What's your parenting mindset/belief that goes against the grain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's one that REALLY goes against the grain: I believe it's super important to actually raise your own kids when they are infants and under about four years old. Not a nanny, babysitter, daycare or full-day pre-school. Mom or Dad at home taking care of and imparting values to their own kids. REALLY important.

Interesting, I feel the exact opposite which I think goes against the grain. I think middle and high schoolers need a present at home parent (from school dismissal time) much more than young kids/elementary school kids. That doesn’t mean they cannot have the increasing independence and responsibility that they need. It does mean no one is raiding your liquor cabinet or losing their virginity on your couch.

I can see this being a valid opinion.

I second this opinion.

~Mom to 21yo and 18yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

YES!! I totally agree with this. It's one thing to take pictures at home or during a special moment (Christmas, etc.), but I never take pictures of my DD when we're out and about. I see too many parents with their phones in front of their faces trying to get their kids to 'smile' and inappropriate times (busy airports, trampoline parks, the farmers market). It's really annoying and distracting. I'd much rather be in the moment enjoying myself with my kids than trying to 'capture' it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

YES!! I totally agree with this. It's one thing to take pictures at home or during a special moment (Christmas, etc.), but I never take pictures of my DD when we're out and about. I see too many parents with their phones in front of their faces trying to get their kids to 'smile' and inappropriate times (busy airports, trampoline parks, the farmers market). It's really annoying and distracting. I'd much rather be in the moment enjoying myself with my kids than trying to 'capture' it.

Can you guys call my mom? She is forever horrified that we had a birthday party or took a vacation without a bunch of pictures to show her. I just wanted to be on vacation or host my kids party! No one looks at these photos ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

Good God, it's not about you or shaming your boobs, its that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS, especially not your kids. Think about someone other than yourself. I know that feeding your baby is of top priority, but it can be easily done without showing your boobs to the world. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.

No, no one wants to see you, boob. -- NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's one that REALLY goes against the grain: I believe it's super important to actually raise your own kids when they are infants and under about four years old. Not a nanny, babysitter, daycare or full-day pre-school. Mom or Dad at home taking care of and imparting values to their own kids. REALLY important.

Interesting, I feel the exact opposite which I think goes against the grain. I think middle and high schoolers need a present at home parent (from school dismissal time) much more than young kids/elementary school kids. That doesn’t mean they cannot have the increasing independence and responsibility that they need. It does mean no one is raiding your liquor cabinet or losing their virginity on your couch.

I can see this being a valid opinion.

I second this opinion.

This is exactly why I didn't work when my kids were young, and when I did choose a job that allowed me to be done by the time they got out of school once they hit middle school. Guess what, kids need parents. from 0-college

~Mom to 21yo and 18yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

My SIL does this. In the mall and airport too. Both boobs fully completely out even though the baby can only use one at a time... To each their own, the rest of her family (parents and sibs) is mortified.

That is for attention. She WANTS for people to see her boob and, probably, even wants people to say how inappropriate it is. no one who breastfeeds needs an entire boob, or two, out and about to do so. That woman just needs the attention, which is sad and pathetic.

This is not a situation where you can say "to each their own." There are situations where actions just aren't okay. Public nudity is both against the law and gross.

Breastfeeding does not require nudity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like children wearing black.

This. Don’t care about other kids but definitely don’t like my kids wearing black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

My SIL does this. In the mall and airport too. Both boobs fully completely out even though the baby can only use one at a time... To each their own, the rest of her family (parents and sibs) is mortified.

That is for attention. She WANTS for people to see her boob and, probably, even wants people to say how inappropriate it is. no one who breastfeeds needs an entire boob, or two, out and about to do so. That woman just needs the attention, which is sad and pathetic.

This is not a situation where you can say "to each their own." There are situations where actions just aren't okay. Public nudity is both against the law and gross.

Breastfeeding does not require nudity.

