I cannot multitask and get very overwhelmed and stressed easily--how to handle?

[Anonymous]

The world needs plow horses and race horses. You're a plow house. Find your niche, whatever it is, and you'll do well. I too was going to suggest list making. That may help you to manage your time and get things done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am exactly like you, exactly. Once I had kids I really did not feel that I had enough bandwidth to be a good parent and a good employee, so I gradually backed out of the workforce and am now a SAHM. When I was working, I didn't realize how low my productivity was, but now I look back and totally see how much of a mismatch my working style was with the profession I was in. I was an attorney, and when I had to draft a memo or a brief, I had to do *exhaustive* research that took many hours so I would be absolutely certain I wasn't missing anything important. I revised and revised and revised. I had a hard time letting good enough be good enough and letting things go and turning in a final product. I'm really convinced that this is just a personality trait that can be handled with practice but not changed. I got into photography as a hobby earlier this year and took newborn photos for a couple of friends (for free) and noticed the exact same tendencies -- spent hours and hours editing and trying to make everything perfect, obsessing over what I could have done differently during the shoots, procrastinating turning over the photos because I was afraid they weren't perfect. I am a huge procrastinator by nature and I constantly underestimate how much time things are going to take. I don't have any advice for you since I don't think I've necessarily learned to cope with these issues in my own life (really I have only realized that I had them in the past couple of years), but you are definitely not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am exactly like you, exactly. Once I had kids I really did not feel that I had enough bandwidth to be a good parent and a good employee, so I gradually backed out of the workforce and am now a SAHM. When I was working, I didn't realize how low my productivity was, but now I look back and totally see how much of a mismatch my working style was with the profession I was in. I was an attorney, and when I had to draft a memo or a brief, I had to do *exhaustive* research that took many hours so I would be absolutely certain I wasn't missing anything important. I revised and revised and revised. I had a hard time letting good enough be good enough and letting things go and turning in a final product. I'm really convinced that this is just a personality trait that can be handled with practice but not changed. I got into photography as a hobby earlier this year and took newborn photos for a couple of friends (for free) and noticed the exact same tendencies -- spent hours and hours editing and trying to make everything perfect, obsessing over what I could have done differently during the shoots, procrastinating turning over the photos because I was afraid they weren't perfect. I am a huge procrastinator by nature and I constantly underestimate how much time things are going to take. I don't have any advice for you since I don't think I've necessarily learned to cope with these issues in my own life (really I have only realized that I had them in the past couple of years), but you are definitely not alone.

PP, there is being slow and methodical and then there is being a perfectionist, and then there is being such a perfectionist that it disables you. You sound like your perfectionism disables you. It's not normal, it's not natural, and it's not acceptable. I note this because I also have perfectionist tendencies. Being a perfectionist can be a toxic, toxic thing. It causes procrastination, for one thing, because every minor job becomes daunting because it takes so much effort. And then you find everyone around you accomplishing more because they can handle imperfection. And yes, you can change this behavior. It's based on purely artificial standards- there is no such thing as "perfect," not in a legal brief, and not in anything else. I like to turn in high quality work, but I set limits for myself so that I do not become obsessive. You need to stop making excuses and fix this so that if you want to re-enter the workforce some day, you'll be able to. I say that with complete sympathy because I have the same problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am exactly like you, exactly. Once I had kids I really did not feel that I had enough bandwidth to be a good parent and a good employee, so I gradually backed out of the workforce and am now a SAHM. When I was working, I didn't realize how low my productivity was, but now I look back and totally see how much of a mismatch my working style was with the profession I was in. I was an attorney, and when I had to draft a memo or a brief, I had to do *exhaustive* research that took many hours so I would be absolutely certain I wasn't missing anything important. I revised and revised and revised. I had a hard time letting good enough be good enough and letting things go and turning in a final product. I'm really convinced that this is just a personality trait that can be handled with practice but not changed. I got into photography as a hobby earlier this year and took newborn photos for a couple of friends (for free) and noticed the exact same tendencies -- spent hours and hours editing and trying to make everything perfect, obsessing over what I could have done differently during the shoots, procrastinating turning over the photos because I was afraid they weren't perfect. I am a huge procrastinator by nature and I constantly underestimate how much time things are going to take. I don't have any advice for you since I don't think I've necessarily learned to cope with these issues in my own life (really I have only realized that I had them in the past couple of years), but you are definitely not alone.

PP, there is being slow and methodical and then there is being a perfectionist, and then there is being such a perfectionist that it disables you. You sound like your perfectionism disables you. It's not normal, it's not natural, and it's not acceptable. I note this because I also have perfectionist tendencies. Being a perfectionist can be a toxic, toxic thing. It causes procrastination, for one thing, because every minor job becomes daunting because it takes so much effort. And then you find everyone around you accomplishing more because they can handle imperfection. And yes, you can change this behavior. It's based on purely artificial standards- there is no such thing as "perfect," not in a legal brief, and not in anything else. I like to turn in high quality work, but I set limits for myself so that I do not become obsessive. You need to stop making excuses and fix this so that if you want to re-enter the workforce some day, you'll be able to. I say that with complete sympathy because I have the same problem.

