Is this a common feeling in your early 40s? Feels like friends are getting rich and we're stagnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Living in a 500-square-foot apartment with $2M in the bank is miser/hoarder territory. Even if you buy a 2BR condo for $500K, you still have $1.5M. If you withdraw 3% per year, that's $45K, which can probably cover all your expenses with no rent - you're financially free now. I'm single too and planning on doing something similar. But right now, you're in miser territory in a tiny apartment. And for what?

I have around 400K in the bank. The rest is in two brokerage accounts and three retirement accounts. I would say that I'm conservative with my spending. Also, keeping my spending low has helped me to give more to my church, charities, and friends in need. I've been putting some of my appreciated stocks in to a Donor Advised Fund with Vanguard so I can get the tax write off and give that money out to charities over time.

I'm very close to reaching a net worth where I would never need to work again, as long as I keep my expenses low. I will probably end up working to age 57 anyway so I can get subsidized health insurance as a Federal government retiree for life. That health insurance is easily worth $10,000 per year because I use the mental health benefits a lot.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.

This is literally me and my wife. Paid for schools, $100k down payment and annual gifting.

We both make a lot of money and live in a 1.6M house. Nowhere near 3M.

If that gift of $100k was $1M, then sure, maybe we would have gone up to 2-2.5m.

The gifts do not let us live lavishly, our incomes would (if we cared about that)

You're splitting hairs. You don't think debt-free 30-something DINKs living in a $1.5M+ home is rich?

I'm not saying that. PP was mentioning $3M homes.

Many of my friends are in a similar situation and none of them live in $3M regardless if their parents are worth $5, $10m or $50M+

Now down the road they may; but from an appearance standpoint, most of my friends would feel embarrassed living in a $3M house at our age; regardless of their income

We live in a $4m home. The houses in our immediate area are $3-8m. While I don’t know what everyone does, the ones we know have lucrative businesses or jobs. We have politicians, tech executives, lobbyists, c level executives of Fortune 500 companies, some specialized doctors and big law partners.

The people who live here are not feds with parents who helped out with college and a down payment.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. We know families whose family money pays for kids private school tuition and more modest homes, maybe in the $1m range. The wealthy parents seem so involved in their lives. I would hate living this way, like getting an allowance when I have my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. We know families whose family money pays for kids private school tuition and more modest homes, maybe in the $1m range. The wealthy parents seem so involved in their lives. I would hate living this way, like getting an allowance when I have my own family.

I was the PP talking about the family help I get.

My in laws are good about not holding it over our head but there is definitely some guilt I feel if I don’t go visit them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. We know families whose family money pays for kids private school tuition and more modest homes, maybe in the $1m range. The wealthy parents seem so involved in their lives. I would hate living this way, like getting an allowance when I have my own family.

Yeah, I'd accept some meddling if someone gave me a $1M house free and clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Living in a 500-square-foot apartment with $2M in the bank is miser/hoarder territory. Even if you buy a 2BR condo for $500K, you still have $1.5M. If you withdraw 3% per year, that's $45K, which can probably cover all your expenses with no rent - you're financially free now. I'm single too and planning on doing something similar. But right now, you're in miser territory in a tiny apartment. And for what?

I have around 400K in the bank. The rest is in two brokerage accounts and three retirement accounts. I would say that I'm conservative with my spending. Also, keeping my spending low has helped me to give more to my church, charities, and friends in need. I've been putting some of my appreciated stocks in to a Donor Advised Fund with Vanguard so I can get the tax write off and give that money out to charities over time.

I'm very close to reaching a net worth where I would never need to work again, as long as I keep my expenses low. I will probably end up working to age 57 anyway so I can get subsidized health insurance as a Federal government retiree for life. That health insurance is easily worth $10,000 per year because I use the mental health benefits a lot.

Then why are you saving all of this money? Is it anxiety? My own parent has anxiety and because of it I’ll inherit a large inheritance. Or is it that a large bank account truly makes you happy?

