Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

This definitely varies by school. Kids/families I know in our local MoCo schools are similarly stressed and keep details to themselves. This is also true of friends we have at private schools in Baltimore and in public/private in Boston. I don't think you can say this is just a private school thing.

If it isn’t HYPSM, then MYOB.

[Anonymous]

This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

[Anonymous]

OP is ridiculous and so is anyone supporting her. How is making polite conversation now considered rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is ridiculous and so is anyone supporting her. How is making polite conversation now considered rude?

A number of people have said that it's an uncomfortable question. That by definition, Karen, means that it's not polite conversation.

[Anonymous]

This post makes me sad. Clearly the college admissions game today is insane is making kids stressed out beyond reason. This used to be an exciting time of life that you could share with family, friends, and even acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is ridiculous and so is anyone supporting her. How is making polite conversation now considered rude?

A number of people have said that it's an uncomfortable question. That by definition, Karen, means that it's not polite conversation.

+1. It’s inappropriate and obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is ridiculous and so is anyone supporting her. How is making polite conversation now considered rude?

It isn't polite conversation; that is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post makes me sad. Clearly the college admissions game today is insane is making kids stressed out beyond reason. This used to be an exciting time of life that you could share with family, friends, and even acquaintances.

They do. After they have made their final choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post makes me sad. Clearly the college admissions game today is insane is making kids stressed out beyond reason. This used to be an exciting time of life that you could share with family, friends, and even acquaintances.

They do. After they have made their final choice.

Still sad- too much pressure about it all. Stop the madness.

[Anonymous]

OP- people ask all sorts of nosy/inappropriate questions. Just teach your son to deflect back with a question such as " oh where did you and your DH go?" Or, just give a generic answer that he applied to a whole range of places or that he doesn't want to jinx anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

I think you're expecting a bit too much from a teen giving you a school tour to answer any and every question you have about the college process. First things first, you're visiting a high school your teen will attend for the next four years. Hire a college counselor to help with the rest.

+1 and most students would not be able to answer those questions anyway. They don't know where everyone else is applying or who chose to go test optional. Look, when a kid applies, they don't get to know who else applied to the same colleges unless friends share their lists, but that won't include everyone. Ask the College Counseling office - and even they will not tell you about the current class, as that is private information. They will give you historical aggregates and may discuss trends. You really don't understand the process, so you should just trust the parents who have been through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post makes me sad. Clearly the college admissions game today is insane is making kids stressed out beyond reason. This used to be an exciting time of life that you could share with family, friends, and even acquaintances.

They do. After they have made their final choice.

Still sad- too much pressure about it all. Stop the madness.

The only people with control over the madness are the colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post makes me sad. Clearly the college admissions game today is insane is making kids stressed out beyond reason. This used to be an exciting time of life that you could share with family, friends, and even acquaintances.

Agreed. People who are pointing back to 90's are comparing apples to oranges. I wish it weren't such an awful process now - or that kids didn't have to feel like they needed to spend HS creating a college resume. I do think its good that universities are trying to create more diverse student bodies (wish legacy and VIP nonsense would stop) though. I think the worst part now is that the landscape is changing year after year since 2020 - this makes it harder to predict and the reaction to that is more applications - and that feeds the spiral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- people ask all sorts of nosy/inappropriate questions. Just teach your son to deflect back with a question such as " oh where did you and your DH go?" Or, just give a generic answer that he applied to a whole range of places or that he doesn't want to jinx anything.

You are another example of someone missing the point. OP never said the kids can't handle it. OP didn't say they don't have a good response to these nosy questions. It's a PSA to the parents who have no clue that this is no longer appropriate and does not qualify as polite conversation. It's understandable that someone who hasn't been through this lately might not know the stress and craziness that college admissions has become (even for sane, typically low key families).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational difference, in the 90s my friends and I would have told anyone where we were applying and how it turned out. There didn’t seem to be a lot of shame involved. Now this is a state secret, my kids don’t want to tell their grandparents in case it leaks. I think we’ve all built up this process to an unhealthy degree and the seniors think their college admits = self worth. Think back though, wouldn’t you have told a nosy neighbor about where you applied back in the day?

Yep, with no shame! I was a national merit finalist and was published in the paper, so people asked me all the time. I happily told them I was only applying to our state flagship. I still have no shame about my choice - I earn top 1% income, have top 1% wealth. I didn't need HYP or whatever, neither do my kids. Oh, and they're at Big 3. My DD just scored very high on PSAT and is unlikely to even apply T20 - they need her more then she needs them.