PP directly above is a little harsh, but it does ring true. Are you a perfectionist, OP? I'm a frustrated perfectionist, and become overwhelmed with multiple tasks to the point I give up on all of them if they can't be done perfectly. I'm a procrastinator for this same reason. I will say: having a child put things in perspective and - after some adjustment - allowed me to focus on the truly important things and let some other things go. Sometimes when you simply don't have time or resources to do things perfectly you can accept just getting them done instead. For me, I realized that half-assing it on time pleased people more than delaying the submission of a perfect deliverable (but this kind of depends on your line of work). Don't give up OP, sometimes a major life shift like having a baby can give you a fresh start and force you into doing things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to think about it as doing one thing at a time. So if you have to:

1. Do a load of laundry
2. Empty the dishwasher and then put any dishes in the sink in the dishwasher
3. Take a shower and get dressed
4. Call to make an appointment

You COULD say "AHHHHH! Too many things! I'll just hide in bed all day and hope nothing falls on my head." But! Here's the other option:

You look at each item, put them in the order you'll do them, and then start doing one after another.So if it were me and it were 8:30 a.m., I would:

1. Start the laundry
2. Take a shower and get dressed
3. Move laundry to the dryer
4. If after 9am make call for appt
5. Then do dish project

Technically since you've got laundry going while your showering that is multi-tasking. But to me, it's doing one thing at a time.

True multi taskking would be making the phone call while unloading the dishwasher at the same time. You could also shower after the clothes are in the dryer and grab what you need from the dryer so you aren't folding/putting away quite so many clothes.
What you listed was just a priority list, which is fine, but not multi tasking.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am exactly like you, exactly. Once I had kids I really did not feel that I had enough bandwidth to be a good parent and a good employee, so I gradually backed out of the workforce and am now a SAHM. When I was working, I didn't realize how low my productivity was, but now I look back and totally see how much of a mismatch my working style was with the profession I was in. I was an attorney, and when I had to draft a memo or a brief, I had to do *exhaustive* research that took many hours so I would be absolutely certain I wasn't missing anything important. I revised and revised and revised. I had a hard time letting good enough be good enough and letting things go and turning in a final product. I'm really convinced that this is just a personality trait that can be handled with practice but not changed. I got into photography as a hobby earlier this year and took newborn photos for a couple of friends (for free) and noticed the exact same tendencies -- spent hours and hours editing and trying to make everything perfect, obsessing over what I could have done differently during the shoots, procrastinating turning over the photos because I was afraid they weren't perfect. I am a huge procrastinator by nature and I constantly underestimate how much time things are going to take. I don't have any advice for you since I don't think I've necessarily learned to cope with these issues in my own life (really I have only realized that I had them in the past couple of years), but you are definitely not alone.

PP, there is being slow and methodical and then there is being a perfectionist, and then there is being such a perfectionist that it disables you. You sound like your perfectionism disables you. It's not normal, it's not natural, and it's not acceptable. I note this because I also have perfectionist tendencies. Being a perfectionist can be a toxic, toxic thing. It causes procrastination, for one thing, because every minor job becomes daunting because it takes so much effort. And then you find everyone around you accomplishing more because they can handle imperfection. And yes, you can change this behavior. It's based on purely artificial standards- there is no such thing as "perfect," not in a legal brief, and not in anything else. I like to turn in high quality work, but I set limits for myself so that I do not become obsessive. You need to stop making excuses and fix this so that if you want to re-enter the workforce some day, you'll be able to. I say that with complete sympathy because I have the same problem.

NP here. yes. this is spot on, and similar to me. i am for the most part very good at multitasking... so it seems from the outside. and i can make deadlines. but i push them, and i have a hard time buckling down and churning out a "good enough" product. when it's so late that it's a time crunch, i am forced to not be so particular and that's the only way to push it out of myself, but it's not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am exactly like you, exactly. Once I had kids I really did not feel that I had enough bandwidth to be a good parent and a good employee, so I gradually backed out of the workforce and am now a SAHM. When I was working, I didn't realize how low my productivity was, but now I look back and totally see how much of a mismatch my working style was with the profession I was in. I was an attorney, and when I had to draft a memo or a brief, I had to do *exhaustive* research that took many hours so I would be absolutely certain I wasn't missing anything important. I revised and revised and revised. I had a hard time letting good enough be good enough and letting things go and turning in a final product. I'm really convinced that this is just a personality trait that can be handled with practice but not changed. I got into photography as a hobby earlier this year and took newborn photos for a couple of friends (for free) and noticed the exact same tendencies -- spent hours and hours editing and trying to make everything perfect, obsessing over what I could have done differently during the shoots, procrastinating turning over the photos because I was afraid they weren't perfect. I am a huge procrastinator by nature and I constantly underestimate how much time things are going to take. I don't have any advice for you since I don't think I've necessarily learned to cope with these issues in my own life (really I have only realized that I had them in the past couple of years), but you are definitely not alone.

PP, there is being slow and methodical and then there is being a perfectionist, and then there is being such a perfectionist that it disables you. You sound like your perfectionism disables you. It's not normal, it's not natural, and it's not acceptable. I note this because I also have perfectionist tendencies. Being a perfectionist can be a toxic, toxic thing. It causes procrastination, for one thing, because every minor job becomes daunting because it takes so much effort. And then you find everyone around you accomplishing more because they can handle imperfection. And yes, you can change this behavior. It's based on purely artificial standards- there is no such thing as "perfect," not in a legal brief, and not in anything else. I like to turn in high quality work, but I set limits for myself so that I do not become obsessive. You need to stop making excuses and fix this so that if you want to re-enter the workforce some day, you'll be able to. I say that with complete sympathy because I have the same problem.

Can you give me some practical tips/advice on how to fix this? How do you manage it? I'm not the pp you responded to, but I am an attorney and it's a daily struggle. Unlike pp, sometimes I procrastinate on things just because it's unpleasant to do even though I logically know it's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

It could also be anxiety. You can mange the anxiety when there is low stress but as soon as the stress increases, the anxiety kicks up?

Are you a worrier in general?