+1 There are covers and all sorts of clothing that is discrete or wearing a shirt with tank tops. That woman probably wants someone to say something so she can complain about how breastfeeding is not normalized and how oppressed she is and then go stage a sit in or some crap like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to live my life through the lens of "what example are you setting for the kids?" I am my own person. Parenting does not impose on me an obligation for perfection. Parents are people and entitled to their own flaws.

Setting an example doesn't mean perfection. I try to model moderation for my children. You can be healthy and drink within reason, eat fast food every once in awhile, etc. It's not that difficult unless you're an addict of some kind.

That's easy but there are other, more serious things. Putting up with a flawed marriage. A flawed partner. A deadend job. That sort of thing. My path is my path. To listen to some DCUM posters, you practically owe it to your children to divorce upon a hint of flaw in your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

My SIL does this. In the mall and airport too. Both boobs fully completely out even though the baby can only use one at a time... To each their own, the rest of her family (parents and sibs) is mortified.

That is for attention. She WANTS for people to see her boob and, probably, even wants people to say how inappropriate it is. no one who breastfeeds needs an entire boob, or two, out and about to do so. That woman just needs the attention, which is sad and pathetic.

This is not a situation where you can say "to each their own." There are situations where actions just aren't okay. Public nudity is both against the law and gross.

Breastfeeding does not require nudity.

I am the PP. If public nudity is illegal then she’d be arrested or warned by now. For what it’s worth, this is in Europe, so it may be a bit more chill overall. I come from the school of thought that says live and let live. In a couple of years this will be a distant memory. Why antagonize an otherwise nice family member? In her mind she is doing what’s best for her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

YES!! I totally agree with this. It's one thing to take pictures at home or during a special moment (Christmas, etc.), but I never take pictures of my DD when we're out and about. I see too many parents with their phones in front of their faces trying to get their kids to 'smile' and inappropriate times (busy airports, trampoline parks, the farmers market). It's really annoying and distracting. I'd much rather be in the moment enjoying myself with my kids than trying to 'capture' it.

Omg, yes. On the Santa Train a family did pictures with the cell phone, a fancy DSL camera, and a polaroid in various groupings. They took up so much of the Claus's time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

YES!! I totally agree with this. It's one thing to take pictures at home or during a special moment (Christmas, etc.), but I never take pictures of my DD when we're out and about. I see too many parents with their phones in front of their faces trying to get their kids to 'smile' and inappropriate times (busy airports, trampoline parks, the farmers market). It's really annoying and distracting. I'd much rather be in the moment enjoying myself with my kids than trying to 'capture' it.

Omg, yes. On the Santa Train a family did pictures with the cell phone, a fancy DSL camera, and a polaroid in various groupings. They took up so much of the Claus's time too.

I think this is one of those weird things where people on the other side think the other side must be doing something WRONG instead of something different. I'm a picture taker and I am totally present with my kids all the time! They love pictures as much as I do and I love to print them and put them up and watch videos and photos with them together of when they were younger.

I don't have a very good memory and I am so happy for every video I have ever thought to take, its like a window back into their childhood. I think of them as probably my most valued physical possessions. I don't think there's anything wrong with not being into photos, but for me it isn't just not living in the moment. It is a creative hobby that I really love and one that I share with my kids. And what we all love to take are candids so I feel like I'm constantly in the moment because you have to be paying attention to know when to whip out the camera for the perfect quick shot. Although I do almost everything on my phone mostly for ease/quickness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Agreed. My friends who WOHM are much less strict than the SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Agreed. My friends who WOHM are much less strict than the SAHM.

Technically getting away with murder? What kind of kids are they? An overly strict parent either has a a kid expert in getting away with stuff or one a Stepford kid that can't think for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Agreed. My friends who WOHM are much less strict than the SAHM.

okay, so you have a few friends and so now ALL WOHMs are less strict than you. I see why you're not employed--your logic isn't particularly strong. Have fun raising those kids!