What's your parenting mindset/belief that goes against the grain?

[Anonymous]

I am grateful for having this child but seriously being a parent is over-rated.

Starting to believe wanting to be a parent borders on some narcissistic sadistic desire.

Persevering this journey till the child goes to college. Will always have the child's back but for anyone out there deciding whether or not to be a parent, DON'T DO IT.

It is a major sacrifice, and a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY to be put in in this crazy world we live in.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Ok, if that makes you feel better.

I e also noticed that WOHM potty train way latter because there’s less incentive to try since someone else is with their kid all day. It’s also harder to notice the signs that your kid is ready when you don’t spend much time with them. Flame away.

Again another SAHM who incorrectly assumes you can’t have a job AND spend time with your child. There are many of us with flexible jobs. You don’t have to quit your job just because you become a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am grateful for having this child but seriously being a parent is over-rated.

Starting to believe wanting to be a parent borders on some narcissistic sadistic desire.

Persevering this journey till the child goes to college. Will always have the child's back but for anyone out there deciding whether or not to be a parent, DON'T DO IT.

It is a major sacrifice, and a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY to be put in in this crazy world we live in.

+1!

[Anonymous]

I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Ok, if that makes you feel better.

I e also noticed that WOHM potty train way latter because there’s less incentive to try since someone else is with their kid all day. It’s also harder to notice the signs that your kid is ready when you don’t spend much time with them. Flame away.

WOHMS spend a lot of time with their kids if they have flexible jobs. And if your kid is actually ready, potty training doesn't take tons of time.

(Plus my kids' school charges less if your kid is properly potty trained, so that's a huge incentive.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times a SAHM is bad for a child. It makes them extremely clingy and they are used to 24-7 attention. The moms often let them get away with murder and don’t do things like sleep train because they don’t have to be at work in the morning. I don’t think 10 hours a day of daycare is good for a kid either, but not convinced that SAHMs are any better. I’d argue a mom working part time is best for a child.

I’d argue that SAHMs are less likely to let their children “get away with murder” because they actually have to be around them all day. Therefore, discipline is essential to make the job of being at home tolerable. All of the non-disciplining parents I know have their kids in full-day school (whether the parent works or not).

The SAHMs I know give in to their kids because they're tired and don't want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

And the WOHMs give in to their kids because they feel guilty and don’t want to hear them whine, so the kids are technically getting away with murder.

Ok, if that makes you feel better.

I e also noticed that WOHM potty train way latter because there’s less incentive to try since someone else is with their kid all day. It’s also harder to notice the signs that your kid is ready when you don’t spend much time with them. Flame away.

WOHMS spend a lot of time with their kids if they have flexible jobs. And if your kid is actually ready, potty training doesn't take tons of time.

(Plus my kids' school charges less if your kid is properly potty trained, so that's a huge incentive.)

"Ready" lol

[Anonymous]

I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

Good God, it's not about you or shaming your boobs, its that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS, especially not your kids. Think about someone other than yourself. I know that feeding your baby is of top priority, but it can be easily done without showing your boobs to the world. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

I get where you're coming from, but it's not always about "curating" a sense of happiness. My husband takes a million pictures and videos and he's not on any social media platforms. We look at the videos all the time and reminisce about the baby's efforts to crawl or eat peas for the first time--really small things that no one else really cares about. I'm happy we have them.

I do think it's rude when parents film other kids together at the park or library story times. I don't want my kid showing up their random social media accounts. I wish parents would be more mindful of that when they pull out their phones.

There's a lot that's fake on social media, and it's not just endless pictures of smiling children. My SIL's account looks like a Pinterest page, but I know that in reality she's screaming at her husband for not wiping up his coffee spill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

My SIL does this. In the mall and airport too. Both boobs fully completely out even though the baby can only use one at a time... To each their own, the rest of her family (parents and sibs) is mortified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pull my boobs out for nursing in front of my older kids and have zero discretion. Tired of boob shaming myself

My SIL does this. In the mall and airport too. Both boobs fully completely out even though the baby can only use one at a time... To each their own, the rest of her family (parents and sibs) is mortified.

