Top regrets in life

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Abortion.

+1. I didn't really realize what I'd done until years later. I was pressured into it by a female mentor/boss I thought was my friend. Still makes me sick to my stomach that I confided in her instead of my own mother.

Unbelievably evil and wicked.

Or it may have saved her and a child from a lifetime of misery.

DP here. I think the evil and wicked part is the pressuring from the mentor/boss. I'm rabidly prochoice, but it has to be the woman's choice.

I strongly suspect there's some revisionist history going on there. The "pressuring" may have simply been explaining the consequences and potential impacts, which are obviously significant with children.

On what planet is it okay for a superior at work to encourage a junior staffer to abort a pregnancy? That is way, way out of bounds. Seek help if you think that's acceptable in any way. As a prior poster said, it's straight up evil.

My point was there are a lot of ways that could have gone down that weren't "encouraging" or "pressuring." Explaining the serious consequences of having a child is neither, although it might cause someone to decide they don't want to put themselves and a child through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abortion.

+1. I didn't really realize what I'd done until years later. I was pressured into it by a female mentor/boss I thought was my friend. Still makes me sick to my stomach that I confided in her instead of my own mother.

Unbelievably evil and wicked.

Or it may have saved her and a child from a lifetime of misery.

DP here. I think the evil and wicked part is the pressuring from the mentor/boss. I'm rabidly prochoice, but it has to be the woman's choice.

I strongly suspect there's some revisionist history going on there. The "pressuring" may have simply been explaining the consequences and potential impacts, which are obviously significant with children.

On what planet is it okay for a superior at work to encourage a junior staffer to abort a pregnancy? That is way, way out of bounds. Seek help if you think that's acceptable in any way. As a prior poster said, it's straight up evil.

It is coercion. And demonic at that.

Do you always jump to conclusions?

Time to go back to your red state with forced births.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I regret not making dumb life decisions. We celebrate people who turn their lives around, but no one congratulates you for not messing it up in the first place. We're just boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spending 6 months trying to breast feed with psychotic desperation, egged on by online forums. I had low supply and my kid had a poor latch. I bought grey market domperidone from overseas, set alarms to pump every few hours around the clock, and generally was miserable, depressed, and unavailable. I also spend thousands on equipment and snake oil.

6 months in I had a moment of clarity, switched to exclusive formula, and got on an antidepressant. It was like a light switch flipped. I finally could enjoy my baby. But I’ll never get those six months back.

Same here. Right down to the domperidone from overseas.

They really push the breastfeeding at all costs thing. Looking back, my baby was hungry and I feel so guilty. Second baby got lots of formula and everyone was happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not having a third child. My DH said he wasn't ready and wouldn't be ready and I was already 38, and we had a frozen embryo so we decided to dispose of it. Our marriage wasn't in a good place. Hardest decisions I have ever made and almost immediately regretted it.

He told me a few years ago he wishes I would have pushed back and that he now wishes we had tried for the third. I was so mad.

We have 3 boy embryos on ice. Two girls already from IVF but I'm early 40s. Husband wants to get rid of them but I want to wait until I'm 45 to get rid of them. It's $80/month. I'm glad I came across this. I'm going to push back and have him wait.

Similar. I’m 42, two wonderful daughters, one frozen embryo left that’s a boy. We don’t want more kids but I can’t say goodbye to the embryo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should have kept my maiden name.

Glad someone said this.
I hope a lot of women regret it.

I changed mine back to my maiden name after marriage! I don’t know what I was thinking taking his name - it’s so not me. We are still very much married and have kids now too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t regret having kids but could have waited longer to have them so I could travel more and enjoy the independence that comes without childcare.

I’m the opposite. We waited too long (33) and endured IVF for years before finally having a child who turned out to have special needs. I wonder if I’d tried at 30 if I’d have been able to have more than one and perhaps a typically developing child.

Agree unless someone is dead set on dink life they should have children young. The bio age for having kid is 18-24, all those overnight dorm parties energies were designed for infant care. Modern society is not great for that but there is a reason people are deemed high risk at 35 (both men and women).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many.

Going to the undergrad I did. An SLAC. I ended up with few marketable skills, some debt, and the alumni network of a tiny school with few sports and little to no school spirit is never going to compare to the totally free state school I could have attended.

Also, marrying my ex.

I went to a large state school and I used 0 of the alumni network. Does it really matter? I am also the highest earner among friends from college. There are plenty of ways to build network that’s relevant for your career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I should have gone into a high paying career instead of teaching. My peers who did so have a level of comfort and stability I can’t reach. I’m very hard working, dedicated, and creative. I should be making way more money and got caught up in doing a career that would “make a difference.”

You can do it. I retired 5 years after I had started investing. Had my work offered a retirement account like 401k or 403b, I'd still be working.
The upward spiral is real and unbelievably strong. When they say that it costs more to be poor, then in contrast everything is cheap or free for the well to do folks. For example my car loan is 0% which seems so hard for others right now.
My yearly income was over $40k only once in 27 years, so it's not the income as people would like to believe. Income helps, but not more important than experience, knowledge, and strong mental health.

Yes but I also have a special needs child and the cost of care and therapies for them is too high to save much.

[Anonymous]

People need to try to stop debating other PP’s regrets. That’s not the point. Try to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many.

Going to the undergrad I did. An SLAC. I ended up with few marketable skills, some debt, and the alumni network of a tiny school with few sports and little to no school spirit is never going to compare to the totally free state school I could have attended.

Also, marrying my ex.

I went to a large state school and I used 0 of the alumni network. Does it really matter? I am also the highest earner among friends from college. There are plenty of ways to build network that’s relevant for your career.

I don’t think we should be judging someone’s regrets. Good for you that you built your known network but that doesn’t mean the PP doesn’t feel how she does.

[Anonymous]

I was so fiscally responsible in my 20s. When I needed a new car for a long commute I bought an affordable Honda Accord. I wish I had bought something more fun and splurged a little. A fun car won’t bring me as much joy now in my 40s with kids as it would have back then.

[Anonymous]

I regret not being fast enough to get to the living room to do something for my husband when he had a heart attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was so fiscally responsible in my 20s. When I needed a new car for a long commute I bought an affordable Honda Accord. I wish I had bought something more fun and splurged a little. A fun car won’t bring me as much joy now in my 40s with kids as it would have back then.

You can still get a fun car in your 40s with kids. It'll be just for you until your teen wants to drive it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s a regret or not. My husband became abusive and his struggles with alcohol were so painful. However, if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have my two amazing daughters, who are the light of my life. They would be different kids if not for him, and they are just perfect. So I guess I wish I could have had my girls, but with a different husband.