3 weeks postpartum and don't want to be touched...how to explain to husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, the fact that she gave birth, let's say in the last 3 weeks, is an excuse for why she didn't WANT to TOUCH him for the previous 9 months of pregnancy? Sorry. SHE is the selfish, unreasonable one here, not DH.

Any woman who thinks 9-12 months or more of NOT TOUCHING HER HUSBAND AT ALL and "he should be understanding" is a selfish, piece of shit, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Horrible OP here. Thank you all for the range of comments from helpful to unkind. I appreciate the range of point of views and am glad to be married to my husband because of his capacity for empathy.

For the record, we did have sex throughout this and our other pregnancies. At the 8 month mark or so is when my size, fatigue, and lack of desire trumped my ability to take a roll in the hay.

My question was about communicating with my husband about how I feel during that window after a baby is born, is nursing every 2 hours, and needs to be held most of the time. born, is

[Anonymous]

Hit send by accident....

It isn't a long window and, all things considered, I don't think a little physical space in that time is too much to ask. The good news for me is my husband understands and knows his needs will be met soon enough.

[Anonymous]

so why are you on here then asking this question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hit send by accident....

It isn't a long window and, all things considered, I don't think a little physical space in that time is too much to ask. The good news for me is my husband understands and knows his needs will be met soon enough.

Well if you've been pregnant before and have other children, haven't you already been through this? I'm not quite sure why you're posting since it appears your husband is understanding and totally ok with it. Isn't it taken care of then? Or are you lying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so why are you on here then asking this question?

Likely the other PPs have made her realize she's probably acting like a bitch and now she's trying to deny it. Classic behavior on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

While some of the responses here have been harsh, OP, you did say:

I lose all interest in sex while pregnant wrote:I lose all interest in sex while pregnant and obviously haven't been cleared by my ob yet.

There's nothing there suggesting you have been having sex for up to 8 months of pregnancy. So, now your answer sounds a bit retconned.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. Read the original post. I wanted to know if others had felt the same and how they dealt with it. I didn't feel this way with the first two kids. Also, I'd say three months qualifies as the "quite a while" I described in my post. And, after the initial, helpful responses, I had a conversation with my husband, who was understanding.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to defend myself here. You're all entitled to read my posts as you see fit, but I do think some of you are off the mark as my particular situation is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While some of the responses here have been harsh, OP, you did say:

I lose all interest in sex while pregnant wrote:I lose all interest in sex while pregnant and obviously haven't been cleared by my ob yet.

There's nothing there suggesting you have been having sex for up to 8 months of pregnancy. So, now your answer sounds a bit retconned.

Loss of interest doesn't mean I didn't do it anyway because i love my husband and have no interest in a sexless marriage (as i said in the first post). Also, I didn't think frequency during pregnancy was relevant to the original question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my wife was committed to bjs/hjs during pregnancy. it sufficed and i appreciated the effort.

forgetting about your husbands needs altogether and acting like you have no responsibility to him reeks of problems and future problems!

No, it reeks of DH being selfish and having ZERO interest in her needs.

why does the wife's needs take primacy?

if she rejects intimacy and he has vowed to only receive intimacy from her - what is he to do then?

Because she just gave birth 21 days ago and she is physically a mess. Her body is recovering, and she is meeting all the physical demands of her children. Grown up Dad's desire for sex takes a back seat now, sorry.

You don't sound sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While some of the responses here have been harsh, OP, you did say:

I lose all interest in sex while pregnant wrote:I lose all interest in sex while pregnant and obviously haven't been cleared by my ob yet.

There's nothing there suggesting you have been having sex for up to 8 months of pregnancy. So, now your answer sounds a bit retconned.

Loss of interest doesn't mean I didn't do it anyway because i love my husband and have no interest in a sexless marriage (as i said in the first post). Also, I didn't think frequency during pregnancy was relevant to the original question.

It's relevant because, while a decent guy will accept a certain amount of sexlessness; there are limits. If you were having regular sex or at least (say) giving handjobs through 8 months, then the guy can be expected to be more patient post-pregnancy.

But there is really no guarantee you'll ever feel sexual with him. After 7 years, my wife never seemed to bounce back after #2. First I chalked it up to pregnancy, then post-partum issues, then taking care of infants, then taking care of toddlers. After the kids became school aged and our sex life hadn't returned to anything like it was up until pregnancy #2; it became apparent we have a big problem to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my wife was committed to bjs/hjs during pregnancy. it sufficed and i appreciated the effort.

forgetting about your husbands needs altogether and acting like you have no responsibility to him reeks of problems and future problems!

Are you the same poster as 9:33?

[Anonymous]

Honey, I do not want to be touched. Will you feel really bad if I touch you instead and blow you off or give you a hand job?

[Anonymous]

OP, don't feel bad for not wanting to be touched right now! You will feel better soon-once you guys all get adjusted and baby sleeps some. Dh just has to chill out. Sometimes you have to be real direct with men.

[Anonymous]

Wow there are some super bitter men on here. Its been three weeks people calm down. She isn't saying she will never have sex again she'sjust ooverwhelmed.

If you need some time to yourself then have DH carry the baby in the Moby for 20 minutes and play Mario Kart with the kids while you take a shower or get a pedicure. It will do wonders. Three kids is very stressful.