3 weeks postpartum and don't want to be touched...how to explain to husband?

[Anonymous]

I just had my third kid in early December. Things are generally going well and the older kids (4.5 and 2.5) are adjusting OK.

My husband and I have not been intimate in quite a while. I lose all interest in sex while pregnant and obviously haven't been cleared by my ob yet. The trouble is that, since the baby arrived, I don't even want to be touched by my husband. Kisses and playful pats make me recoil and I know it hurts his feelings. It's not a problem with him or even an indication of what life will be like long term. It feels more like I am overstimulated and touched all day by the nursing baby and older kids that more touching, especially touch that pleads for more intimacy and touching, feels like too much.

Do others of you feel this way? How did you explain it to your husband? Any help is appreciated.

And, before the thread goes there, we do not ordinaryly have a sexless marriage and I would never let that happen over the long-term.

[Anonymous]

Tell him exactly that!

[Anonymous]

Don't you have to wait till 6w pp to have sex? So, what is the big deal of not wanting to be touched after only 3w.

[Anonymous]

Tell him all of that and then make it a point to do emotionally intimate things so you can have that part of your relationship strong.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Funny misspelling. I meant ordinarily.

[Anonymous]

Taking care of a newborn is very physical - the constant holding, rocking, carrying, feeding/nursing, carrying the baby around. 24/7, all day, every day. When you finally get a break you simply do not want or appreciate, yet someone else, holding onto you wanting affection....totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you have to wait till 6w pp to have sex? So, what is the big deal of not wanting to be touched after only 3w.

Did you READ the OP? If the only kind of touch you know is connected to sex, then I understand why you got this wrong.

OP, tell him that. But also, parse out what you can give. A hug and kiss when sending him off to work and before you two go to bed? Talk about how there are different love languages. He's showing his love by kisses and pats. You are showing your love by birthing children right now.

[Anonymous]

Totally understand your perspective. This may sound weird, but what about a distant touching, like a foot rub? He's on the other end of the couch, not in your space, but still somewhat intimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had my third kid in early December. Things are generally going well and the older kids (4.5 and 2.5) are adjusting OK.

My husband and I have not been intimate in quite a while. I lose all interest in sex while pregnant and obviously haven't been cleared by my ob yet. The trouble is that, since the baby arrived, I don't even want to be touched by my husband. Kisses and playful pats make me recoil and I know it hurts his feelings. It's not a problem with him or even an indication of what life will be like long term. It feels more like I am overstimulated and touched all day by the nursing baby and older kids that more touching, especially touch that pleads for more intimacy and touching, feels like too much.

Do others of you feel this way? How did you explain it to your husband? Any help is appreciated.

And, before the thread goes there, we do not ordinaryly have a sexless marriage and I would never let that happen over the long-term.

OP I have had to say this to my DH about 1000 times, and not just when the babies were that small. They aren't experiencing the overwhelming contact that goes along with small kids. The nursing, the cuddling, the constant "I just want to snuggle with you, mom." It's lovely and warm but it becomes stifiling. After long days with the kids I sometimes still have to tell him that "tonight I just want to be alone with my book and my space on the bed."

Plus, you shouldn't have sex until 6 weeks PP, as I recall. You don't want to end up like Tori Spelling.

[Anonymous]

I am 7 weeks post partum and wow -- this post explained my feelings perfectly. My DH has been patient as I was not interested in sex for the greater part of my uncomfortable pregnancy and honestly, my son BF's do often and had reflux so can be very beefy esp at night. I just need my space when I'm not holding, rocking, nursing him. Just be honest - you explain it well. Give yourself some time to unwind when you can - you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't feel this way but I didn't have other children touching me all day. Personally I feel that show of affection (not talking sex here) is important in relationships, especially when you can't have sex. I'd pick a time when you're not feeling overwhelmed and give him a hug and a kiss. Your marriage is worth it.

[Anonymous]

I'm 12 weeks pp and still don't want to be touched!

[Anonymous]

This is very common, I think. Your body feels like it doesn't even belong to you because you are too touched out. Let him know you need your space right now.

[Anonymous]

I'm always shocked when I read that people DO want to be touched at even 6 weeks PP. I think in more "primitive" societies you'd be in a tent somewhere with just the baby and all the other women helping you out- no DH in sight.

[Anonymous]

I was counting down for the 6 weeks to be up because I hadn't had sex in so long. Guess I'm hornball who stands alone