Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.

Confused...why do your kids need Big3 based on your logic above?

There IS more to education than achieving a college! I send them to Big 3 for all those other reasons. Want to know them? There are about a million threads about this already, so I will respect OP’s post by not diverting attention here.

Actually, there are lots of threads about private vs. public, but the threads purporting superiority of the Big3 vs. other DMV privates ring quite hollow (and there really are not that many). If you cared so much about the prestige of a Big3, it seems very strange that you are now actively discouraging your DD from enjoying similar college prestige.

I think you care more about the prestige than I do. It was a good fit when my oldest got in at pre-K. All the siblings just followed her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

The point of the thread is not that the kids aren't going to handle the question. The point is to let touring parents know they are coming across as obnoxious for asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

Why can't you guys read the thread properly and actually understand we are NOT talking about kids being fragile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

You should be seriously worried about adults who cannot follow a thread well enough to understand the point of the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

And you're a moron for not reading the OP. She was advising that the question is considered rude. Try reading the post first before going on your boomer rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

Why can't you guys read the thread properly and actually understand we are NOT talking about kids being fragile?

.

Being offended by an innocent question is the definition of fragile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.

Confused...why do your kids need Big3 based on your logic above?

There IS more to education than achieving a college! I send them to Big 3 for all those other reasons. Want to know them? There are about a million threads about this already, so I will respect OP’s post by not diverting attention here.

Actually, there are lots of threads about private vs. public, but the threads purporting superiority of the Big3 vs. other DMV privates ring quite hollow (and there really are not that many). If you cared so much about the prestige of a Big3, it seems very strange that you are now actively discouraging your DD from enjoying similar college prestige.

I think you care more about the prestige than I do. It was a good fit when my oldest got in at pre-K. All the siblings just followed her.

Nah….but I love calling you out on your BS. Just own it.

[Anonymous]

I love all of the posters calling people morons and saying they can’t read to advance their argument that adults should be more polite. I wish I understood more about proper manners today, it is confusing around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

Are you ASD? Serious question. Being polite means you avoid uncomfortable topics in casual conversations. You could also make them uncomfortable by asking them about their political views or religion, but those would also be considered impolite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

Are you ASD? Serious question. Being polite means you avoid uncomfortable topics in casual conversations. You could also make them uncomfortable by asking them about their political views or religion, but those would also be considered impolite.

DP. No, it’s not a serious question. You are using it as an insult. Cut it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

Are you ASD? Serious question. Being polite means you avoid uncomfortable topics in casual conversations. You could also make them uncomfortable by asking them about their political views or religion, but those would also be considered impolite.

I am not autistic, I just disagree with you and haven’t changed my mind after all of the repeated insults. I’m not sure you know what being polite means, none of your comments are exactly Emily Post material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

+1000 I seriously worry about the resilience of this generation of kids! And their parents are not helping.

Why can't you guys read the thread properly and actually understand we are NOT talking about kids being fragile?

.

Being offended by an innocent question is the definition of fragile.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There was a great article in the NYTimes about how normal stressors are viewed by today's teens as a serious mental health issues. Like instead of saying I feel very nervous about standing up in front of class to give my presentation, they think they have a social anxiety disorder. Every one of us was asked awkward questions when we were teens and we learned how to brush them off. They were more likely to be "why don't you have a boyfriend?" from my elderly aunt for me in the 1980s but we need to teach our teens how to have lots of different social interactions without becoming unglued.

You all keep missing the point. The point isn't whether kids can answer awkward questions. The point is a PSA to adults to get them up to speed on the fact that this is no longer an appropriate small talk topic, no longer simple question. College admissions has changed so much in the last 4 years...it was already stressful before that.

I get the point and I never ask this question myself. But life is filled with awkward questions and you are missing the point that we need to teach our teenagers how to handle themselves in uncomfortable situations, particularly when they have to interact with people of a different generation or from a different culture. I know that some people wish we could curate settings with nothing but easy social interactions for our kids but that's not likely going to be how the rest of their lives work. And if the worst most stressful thing that your 17 has to deal with is someone asking about their college applications they are extraordinarily fortunate.

Oh for heaven’s sake. You can’t even read.

I can read. You don’t want anyone to ask a 17 year old a question that might make them uncomfortable. I think that discomfort is part of life, even for the tour guides of top private schools who aren’t used to it. I think they can handle it.

No, you obviously can’t read. Good Lord.