I cannot multitask and get very overwhelmed and stressed easily--how to handle?

[Anonymous]

I have a really hard time multitasking. If I try to do more than one thing at once I get very overwhelmed and stressed. In general, if I have more than 2 big things going on, I have a really hard time not getting overwhelmed and stressed. I also have a hard time multitasking at work--if I have more than 1 or 2 big projects I feel like I can't really handle it and I get behind. I also tend to do things at a slower pace and lately my supervisor has told me I need to go faster on projects and assignments, but I feel like I can't go faster and still produce quality work. I am not sure how to address this, I have always had this problem. I remember back to high school when it would be final exam time--I would only be able to study for 2 or 3 classes and I would get A's, but the other classes I would get Bs or Cs because I had an inability to handle the studying for more than 2 or 3 classes at a time. I don't have ADHD, I have no problem concentrating, but I prefer a slower pace and to do things methodically and well and I am very Type B and laidback.

How can I address this issue? Lately I've been thinking about it more because I am pregnant and also working full-time and I find that I cannot handle two big things at once without getting really stressed and overwhelmed. I feel like I cannot focus on both pregnancy and work well and am considering going part-time at my job.

[Anonymous]

Maybe part time is what you need

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well, part-time is something I'm considering but this issue is larger than just work. It also encompasses things in every day household management. For instance, if I have 3 big things to do in a day I get very stressed and overwhelmed. Pregnancy is overwhelming me now that I'm in the third trimester and have the frequent appointments. It's hard for me not to get really stressed about them.

Do I have poor time management skills in general? Or could it be something else? I feel like I'm not able to be as successful at things (work, household management) as others because of this issue that I have been dealing with for years.

[Anonymous]

first, it partly might be hormones if you're in your third trimester.

second, focus on one task for 15 minutes. set an alarm on your phone. you'll probably get into the swing of things that you'll keep going after the first 15. if not, re-set for another 15 minutes. after an hour and a half give yourself a brief stretch break.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are not good at executive functioning.

Btw, if you get stressed and overwhelmed frequently, you are not type b. do you mean to say you are disorganized?

[Anonymous]

What to do about poor executive functioning?

[Anonymous]

You need to think about it as doing one thing at a time. So if you have to:

1. Do a load of laundry
2. Empty the dishwasher and then put any dishes in the sink in the dishwasher
3. Take a shower and get dressed
4. Call to make an appointment

You COULD say "AHHHHH! Too many things! I'll just hide in bed all day and hope nothing falls on my head." But! Here's the other option:

You look at each item, put them in the order you'll do them, and then start doing one after another.So if it were me and it were 8:30 a.m., I would:

1. Start the laundry
2. Take a shower and get dressed
3. Move laundry to the dryer
4. If after 9am make call for appt
5. Then do dish project

Technically since you've got laundry going while your showering that is multi-tasking. But to me, it's doing one thing at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to think about it as doing one thing at a time. So if you have to:

1. Do a load of laundry
2. Empty the dishwasher and then put any dishes in the sink in the dishwasher
3. Take a shower and get dressed
4. Call to make an appointment

You COULD say "AHHHHH! Too many things! I'll just hide in bed all day and hope nothing falls on my head." But! Here's the other option:

You look at each item, put them in the order you'll do them, and then start doing one after another.So if it were me and it were 8:30 a.m., I would:

1. Start the laundry
2. Take a shower and get dressed
3. Move laundry to the dryer
4. If after 9am make call for appt
5. Then do dish project

Technically since you've got laundry going while your showering that is multi-tasking. But to me, it's doing one thing at a time.

True multi taskking would be making the phone call while unloading the dishwasher at the same time. You could also shower after the clothes are in the dryer and grab what you need from the dryer so you aren't folding/putting away quite so many clothes.
What you listed was just a priority list, which is fine, but not multi tasking.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you make lists? How detailed are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to think about it as doing one thing at a time. So if you have to:

1. Do a load of laundry
2. Empty the dishwasher and then put any dishes in the sink in the dishwasher
3. Take a shower and get dressed
4. Call to make an appointment

You COULD say "AHHHHH! Too many things! I'll just hide in bed all day and hope nothing falls on my head." But! Here's the other option:

You look at each item, put them in the order you'll do them, and then start doing one after another.So if it were me and it were 8:30 a.m., I would:

1. Start the laundry
2. Take a shower and get dressed
3. Move laundry to the dryer
4. If after 9am make call for appt
5. Then do dish project

Technically since you've got laundry going while your showering that is multi-tasking. But to me, it's doing one thing at a time.

