Is this a common feeling in your early 40s? Feels like friends are getting rich and we're stagnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.

This is literally me and my wife. Paid for schools, $100k down payment and annual gifting.

We both make a lot of money and live in a 1.6M house. Nowhere near 3M.

If that gift of $100k was $1M, then sure, maybe we would have gone up to 2-2.5m.

The gifts do not let us live lavishly, our incomes would (if we cared about that)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

D.C. has more than lowly feds. Lots of high-born yuppy strategists, lobbyists, consultants, contractors, doctors, and lawyers making well into the six-figures. Consultants and program managers with an MBA are $200K+ all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.

This is literally me and my wife. Paid for schools, $100k down payment and annual gifting.

We both make a lot of money and live in a 1.6M house. Nowhere near 3M.

If that gift of $100k was $1M, then sure, maybe we would have gone up to 2-2.5m.

The gifts do not let us live lavishly, our incomes would (if we cared about that)

You're splitting hairs. You don't think debt-free 30-something DINKs living in a $1.5M+ home is rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.

This is literally me and my wife. Paid for schools, $100k down payment and annual gifting.

We both make a lot of money and live in a 1.6M house. Nowhere near 3M.

If that gift of $100k was $1M, then sure, maybe we would have gone up to 2-2.5m.

The gifts do not let us live lavishly, our incomes would (if we cared about that)

You're splitting hairs. You don't think debt-free 30-something DINKs living in a $1.5M+ home is rich?

I'm not saying that. PP was mentioning $3M homes.

Many of my friends are in a similar situation and none of them live in $3M regardless if their parents are worth $5, $10m or $50M+

Now down the road they may; but from an appearance standpoint, most of my friends would feel embarrassed living in a $3M house at our age; regardless of their income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think it is common to feel this way in your 40s. A lot of decisions are playing out. People who got on the NE DC property ladder early are now able to cash out. People who had kids younger are through daycare for their youngest. Student loans are wrapping up, and people are leveling up their jobs. But people who didn't buy a home, had kids later, and weren't as financially focused in their late 20s and early 30s are suddenly waking up to the long-term consequences. It's hard and awkward.

I'm one decade further out now (early 50s) and I have a different view now. I would consider myself somewhat in this latter camp--I wandered around in my 20s,had my kids and bought a house in my mid to late 30s and really didn't fully hit my career stride until my 40s. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I had a lot of varied, interesting experiences--made a lot of friends that I still have distributed around the world. I feel like these experiences fuel my mental life and I see in my aging parents how important memories and connections from their early lives are to them.

I went to a fairly elite school and I have plenty of friends who were on a much more quickly upwardly mobile track than me. They settled down and bought houses and had families when I was still wandering. I did have a moment in my early 40s when I was bogged down with work, still paying for daycare when many of my group of friends seemed to all be traveling the world, entertaining and I felt like I was now this drudge, spending all my money on daycare, mortgage and 401ks and no time to myself. But at 50 now I've got more time with teenaged kids, smooth career, things are going well--finances are great, we travel together doing interesting things and that these folks are richer than me doesn't seem to matter in the least--I've got more than enough for what I want. Some of those friends have drifted apart, some are still close, I've made new ones etc. Quite a few of the "settled down early" folks are getting divorced in their 50s now that their kids are grown and that has brought them back more into my daily life--they are looking to reconnect with old ties as they rebuild their lives.

Sorry if you are early 50s, housing was way cheaper when you decided to “grow up”. There has been a shift in the cost of housing (and education) that has crushed subsequent generations in a way that “wandering” is life altering in a bad way, unless you come from family wealth.

I could see saying that to someone in their 80s. Someone who is 52 now was house shopping around 2005.

Really? 34 is when they bought their first home as professionals in DC?

34 was when we rolled the 1st house equity into the second home. Then refinanced to 15 yr loan and paid off 2nd home 5 yrs early. Also Picked up a beach place along the way.

We did the exactly same thing on the same schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.

This is literally me and my wife. Paid for schools, $100k down payment and annual gifting.

We both make a lot of money and live in a 1.6M house. Nowhere near 3M.

If that gift of $100k was $1M, then sure, maybe we would have gone up to 2-2.5m.

The gifts do not let us live lavishly, our incomes would (if we cared about that)

You're splitting hairs. You don't think debt-free 30-something DINKs living in a $1.5M+ home is rich?

I'm not saying that. PP was mentioning $3M homes.

Many of my friends are in a similar situation and none of them live in $3M regardless if their parents are worth $5, $10m or $50M+

Now down the road they may; but from an appearance standpoint, most of my friends would feel embarrassed living in a $3M house at our age; regardless of their income

$1.5M or $2.5M or whatever. Debt free, two six-figure incomes and lots of equity in a $1.5M+ home in your 30s is extremely fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Most people I know are more or less UMC with some outliers here or there.
Also, the people I know with wealthy parents often have strings attached: As in, we'll pay for private school, if we decide on the school. Or fancy vacations but the parents dictate the itinerary. So nothing is totally free.
I think it's really hard to know the ins and outs, emotional and quantitative, of people's financial lives. One rich person might be miserable. One struggling person might also have a really awesome marriage or hobby. I know it sounds trite, but it really is a marathon, not a sprint, and "stagnating" is just a state of mind.