I’m planning to work until retirement because it’s very easy to make money by going to work. I still have plenty of time to enjoy life. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy living in a nice home, luxury travel, 529s, dinners out etc. Forgoing this to have a large brokerage account my kids will inherit? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm making 160k per year in my mid 40s after 20 years as a Federal employee. My net worth is just under 2 million. I earned about 1.3M of that myself, saving and investing in index funds from my Federal salary. I feel like I'm upper middle class, but I still live as if I'm middle class in a 500 sq ft apartment (no spouse or kids). My parents paid for my undergraduate and I paid for my no-name college MBA. I've been getting gifts from my parents of $5k to $10K per year, which I just save in the bank. I'm hoping to buy a 2 BR, 2BA condo for around $400k to $500K as close to Arlington as I can get.

I'm really content with where I'm at and I'm doing the best financially out of most of my friends. I don't think one needs a $2M+ Arlington house to be happy in life.

Living in a 500-square-foot apartment with $2M in the bank is miser/hoarder territory. Even if you buy a 2BR condo for $500K, you still have $1.5M. If you withdraw 3% per year, that's $45K, which can probably cover all your expenses with no rent - you're financially free now. I'm single too and planning on doing something similar. But right now, you're in miser territory in a tiny apartment. And for what?

I’m single living in a 3br townhouse and a 500 sqft apartment sounds like a dream. Minimalist lifestyles can’t be beat

[Anonymous]

Nah, I know my family wasn't able to provide what other families in DC can because I'm from the Rust Belt. My investments are boring old index funds that won't let me travel the world now but will set up a cushion for my kids. The friends I have that are doing better are getting inheritances from dead parents (don't envy that) or from trust funds which I won't have unless I find a genie lamp to rub.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then why are you saving all of this money? Is it anxiety? My own parent has anxiety and because of it I’ll inherit a large inheritance. Or is it that a large bank account truly makes you happy?

It could certainly be anxiety. I've already had around six episodes of depression and or anxiety over the last 18 years, so I wanted to build my net worth up to a point where I would never have to work again. At $2M, I'm just about there. Also, having my own tiny 1BR apartment that I lease with no debt and $2M in assets already puts me in the top 10% of people worldwide, so if I buy a bigger condo, I would be up in the top 5%. I don't have expensive hobbies. I hang out with my church friends a lot and can buy them some Chick-fil-A catered food occasionally, so I feel like I'm already living a charmed life. Also, I will likely inherit around $2m to $3m within the next 10 years, but I don't count that yet or even like to think about it, because that will mean my parents have died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. We know families whose family money pays for kids private school tuition and more modest homes, maybe in the $1m range. The wealthy parents seem so involved in their lives. I would hate living this way, like getting an allowance when I have my own family.

Yeah, I'd accept some meddling if someone gave me a $1M house free and clear.

+1. The people on here who talk about parents and in-laws “meddling” sound like weird shut-ins. It’s family…some people…get this…enjoy their parents and in-laws. My husband genuinely loves hanging out with my dad.

[Anonymous]

We have no family money, no inheritances. We just are. 2 income household. We have a few investment properties and have a 2nd home. We are 45 and simply are high income. It’s that basic.

Everyone can find someone doing better than themselves. It’s best to keep your eyes on your own stuff and not be worry about others.

[Anonymous]

I am not married or 40 yet but I have a high income. I know a lot of people around me probably are wondering how I am able to afford some things. I did have help from my parents with undergrad and getting into my career I guess. But most of the people around my age that make a high income like me in their early 30s just have high earning potential. The ones that don't have a high income that I know are typically struggling. I know a few that received down payments but they have very average jobs. It was only enough to get them into a house. They aren't able to travel much, employ a nanny, or send their kids to private schools. If they went into a high paying career then it would be different. Most I know are in jobs under $90k.