention to your kid/your family and why the school you're visiting may or may not be a good fit for your child's pre-college education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

Are you ASD? Serious question. Being polite means you avoid uncomfortable topics in casual conversations. You could also make them uncomfortable by asking them about their political views or religion, but those would also be considered impolite.

DP. No, it’s not a serious question. You are using it as an insult. Cut it out.

FFS. It's a valid question. PP doesn't understand the definition of polite conversation and doesn't understand that certain topics are rude to ask about. These posters deflect, claiming that regardless of whether it's rude, it's important that these kids have "resiliency." Either PP doesn't understand the basics of polite conversation, or they're just an ass hole. Trying to give them the benefit of asking.

[Anonymous]

"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

Of course this is the correct answer but the posters above will say you are autistic because you haven’t solely focused on the fact that it is a rude question that should never be asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

Except there isn’t a list of matriculations in your welcome packet. There is a list of schools where at least one kid matriculated over the last 4 years (and I am not sure it is in the welcome packet) which is essentially useless information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

Except there isn’t a list of matriculations in your welcome packet. There is a list of schools where at least one kid matriculated over the last 4 years (and I am not sure it is in the welcome packet) which is essentially useless information.

Why is that useless? It is far more useful than knowing where one random kid applied. Statistically, having a broader group of acceptances or matriculations is more useful than just a handful from one year. Not all kids apply to the same schools, and certainly not every year. Each kid is choosing 5-12 schools from a list of hundreds to apply to.

Also, I get the feeling that some people seem to think that if a student chooses school number 39, that they applied to and were rejected from schools 1-38. That's now how this works. And even after all the acceptances come in, kids are far more thoughtful about their choice than just picking the one that happens to be ranked highest that year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

Except there isn’t a list of matriculations in your welcome packet. There is a list of schools where at least one kid matriculated over the last 4 years (and I am not sure it is in the welcome packet) which is essentially useless information.

Why is that useless? It is far more useful than knowing where one random kid applied. Statistically, having a broader group of acceptances or matriculations is more useful than just a handful from one year. Not all kids apply to the same schools, and certainly not every year. Each kid is choosing 5-12 schools from a list of hundreds to apply to.

Also, I get the feeling that some people seem to think that if a student chooses school number 39, that they applied to and were rejected from schools 1-38. That's now how this works. And even after all the acceptances come in, kids are far more thoughtful about their choice than just picking the one that happens to be ranked highest that year.

How is it useful to know that 1 kid from Sidwell was accepted to Harvard or the University of Alabama over the last 4 years? Certainly, everyone expects at least one kid to get accepted to a top school when aggregated over 4 years.

At least Bullis tells you how many kids are attending each school from just last year's graduating class. That has some utility, so if they handed out that sheet...that is great, useful information that all schools should provide.

[Anonymous]

How is this an irrelevant question? If parents are spending a ridiculous amount on tuition, they want an idea of some possible results. I wouldn’t be willing to pay $35k a year if most of the kids ended up at Towson. Not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Generally kids here at XYZHS apply to a wide range of schools. There is actually a list of matriculations in your welcome packet."

Done.

Except there isn’t a list of matriculations in your welcome packet. There is a list of schools where at least one kid matriculated over the last 4 years (and I am not sure it is in the welcome packet) which is essentially useless information.

Then ask the Admissions office for more information

[Anonymous]

All you people wanting to know about college admissions - if your kid isn't hooked - don't count on T20 if you are at a Big 5 school. The hooked kids will take those spots. There's your answer.