Is this a common feeling in your early 40s? Feels like friends are getting rich and we're stagnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make [more] money and so your kids marry into money, you have to be in proximity to money. You don’t want to live next to renters and struggling middle class. You want carefree wealthy neighbors with vacation homes and country club memberships.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-02-10/millionaire-renters-are-on-the-rise-in-high-cost-us-cities

the people on this board are so behind socioeconomic trends. omg.

Not everyone lives in a major, high-cost city. Doing so is entirely a lifestyle choice.

Lol, only the uber privileged believe that relocating is a low-cost, totally doable choice.

If you have $1M in home equity there are places you could live like a king if you wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Maybe some of its inheritance. With the amount of money I stand to inherit, I could never work a day in my life & buy a 10 million dollar house tomorrow. And I’m only 26 (I’m single tho).

My dad is almost 90 years old and made his wealth abroad. I think he views me as a major disappointment tbh. I have a master’s degree, but I’ve never worked before lol. Since I’m a girl I had less pressure to succeed. My brother graduated from an Ivy League law school (and he’s miserable)

[Anonymous]

Our HHI has just been steadily rising. 300k to 500k to 800k to $1.2m to $2m to $2.5m.

The richest guy in our circle is a crypto millionaire. He didn’t even go to college. He bought bitcoin when no one knew what it was. He used to mine for coins when it first started.

My friend’s BIL also retired off crypto during Covid. He had a decent job but made like 50m off crypto, cashed out at the right time and lives at his vacation home that he bought during Covid.

We have friends who bought houses they could never afford also from crypto earnings.

We kind of feel like chumps earning all our money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To make [more] money and so your kids marry into money, you have to be in proximity to money. You don’t want to live next to renters and struggling middle class. You want carefree wealthy neighbors with vacation homes and country club memberships.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-02-10/millionaire-renters-are-on-the-rise-in-high-cost-us-cities

the people on this board are so behind socioeconomic trends. omg.

Not everyone lives in a major, high-cost city. Doing so is entirely a lifestyle choice.

Lol, only the uber privileged believe that relocating is a low-cost, totally doable choice.

If you have $1M in home equity there are places you could live like a king if you wanted to.

Big "if" there. Do you think the people who would be relocating because they can't afford to live here have $1M in home equity? (They don't, if you were wondering)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On DCUM, every time someone asks this question, multiple people say: "family money" because then they don't have to think about what they themselves could have done differently. I really don't think receiving large gifts or inheritances from family is as prevalent as you think. Minor downpayments are the most common form of help, but usually don't run into paying for the entire house.

Practically no one ever says: "stock market". Yet for us, that's been the sole driver of our wealth, and I suspect it contributes to the wealth of a lot of my neighbors in Bethesda, along with people who manage or sell successful businesses. We bought high tech stocks when they were cheap because we believed in the product and decades later can sell some stocks to meet our needs.

Huh? I said that. I have family money.

Self-made people are so weird because they are always trying to convince you that (1) they did it all not their own with no help and no luck, just hard work and smart, don't you dare discount any aspect of their success as timing or good fortune, but also (2) anyone could do what they did if they just tried a little.

And in reality, most wealth is generational and even many "self-made" people had head starts like private school, college paid for without loans, a chunk of change for a house downpayment or seed money for a business, lived with parents for some length of time when getting their start, etc.

Just weird resistance to the idea that somewhere between 70-90% of financial success is inherited.

And 70-90% of statistics are made up.

There are also a lot of people who don’t want to admit that it can be done without any of those things. Neither I, nor my DH, had any of the “head starts” you mention and became quite successful. I also know people who had every one of the “head starts” you mention, and have not been successful at all. “Head starts” are just that — a start. But, in the end, the person matters more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On DCUM, every time someone asks this question, multiple people say: "family money" because then they don't have to think about what they themselves could have done differently. I really don't think receiving large gifts or inheritances from family is as prevalent as you think. Minor downpayments are the most common form of help, but usually don't run into paying for the entire house.

Practically no one ever says: "stock market". Yet for us, that's been the sole driver of our wealth, and I suspect it contributes to the wealth of a lot of my neighbors in Bethesda, along with people who manage or sell successful businesses. We bought high tech stocks when they were cheap because we believed in the product and decades later can sell some stocks to meet our needs.

Huh? I said that. I have family money.

Self-made people are so weird because they are always trying to convince you that (1) they did it all not their own with no help and no luck, just hard work and smart, don't you dare discount any aspect of their success as timing or good fortune, but also (2) anyone could do what they did if they just tried a little.

And in reality, most wealth is generational and even many "self-made" people had head starts like private school, college paid for without loans, a chunk of change for a house downpayment or seed money for a business, lived with parents for some length of time when getting their start, etc.

Just weird resistance to the idea that somewhere between 70-90% of financial success is inherited.

And 70-90% of statistics are made up.

There are also a lot of people who don’t want to admit that it can be done without any of those things. Neither I, nor my DH, had any of the “head starts” you mention and became quite successful. I also know people who had every one of the “head starts” you mention, and have not been successful at all. “Head starts” are just that — a start. But, in the end, the person matters more.