Let me guess, the child is 3+?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if I’m going against the grain in general but definitely in DC.

I don’t ban TV. We don’t do it during the week unless one of us is sick because it’s a time suck and we stay busy. But I don’t really have a cap during weekends. Some days were all tired and we watch movies all day. We regularly have movie nights on Friday nights. I’ve yet to see my kids lose IQ points over it. We do tend to not do television programming because I have commercials. Mostly Netflix shows and DVDs.

Don’t care how my kids dress once they can dress themselves. Usually wear mismatched Target/Old Navy outfits.

I love staying at home and hated working. I enjoyed the day to day with the kids and although the lack of break was exhausting, I much prefer it to spending 40 hours a week with people I don’t like making barely enough money to cover childcare costs.

We coslept. Which is a DC no-no. Wouldn’t have done this if I had to be up early for work. It just worked out.

We never did a curriculum and my kids didn’t/don’t start school till age 5. Never did pre-k (out of budget on one income). Prefer for my kids to learn through play/outings versus a curriculum. Didn’t sweat memorizing colors, letters, shapes, alphabet, numbers and wouldn’t you know they picked it all up before Kindergarten on their own.

Basically just low key parenting. I don’t stress too much. In DC I’m a lazy mom. Oh well, irs the Midwest in me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to be one of those parents who is always taking pictures and videos of their kids. I'm so glad that Iphones barely existed when my kids were babies. Parents spend so much time trying to curate a "moment" it all ends up being fake. There is no way you can captures really meaningful moments unless you ALWAYS have your phone out and on the ready.

I know I'm the odd one out of this one. My SILs both seem to spend all their time taking and posting pictures of their kids. I guess a lot of people like that, I find it highly annoying and truly fake. They don't take pictures of their kid hitting other kids or crying or being assholes. IT's all just so fake.

I get where you're coming from, but it's not always about "curating" a sense of happiness. My husband takes a million pictures and videos and he's not on any social media platforms. We look at the videos all the time and reminisce about the baby's efforts to crawl or eat peas for the first time--really small things that no one else really cares about. I'm happy we have them.

I do think it's rude when parents film other kids together at the park or library story times. I don't want my kid showing up their random social media accounts. I wish parents would be more mindful of that when they pull out their phones.

There's a lot that's fake on social media, and it's not just endless pictures of smiling children. My SIL's account looks like a Pinterest page, but I know that in reality she's screaming at her husband for not wiping up his coffee spill.

Agreed. DH doesn't have a FB account, and I VERY rarely post to mine (maybe 3-4 times a year). We take tons of pictures and videos, though! It is fun to look through the pictures and reminisce, and DD loves the videos of herself as a baby. Also, neither of our families are local, so this helps us to share even everyday moments with grandparents (via email/text, not social media platforms).
DH's family was never into taking pictures, so there's not much of him from childhood, and I sometimes think he's making up for that now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's one that REALLY goes against the grain: I believe it's super important to actually raise your own kids when they are infants and under about four years old. Not a nanny, babysitter, daycare or full-day pre-school. Mom or Dad at home taking care of and imparting values to their own kids. REALLY important.

Interesting, I feel the exact opposite which I think goes against the grain. I think middle and high schoolers need a present at home parent (from school dismissal time) much more than young kids/elementary school kids. That doesn’t mean they cannot have the increasing independence and responsibility that they need. It does mean no one is raiding your liquor cabinet or losing their virginity on your couch.

I can see this being a valid opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I refuse to live my life through the lens of "what example are you setting for the kids?" I am my own person. Parenting does not impose on me an obligation for perfection. Parents are people and entitled to their own flaws.

Setting an example doesn't mean perfection. I try to model moderation for my children. You can be healthy and drink within reason, eat fast food every once in awhile, etc. It's not that difficult unless you're an addict of some kind.