Top regrets in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids

[phone]

Every day is a sacrifice. If I didn’t have kids I could travel freely, enjoy my hobbies, not have stretch marks on my stomach, be more successful professionally and have a lot more money.

I love my kids, but if I hadn’t had them I wouldn’t know this, and it’s simply a lower QOL to have kids

Wow, interesting. Always interesting to see different perspectives. I find travel and life in general to be so much more enjoyable with my kids. Increased QOL imo. But I appreciate your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not divorcing my husband. He was (is) an alcoholic and was abusing me for years. Also, his family dislikes me. For whatever reason I felt the need to stay together and make it work.

Same....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who regret marrying their husbands. Did you get a divorce? Are you happier now?

not yet but working up the courage to do it. it's hard and complicated but after years of emotional abuse, I'm done and just knowing that is making me happier. So I'm assuming I will be happier once the hard part of divorce is out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret not accepting the IB job on Wall Street out of college. Instead I chose a path as a drone in corporate America to stay closer to my dysfunctional and limiting family who never dare to dream. Wasted potential. Changed the trajectory of my entire life, and I regret that decision every day.

How do I get past this? Already done therapy for the family stuff.

How old are you? I stayed local for similar reasons until I was 41 and then did the move with DH and kids. It changed my trajectory on income and success. Now 52 and earning 6x what I was earning previously. I wish I’d moved earlier but it can be done later too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids

[phone]

Every day is a sacrifice. If I didn’t have kids I could travel freely, enjoy my hobbies, not have stretch marks on my stomach, be more successful professionally and have a lot more money.

I love my kids, but if I hadn’t had them I wouldn’t know this, and it’s simply a lower QOL to have kids

Wow, interesting. Always interesting to see different perspectives. I find travel and life in general to be so much more enjoyable with my kids. Increased QOL imo. But I appreciate your perspective.

That depends on the kids, too. It's a crapshoot, and sometimes you roll snakeeyes (e.g., twins with special needs).

[Anonymous]

Watching a kid sit alone at lunch everyday at middle school and not being brave enough to sit with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having kids

+1 Low Key

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids

[phone]

Every day is a sacrifice. If I didn’t have kids I could travel freely, enjoy my hobbies, not have stretch marks on my stomach, be more successful professionally and have a lot more money.

I love my kids, but if I hadn’t had them I wouldn’t know this, and it’s simply a lower QOL to have kids

Same. This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who regret marrying their husbands. Did you get a divorce? Are you happier now?

not yet but working up the courage to do it. it's hard and complicated but after years of emotional abuse, I'm done and just knowing that is making me happier. So I'm assuming I will be happier once the hard part of divorce is out of the way.

thanks for sharing, PP. I am in the same situation. I have moved out and kids have accepted that we are separating, but I couldn't gather enough courage to sign the MSA and finalize the divorce. He spent 3 weeks out of town and 2 weeks back, so kids stay with me when he is gone and move back to the house to stay with him when he is back. He wants me to move back because without me in the house, life is up side down. Said that he will not shout and yell and disrespectful, but that promise cannot even last one day. I am afraid if I move back, life will be back to before with the constant emotional abuse. But this is true even if I don't move back. Feel sorry for my kids. Feel sorry for me. And weirdly feel sorry for him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who regret marrying their husbands. Did you get a divorce? Are you happier now?

not yet but working up the courage to do it. it's hard and complicated but after years of emotional abuse, I'm done and just knowing that is making me happier. So I'm assuming I will be happier once the hard part of divorce is out of the way.

thanks for sharing, PP. I am in the same situation. I have moved out and kids have accepted that we are separating, but I couldn't gather enough courage to sign the MSA and finalize the divorce. He spent 3 weeks out of town and 2 weeks back, so kids stay with me when he is gone and move back to the house to stay with him when he is back. He wants me to move back because without me in the house, life is up side down. Said that he will not shout and yell and disrespectful, but that promise cannot even last one day. I am afraid if I move back, life will be back to before with the constant emotional abuse. But this is true even if I don't move back. Feel sorry for my kids. Feel sorry for me. And weirdly feel sorry for him too.

finalize it. You haven't given one good reason to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorcing my husband. He was (is) an alcoholic and was abusing me for years. Also, his family dislikes me. For whatever reason I felt the need to stay together and make it work.

Same....

I am on the fence on this too. I don't depend on him financially. He is a good father to my kids, at least in terms of providing and taking responsibility. But he is extremely verbally abusive with uncontrolling shouting and yelling, more to me, but also to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorcing my husband. He was (is) an alcoholic and was abusing me for years. Also, his family dislikes me. For whatever reason I felt the need to stay together and make it work.

Same....

I am on the fence on this too. I don't depend on him financially. He is a good father to my kids, at least in terms of providing and taking responsibility. But he is extremely verbally abusive with uncontrolling shouting and yelling, more to me, but also to the kids.

This is not a good father or husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having kids

[phone]

Every day is a sacrifice. If I didn’t have kids I could travel freely, enjoy my hobbies, not have stretch marks on my stomach, be more successful professionally and have a lot more money.

I love my kids, but if I hadn’t had them I wouldn’t know this, and it’s simply a lower QOL to have kids

I would have agreed when my kids were under 5, sweet though they were. Now they are late teens/early 20s I feel very differently, and love the time I spend with them. I think for some of us having young kids is much harder than we thought, and having teenagers is much better. As one PP said though, a lot depends on the kids. And while that is in large part a question of how you parent them, you can also just have bad luck sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorcing my husband. He was (is) an alcoholic and was abusing me for years. Also, his family dislikes me. For whatever reason I felt the need to stay together and make it work.

Same....

I am on the fence on this too. I don't depend on him financially. He is a good father to my kids, at least in terms of providing and taking responsibility. But he is extremely verbally abusive with uncontrolling shouting and yelling, more to me, but also to the kids.

This is not a good father or husband.

Thanks for reminding me that, PP. I think I have just having cold feet and trying to find excuse for me to not finalize the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Not regret, but not knowing how many people out there have mental problems or are SN, but still dating. I did not grow up around such people as they were hidden away. Not understanding a grown man throwing a tantrum, giving me silent treatment or hitting me, is a sign of some underlying problem most likely.
Glad I got out of those relationships, but what the heck!