Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

stop being so hyper sensitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

+1 - I think a lot of the issue here is that there is too much pressure around the entire process and kids are wrapping their self worth up into their college admits. While where you attend college can be very important, it does not set the course of your life in stone and it certainly should not affect anyone's - let alone a teenager's - self worth. There are countless examples of people who are considered the top of the heap who did not attend a "Top 20" or even a "Top 30, etc."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- people ask all sorts of nosy/inappropriate questions. Just teach your son to deflect back with a question such as " oh where did you and your DH go?" Or, just give a generic answer that he applied to a whole range of places or that he doesn't want to jinx anything.

You are another example of someone missing the point. OP never said the kids can't handle it. OP didn't say they don't have a good response to these nosy questions. It's a PSA to the parents who have no clue that this is no longer appropriate and does not qualify as polite conversation. It's understandable that someone who hasn't been through this lately might not know the stress and craziness that college admissions has become (even for sane, typically low key families).

Stop preaching. You misread my response. I am with OP. and think it is a teachable opportunity for her to have with her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.

Confused...why do your kids need Big3 based on your logic above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

You must have been raised in a barn. The question is intrusive and personal.

Ok, I think I understand why young people have so many mental health issues these days. If they can’t handle this basic question without getting upset, what the — can they handle?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.

Confused...why do your kids need Big3 based on your logic above?

There IS more to education than achieving a college! I send them to Big 3 for all those other reasons. Want to know them? There are about a million threads about this already, so I will respect OP’s post by not diverting attention here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.

Confused...why do your kids need Big3 based on your logic above?

There IS more to education than achieving a college! I send them to Big 3 for all those other reasons. Want to know them? There are about a million threads about this already, so I will respect OP’s post by not diverting attention here.

Actually, there are lots of threads about private vs. public, but the threads purporting superiority of the Big3 vs. other DMV privates ring quite hollow (and there really are not that many). If you cared so much about the prestige of a Big3, it seems very strange that you are now actively discouraging your DD from enjoying similar college prestige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:stop being so hyper sensitive

They aren't being hyper sensitive; they are offering advice so you don't make an ar$e out of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Is it rude and inconsiderate to others when your kid announces where they got into college and posts it on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude and inconsiderate to others when your kid announces where they got into college and posts it on social media?

How does that relate to this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude and inconsiderate to others when your kid announces where they got into college and posts it on social media?

How does that relate to this thread?

Kids don't want to be asked about the schools they are applying to, but they are happy to brag about where they got in. Maybe that hurts Larla's feelings if she didn't get in to the same school.

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP here.

Maybe this is a better comparison: If you don't want to be asked how much you hope to make in a new job, don't broadcast what your salary is once you land it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude and inconsiderate to others when your kid announces where they got into college and posts it on social media?

How does that relate to this thread?

Kids don't want to be asked about the schools they are applying to, but they are happy to brag about where they got in. Maybe that hurts Larla's feelings if she didn't get in to the same school.

No, it is perfectly fine to announce where you are matriculating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it rude and inconsiderate to others when your kid announces where they got into college and posts it on social media?

My kid didn't do this - so there's that....

[Anonymous]

This thread is ridiculous. The assumed parents who have name called and questioned the mental health of teens who might be feeling raw by the college application process is shameful. One can only hope others are more generous with your children.

Empathy is a pro-social skill. Those without it can run the gamut from being generic selfish, unkind people to sociopaths.