[Anonymous]

I'm making 160k per year in my mid 40s after 20 years as a Federal employee. My net worth is just under 2 million. I earned about 1.3M of that myself, saving and investing in index funds from my Federal salary. I feel like I'm upper middle class, but I still live as if I'm middle class in a 500 sq ft apartment (no spouse or kids). My parents paid for my undergraduate and I paid for my no-name college MBA. I've been getting gifts from my parents of $5k to $10K per year, which I just save in the bank. I'm hoping to buy a 2 BR, 2BA condo for around $400k to $500K as close to Arlington as I can get.

I'm really content with where I'm at and I'm doing the best financially out of most of my friends. I don't think one needs a $2M+ Arlington house to be happy in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm making 160k per year in my mid 40s after 20 years as a Federal employee. My net worth is just under 2 million. I earned about 1.3M of that myself, saving and investing in index funds from my Federal salary. I feel like I'm upper middle class, but I still live as if I'm middle class in a 500 sq ft apartment (no spouse or kids). My parents paid for my undergraduate and I paid for my no-name college MBA. I've been getting gifts from my parents of $5k to $10K per year, which I just save in the bank. I'm hoping to buy a 2 BR, 2BA condo for around $400k to $500K as close to Arlington as I can get.

I'm really content with where I'm at and I'm doing the best financially out of most of my friends. I don't think one needs a $2M+ Arlington house to be happy in life.

Congrats and well done on being grateful and happy. Not a sneer at all, but a key element of your financial status is that you don’t have children… 160k without kids is a very comfortable HHI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm making 160k per year in my mid 40s after 20 years as a Federal employee. My net worth is just under 2 million. I earned about 1.3M of that myself, saving and investing in index funds from my Federal salary. I feel like I'm upper middle class, but I still live as if I'm middle class in a 500 sq ft apartment (no spouse or kids). My parents paid for my undergraduate and I paid for my no-name college MBA. I've been getting gifts from my parents of $5k to $10K per year, which I just save in the bank. I'm hoping to buy a 2 BR, 2BA condo for around $400k to $500K as close to Arlington as I can get.

I'm really content with where I'm at and I'm doing the best financially out of most of my friends. I don't think one needs a $2M+ Arlington house to be happy in life.

Living in a 500-square-foot apartment with $2M in the bank is miser/hoarder territory. Even if you buy a 2BR condo for $500K, you still have $1.5M. If you withdraw 3% per year, that's $45K, which can probably cover all your expenses with no rent - you're financially free now. I'm single too and planning on doing something similar. But right now, you're in miser territory in a tiny apartment. And for what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm making 160k per year in my mid 40s after 20 years as a Federal employee. My net worth is just under 2 million. I earned about 1.3M of that myself, saving and investing in index funds from my Federal salary. I feel like I'm upper middle class, but I still live as if I'm middle class in a 500 sq ft apartment (no spouse or kids). My parents paid for my undergraduate and I paid for my no-name college MBA. I've been getting gifts from my parents of $5k to $10K per year, which I just save in the bank. I'm hoping to buy a 2 BR, 2BA condo for around $400k to $500K as close to Arlington as I can get.

I'm really content with where I'm at and I'm doing the best financially out of most of my friends. I don't think one needs a $2M+ Arlington house to be happy in life.

Living in a 500-square-foot apartment with $2M in the bank is miser/hoarder territory. Even if you buy a 2BR condo for $500K, you still have $1.5M. If you withdraw 3% per year, that's $45K, which can probably cover all your expenses with no rent - you're financially free now. I'm single too and planning on doing something similar. But right now, you're in miser territory in a tiny apartment. And for what?

PP sounds like a realtor looking for a commission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

D.C. has more than lowly feds. Lots of high-born yuppy strategists, lobbyists, consultants, contractors, doctors, and lawyers making well into the six-figures. Consultants and program managers with an MBA are $200K+ all day long.

When I read "high-born" in the US I cannot but laugh.

You folks didn't fight to get rid of this nonsense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

D.C. has more than lowly feds. Lots of high-born yuppy strategists, lobbyists, consultants, contractors, doctors, and lawyers making well into the six-figures. Consultants and program managers with an MBA are $200K+ all day long.

When I read "high-born" in the US I cannot but laugh.

You folks didn't fight to get rid of this nonsense?

I read that and thought she was born in an airplane bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

D.C. has more than lowly feds. Lots of high-born yuppy strategists, lobbyists, consultants, contractors, doctors, and lawyers making well into the six-figures. Consultants and program managers with an MBA are $200K+ all day long.

When I read "high-born" in the US I cannot but laugh.

You folks didn't fight to get rid of this nonsense?

I read that and thought she was born in an airplane bathroom.

Read a book. High born are like the house of the Lannisters and Stark. Hopefully not house Frey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

D.C. has more than lowly feds. Lots of high-born yuppy strategists, lobbyists, consultants, contractors, doctors, and lawyers making well into the six-figures. Consultants and program managers with an MBA are $200K+ all day long.

When I read "high-born" in the US I cannot but laugh.

You folks didn't fight to get rid of this nonsense?

I read that and thought she was born in an airplane bathroom.

Read a book. High born are like the house of the Lannisters and Stark. Hopefully not house Frey.

Sounds like you were born in a budget airliner bathroom. Air must have been thin there.