My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how this works:

You got married. You owe every duty and loyalty to your wife. Right or wrong you’re obliged to protect and defend her. If your brother can’t get along with her, he needs to live his own life without you in the picture. That’s it. No other option if you want the marriage to work.

Lol. Yeah. It's 2023.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like the step-daughters are vying to spend time with the OP's daughter or brother in general...but they want in on a trip?

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how this works:

You got married. You owe every duty and loyalty to your wife. Right or wrong you’re obliged to protect and defend her. If your brother can’t get along with her, he needs to live his own life without you in the picture. That’s it. No other option if you want the marriage to work.

No other option? Really? Wife can't admit she was a jerk and apologize for overstepping? I guess if she's that small of a person and immature it's probably for the best if the marriage ends and then she can move on to sucker #3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how this works:

You got married. You owe every duty and loyalty to your wife. Right or wrong you’re obliged to protect and defend her. If your brother can’t get along with her, he needs to live his own life without you in the picture. That’s it. No other option if you want the marriage to work.

Only if she is loyal to OP which she is not. She went behind his back against his express wishes to start trouble with the brother. Perhaps it would be easier to protect and defend her if she was properly restrained in her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you kind of not like her? Just being real here. Sounds like she's a nightmare and well you are on here asking... It's okay to think she acted like a jerk.

If that's the case that would be on him for being a dumbass and marrying her if he doesn't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you kind of not like her? Just being real here. Sounds like she's a nightmare and well you are on here asking... It's okay to think she acted like a jerk.

If that's the case that would be on him for being a dumbass and marrying her if he doesn't like her.

Maybe Op is just waiting for the step daughters to turn 18. The whole setup is so weird. I mean the wife sounds so terrible, the type to be an fwb or f buddy, but marrying her doesnt make sense unless you are a Woody Allen type step daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

She asked him to take them but did not offer to pay for it. Put 2+2 together.

OP didn’t say that she didn’t offer to pay for it. Why wouldn’t she? She pays for everything else for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

Interesting that you read it that way. In context, since uncle is paying for daughter, and nothing was said of wife offering to pay for stepdaughters, where do you see that she did offer to pay?

But have it your way. Why should brother and his wife agree to chaperone three additional people that he does not like? Did the mom offer to compensate them for agreeing to take that on?

If their mom can pay for it she can go with her own daughters, can't she?

Maybe she doesn’t have the time off. Maybe she thinks the girls should go together because she wants them to be a family. I don’t know.

I didn’t read that she thought that the BIL was obligated to take the girls, only that she thought it would be okay to ask, and she was upset that his response was to tell her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

She asked him to take them but did not offer to pay for it. Put 2+2 together.

OP didn’t say that she didn’t offer to pay for it. Why wouldn’t she? She pays for everything else for her kids.

Come off it. What kind of mother wants to pay to send her 3 teen girls away to Dubai with people they barely know? If she wanted so desperately for them to be a part of this she'd be offering to go along with all of them and make it a joint family trip. Since that wasn't on the table I find it hard to believe she was ponying up for this trip. She just wants to create a big enough stink so her stepdaughter can't go so that nothing she gets is better than her own daughters get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

She asked him to take them but did not offer to pay for it. Put 2+2 together.

OP didn’t say that she didn’t offer to pay for it. Why wouldn’t she? She pays for everything else for her kids.

Well then if she has the money she can send her three daughters on a trip to anywhere she wants. If they need a chaperone she can take Pto at her convenience and accompany them herself. Your interpretation makes no sense. She doesnt need OPs brother ir SIL at all to facilitate a trip for her kids if she can pay for it. WTF have your water checked for toxins, do you live in Flint or East Palestine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

Interesting that you read it that way. In context, since uncle is paying for daughter, and nothing was said of wife offering to pay for stepdaughters, where do you see that she did offer to pay?

But have it your way. Why should brother and his wife agree to chaperone three additional people that he does not like? Did the mom offer to compensate them for agreeing to take that on?

If their mom can pay for it she can go with her own daughters, can't she?

Maybe she doesn’t have the time off. Maybe she thinks the girls should go together because she wants them to be a family. I don’t know.

I didn’t read that she thought that the BIL was obligated to take the girls, only that she thought it would be okay to ask, and she was upset that his response was to tell her off.

SHE KNEW IT WAS NOT OK TO CALL THE UNCLE. OP TOLD HER NOT TO CALK HIM. Its in the first post.

You have to be OPs wife, no one else could be this stupid and dishonest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the disturbing pattern here is that you didn’t stand up for anyone except your daughter—including yourself.

Your wife is 100% wrong.

Your brother is 100% right BUT he did disrespect your wife and family in the way he expressed it bc he knew full well the problems that would create for you and how now you won’t be able to have him over at your house. He doesn’t like your wife, fine: he doesn’t get to say so. And he certainly doesn’t get to insult your step kids. He gets to say no. You chose this woman and these kids and made them your family and yes, your loyalty should be to them not your brother. That’s not to say She isn’t wrong. She is. But he can say no without degrading your family. OTOH you wife is absolutely trying to sabotage this relationship and your daughter’s relationship with her uncle, and you need to defend that to the teeth.

So:
1) you didn’t defend your wife against your brother
2) you didn’t defend your daughter against your wife
3) you didn’t defend yourself against your wife and have been sleeping on the sofa.

Your wife is the common denominator and source of these problems. However, she’s your wife now, and you need to defend your own family and yourself.

BIL did not insult the wife or stepchildren. He said he did not like them when she asked why he would not agree to pay for them.

She didn’t ask him to pay for them. Where are you getting that?

Interesting that you read it that way. In context, since uncle is paying for daughter, and nothing was said of wife offering to pay for stepdaughters, where do you see that she did offer to pay?

But have it your way. Why should brother and his wife agree to chaperone three additional people that he does not like? Did the mom offer to compensate them for agreeing to take that on?

If their mom can pay for it she can go with her own daughters, can't she?

Maybe she doesn’t have the time off. Maybe she thinks the girls should go together because she wants them to be a family. I don’t know.

I didn’t read that she thought that the BIL was obligated to take the girls, only that she thought it would be okay to ask, and she was upset that his response was to tell her off.

Yeah, sure. A likely story. Maybe if she wants the girls to be a family she can work on that in her own house by getting the girls to actually spend time together there which is far easier and cheaper than paying to send them to Dubai and have BIL play mediator. Someone who admitted doesn't even like kids other than his niece. You are either completely dense or trolling to keep this thread going.

[Anonymous]

Serious question? Why even get married with kids those ages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how this works:

You got married. You owe every duty and loyalty to your wife. Right or wrong you’re obliged to protect and defend her. If your brother can’t get along with her, he needs to live his own life without you in the picture. That’s it. No other option if you want the marriage to work.

If your wife is an obnoxious harpy who directly defies you, then you have no obligation to protect and defend her from the consequences of her actions. She’s so disrespectful of OP that the marriage is basically over anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question? Why even get married with kids those ages?

And to such a difficult woman.

It is fairly obvious that OP has his eye on one or more of his step daughters. Many step daddies marry into these situations to get access to vulnerable young women and then abuse them.

Mesnwhile their mom turns a blind eye to it because she used her daughters as bait because she only married the creep for access to his resources.

That is why OP's wife is so upset right now. He is not coming through with the financial resources.