This is good advice. It's not necessarily that you need to multitask by doing multiple things at once; rather, it sounds like you have trouble prioritizing and then getting things done in the right order -- you get so overwhelmed you just quit. I am very organized and my default response to everything is to make a list, in priority order. Then I follow it, and it all gets done. I also have the advantage of working very fast and having a good sense of how long things will take. You seem to say you don't have this, but maybe you can develop it or at least develop coping strategies.

At the beginning of each week, make a list of the tasks you have to accomplish (with sub-parts as necessary), both for work and home. Then arrange them in priority order. Then consider how long each might realistically -- realistically! - take, and when you will have time during the week to do them. Then put them in that order, or even make a calendar or schedule if necessary. Seriously, schedule the grocery shopping, laundry, time to read pregnancy books, etc if you need to. At the beginning and end of each day, review your list to see what you have accomplished and what remains, and how the situation might have changed. Maybe you got another project that bumps something further down the list. Maybe you worked faster on project 1 than you anticipated and you can either move project 2 up, or accomplish something else that is short during the time frame left for project 1. Do this twice a day and every week, and you will essentially frame your time for you to get done what needs to be done. It will take you some extra time at first but you should get faster as you go. I keep my list on the computer or on Outlook so it's easy to modify, but my DH does his on paper and just rewrites it every day. He says he remembers better that way. Whatever works for you.

If, after doing this for a month, you still feel like you can't get stuff done -- then maybe you really can't, and you need to cut back. You have to make the call whether you'd rather work part-time and do a great job and be happy, or full time and do a mediocre job and be stressed. Everyone's calculus is different. You have to do what works in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Do you tend to write long email that no one reads? My coworker is like that and that wastes so much time.

[Anonymous]

I'm like this, OP and I believe I do have inattentive ADHD tendencies. My son was diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive, not hyperactive, at 5, and guess what? It's largely hereditary!
That's when my husband and I looked at ourselves and how we function (executive functioning) and realized both of us have a hard time prioritizing and organizing; DH is laid-back, cannot keep track of time and is always late; I become very stressed when multitasking because I obsessively check to see if I'm late; we both procrastinate and do things at the last minute.
All I can do, since I don't want to medicate myself, is to make very precise lists with priorities clearly marked. I encourage DH to do this too, but it's an uphill battle.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html

[Anonymous]

OP, my mother complains to me that my father can only do one thing at a time. So if he has a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, he doesn't want to leave the house in the morning or make any morning plans, because he's focused on the afternoon appointment.

I am the same way, I focus on one thing and if I have several things it's overwhelming. I have found that I can focus on the one big thing and get other things done by making the other things habitual/routine. For example, in the morning I'll make lunch for DH and DS and unload the dishwasher. Those aren't "tasks" but just what happens in the morning, similar to getting dressed and brushing teeth, etc. Over time, I can add more routines to take care of small things, without turning them into big "tasks" in my mind and getting overwhelmed.

Also, I break up the day, so that I will one thing planned for the morning, one thing planned for after lunch, one thing planned for 3pm, one thing in the evening, etc.

[Anonymous]

I wish you luck, op.

I work for the federal gov't and see a lot of people (like you describe yourself) let go because they don't accomplish their workload, productivity is low, and they are so frustrating for their coworkers to deal with on a daily basis. It never ends.

I'd advise you to get help/ build these skills before you are in trouble at work. I'd go part time, especially during pregnancy when work is never going to be your priority (it isn't for me when I'm pregnant). It is executive functioning and you can gain skills with cognitive therapy to be more aware of your thought patterns and work habits as you are completing them.

I agree with PP that you do not sound type B if you are getting overwhelmed and stressed. You also say you accomplish tasks " but I prefer a slower pace and to do things methodically " but my best feedback for people like this is always "apparently your job doesn't call for this".

If you have coworkers able to accomplish the same things in s smaller timeline with less attention to detail but being told they are doing a good job, then that is what you need to do. No one is noticing the minutiae. You won't win any awards for taking too long to do something 'too well' that no one is going to notice.

I'm not trying to beat you up- definitely make the pregnancy your priority (don't know if you get pregnancy brain like I do where you just blank out on important details) and don't beat yourself up too much at this time.

[Anonymous]

We are not all cut out to be fast-paced multi-taskers. There's nothing wrong with you. You're methodical. You just need a slower pace, like a lot of people. In America, it's so weird, like you're "abnormal" if you're not the fast-paced type. Just try your best to cut back so you're doing what feels manageable. There's no virtue in doing too much and stressing yourself, contrary to the general attitude in this country.