People want different things. But I think what PP is arguing is that some kind of head start is a very important pre-condition to financial success, not that it's a sufficient one. But any of us who are investors know that advantages at the start compound positively and disadvantages at the start compound negatively. It's important to keep that in mind when crowing about your success.

[Anonymous]

I have Indian friends who get massive legups from their parents and they in turn work to give legups to their own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On DCUM, every time someone asks this question, multiple people say: "family money" because then they don't have to think about what they themselves could have done differently. I really don't think receiving large gifts or inheritances from family is as prevalent as you think. Minor downpayments are the most common form of help, but usually don't run into paying for the entire house.

Practically no one ever says: "stock market". Yet for us, that's been the sole driver of our wealth, and I suspect it contributes to the wealth of a lot of my neighbors in Bethesda, along with people who manage or sell successful businesses. We bought high tech stocks when they were cheap because we believed in the product and decades later can sell some stocks to meet our needs.

Lol. Baby boomer and silent gen parents and grandparents will leave their heirs $85 trillion (with a t) through to 2045. Inheritance lets the GS and consultant couple you went to college with live like multi-millionaire CEOs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe some of its inheritance. With the amount of money I stand to inherit, I could never work a day in my life & buy a 10 million dollar house tomorrow. And I’m only 26 (I’m single tho).

My dad is almost 90 years old and made his wealth abroad. I think he views me as a major disappointment tbh. I have a master’s degree, but I’ve never worked before lol. Since I’m a girl I had less pressure to succeed. My brother graduated from an Ivy League law school (and he’s miserable)

Yikes. If you are a major disappointment to your parent, don't count on an inheritance. (And I am not judging, I would hate those strings)

Time to go out and make some money

[Anonymous]

A combination of bonuses/stocks, potentially family money, or being really stupid with money and in a lot of debt.

The average car in the US is now like $50k, yet HHIs in the country barely break $70k. Credit card debt has hit $1T for the first time in history and people are ransacking their 401ks at an increasing rate.

Worry about yourself OP. Some friends may be doing better or just got lucky with something like stock options while other may be absolutely terrible with money. My friends can upgrade their homes and take on stupid mortgages all they want with 7% interest rates. Nope, I'm perfectly fine in our 1900 sqft home locked in with 2.82% interest even though our income has doubled since we bought.

[Anonymous]

My old boss was in the top earners. He made more than Oprah, Tom Brady, Brad Pitt and felt poor. He was comparing himself to people ahead of him. This was way back in 2006. But he did crack 55 million that year.

How does a man make making around one million a day feel poor? When he focuses on men and women making two million a day and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend just moved into a new build mansion and it forced me to confront the fact that actually, practically all of our friends have moved into homes at least two to maybe even ten times the value of our home. High status zip codes. Many of them have vacation homes. Outside of my husband's college friend selling his company for tens of millions, I really don't know where everyone's money is coming from. It is demoralizing. The real gut punch is one friend who lived near us. I thought they were making what we make, but then they moved into a $2.5 million dollar home, and held onto their old house, which is worth about what our house is worth, to rent it out. None of them are flashy or obnoxious, but it still feels like we're being left in the dust. I honestly think we've become the poor friends, so there's an embarrassment there as well. I can't stop thinking about where we went wrong and we're too old to pivot.

How many NYT stories and comments and posts across this site and every other corner of the internet have to be written about how most of the time people who "make what we make" who are making financial moves you can't are getting help from family? How could you have missed this over the thousands and thousands and thousands of times it has been said and written and complained about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family money" isn't buying those $3M houses for the most part. There are just not that many uber-wealthy people out there.

For most, "family money" means no college debt, wedding paid for, a $100K down payment provided, and maybe a $17K annual gift. That's nice but sure as hell isn't enough to land you in a $3M house unless you are also killing it professionally.

This level of family money that you describe can make a HUGE difference. $100k down payment + some extra annual help plus no student loan payment - that’s a really big help getting started on the property ladder early in life. Over the long term that could very well be the difference between a $1m house and a $3m one, all other things being equal. (Not that a $1m house is something to sneer at - or feel despondent about - in my opinion)

+1. Excellent schools age 3-18, no college debt, if not also no grad school is such a massive leg up and makes those milestones so much easier to hit. Not to mention parents covering rent and helping you become a homeowner in your 20s. Paying for the chic wedding, big down payment on the first big house as a couple. Huge.

No. I’m the PP who posted above (months ago - looks like this thread has been revived) that the UMC “family money” that many in this area receive – college and grad school paid for, $100K down payment, $17K annual gift, etc. – is not enough to get into the $3 million houses.

If you disagree, show me the GS-15s who received that level of help (not uber-wealthy trust funders) in $3 million houses. I thought so. As much as DCUM likes to go on about all the family money in the area, most people still are earning their way into $3 million homes.

Most probably have both-wealthy families and well paying jobs.