Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

Sorry, but the problem is still rooted in your decisions. You made your bed so now lay in it or get up and make some changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:hello idiots, your salary and spouse together is more than enough to cover daycare all day or SACC, stfu and pay up. maybe cut down on the doordash you don't need that anymore because covid is over and can do your own pickups.

exactly this! These cry babies are having tantrums cuz they want to have their cake and eat it too. We see them in real life demanding stupid sh*t at work that are completely over the top while not stepping up to do the real work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my child’s private school, many families keep their nannies until middle school so that they can pick their children up from school at 3:00, drive them to sports/tutoring/ extracurricular activities and then bring them home and prep dinner by the time the parents get home from work. I don’t see what’s wrong with that.

It makes sense but these are very wealthy families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

Posts like this are so dense. Even pre-Covid and WFH, there was an increasing problem of relatively affordable homes that enabled commutes. And there was also a problem with available daycares...I had friends 13 years ago putting themselves on daycare lists the day the line turned pink and still struggling to get slots. As population was increasing and more women were working, it was getting increasingly impossible to manage.

Covid brought its own challenges, but it did provide a relief valve for this trend. So, no, young parents today are not facing the same challenges that parents like you and me did 10-12 years ago. There are fewer options now...and even fewer since COVID changed the labor market for childcare providers as well.

Also, WFH is better for the environment.

On top of that post Covid environment changed. Schools are struggling to find teachers and staff which means that the wait lists for extended day are much longer. Child care is harder to find. Son’s offices randomly moved to less convenient locations to save money. Mortgage rates are insanely high. Metro isn’t that safe. Someone just got shot in the metro station I get off at for work.

this is such B.S. there are child care options out there, but you need to align your expectations with reality. Mortgage rates have been significantly higher in the past and you know what? People dealt with it. Can you even breath when you have wrapped yourself in so many layers of bubble wrap???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ And I’m not saying only Feds do this. I know people in remote jobs in private industry too

The funny thing is that outside of the early stage of the pandemic, I only know one person IRL that kept a baby home while working (a contractor) and even she admitted it was only possible because her mom/MIL helped out for 2-3 days per week (and once they were 18mo the kid went to daycare). I definitely know quite a few parents who dropped or scaled back on before/aftercare, some of whom are scrambling becasue some days are full. But are there really that many parents still WFH and caring for babies/toddlers fulltime? How is that even functional....

+1
During the first five months of the pandemic, our daycare was closed because our local school system would not allow child care providers to operate in their facilities (the providers were begging to reopen). My DH and I split days taking care of our 1 year old and working, but by the fourth month we were going absolutely insane. It was horrible. We briefly put our kid in another daycare but finally the school system relented and allowed the daycares in their buildings to reopen. This was MCPS by the way.

I think anybody that does this long term is fooling themselves and cheating their coworkers and employer or is in a position that is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

This

Sorry, but the same people who are complaining are the same people who created their problem. If they were working at full capacity, whether from home or office, they should have had their kids and child care, so stop complaining because your got away from double dipping for all these years.

[Anonymous]

I understand the problems that people are facing with childcare and the stress of it. I understand this because I, along with many of us, have been there, done that. My kids are teens. When they were little and I was at a law firm and DH was (and still is for now) a fed, there were zero telework options. We were both in the office full time, all the time.

This situation now may seem unique and insurmountable. It is neither of those things. It is hard, though. And you’ll make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand the problems that people are facing with childcare and the stress of it. I understand this because I, along with many of us, have been there, done that. My kids are teens. When they were little and I was at a law firm and DH was (and still is for now) a fed, there were zero telework options. We were both in the office full time, all the time.

This situation now may seem unique and insurmountable. It is neither of those things. It is hard, though. And you’ll make it work.

DP. Agree. It is hard. 12 hour days in daycare. It is the reason we only had one child. But parents of young kids today never expected to go back in time like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the problems that people are facing with childcare and the stress of it. I understand this because I, along with many of us, have been there, done that. My kids are teens. When they were little and I was at a law firm and DH was (and still is for now) a fed, there were zero telework options. We were both in the office full time, all the time.

This situation now may seem unique and insurmountable. It is neither of those things. It is hard, though. And you’ll make it work.

DP. Agree. It is hard. 12 hour days in daycare. It is the reason we only had one child. But parents of young kids today never expected to go back in time like this.

It is also expensive. We’re still spending $40k per year on childcare and summer camps for our elementary aged kids. We also made sure to pick camps with extended day options knowing RTO was a possibility. Those of you that got away with WFH without paying for childcare post pandemic hopefully saved plenty of money that now will need to be spent on childcare. I still recall years ago a colleague who “couldn’t move her telework days” because of lack of childcare for her son. I was pissed that our managers didn’t push back. Join the rest of us. Sorry if you moved to an area or bought a house that made this challenging (like my colleagues that took the fork because they moved to a different state even though remote work had to be renewed annually) or you didn’t budget for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

Not all of us commuted to the office 5 days a week pre covid. Majority of federal government employees were on a hybrid schedule.

So you've been more fortunate than most for a longer time. Can you understand why the complaining isn't getting sympathy?

No actually. Part of the reason I chose to work in my agency and not in a law firm was because it allowed me to have a hybrid schedule. I wanted a job where I didn’t have to commute into DC five days a week. Same with my husband. We made our life decisions (such as the decision to have three kids) based on our work schedules. Get it?

Sorry, but the problem is still rooted in your decisions. You made your bed so now lay in it or get up and make some changes.

NP. No, hon. It's not their decision. It's the TRUMP admin decisions affect others. That is solely where responsibility rests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

This

Sorry, but the same people who are complaining are the same people who created their problem. If they were working at full capacity, whether from home or office, they should have had their kids and child care, so stop complaining because your got away from double dipping for all these years.

I'm not sure you know what double dipping means, a$$hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hello idiots, your salary and spouse together is more than enough to cover daycare all day or SACC, stfu and pay up. maybe cut down on the doordash you don't need that anymore because covid is over and can do your own pickups.

exactly this! These cry babies are having tantrums cuz they want to have their cake and eat it too. We see them in real life demanding stupid sh*t at work that are completely over the top while not stepping up to do the real work.

Stupid sh-- that worked and saved the government money. LOL. Ok, Elon.

[Anonymous]

So much drama about family values and this country provides zero supports to working parents, as a society we are cruel, individualistic and mean. No wonder we have mentally fu*ked up kids blowing up other kids in schools. This talk of the greatest, wealthiest nation is just bs, wealth and benefits only for the billionaire class, the rest can spend their lives in servitude to the rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much drama about family values and this country provides zero supports to working parents, as a society we are cruel, individualistic and mean. No wonder we have mentally fu*ked up kids blowing up other kids in schools. This talk of the greatest, wealthiest nation is just bs, wealth and benefits only for the billionaire class, the rest can spend their lives in servitude to the rich.

I don’t see where this is coming from. I grew up a “latch key” kid (remember when that was a thing) and my kids were in daycare while DH and I were in the office full time.

Is the implication that daycare is causing school shootings?

Maybe having parents around all the time is causing the anxiety and depression spikes in kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

I can speak to this as a daycare owner and I’m active in my daycare association. My association is made up of centers and in-home daycares.

The daycare shortage was caused by a variety of issues. Many closed and never reopened after Covid. At first the lockdowns forced temporary closures. Then they were open only to essential personnel. Some daycares could remain open because they found the clients that needed childcare while others could not. After the closures and when work from home became common, many parents stopped sending their children to daycare because they were working from home (saves money) which meant centers couldn’t afford to keep staff and so they had to reduce hours and staff. (It was at this point that I came on here to warn people not to do this because it would ultimately end up backfiring.)

Older and experienced in home daycare providers retired early and closed their doors for good because they didn’t want to get Covid.

Before and after school programs were decimated. These programs need to expand quickly and do everything they can to hire. I recommend petitioning your PTA, school admin, and owners of these programs to add staff and get back to pre-Covid operations.

IMO centers were the most impacted in terms of staffing and hours and have not recovered. Parents might need to look more at in-home daycares, there are many who have space and are actively looking to fill them.

Here’s a tip for me for school age families, look for an in-home daycare in your school district and see if they can do before and aftercare, including bus pick ups. Many of them offer this service.