Both my husband and I have no friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and we socialize a lot. Our immediate neighbors are all retired so we don't do much with them but they are often having people over or organizing events. We spend time with our friends in common areas and see people there quite a bit as well. Our neighborhood also hosts large gatherings on a regular basis. Kids are always out and about (more so during summer, during the school year it gets trickier with sports after school but still at least a few days a week they do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have been depressed in this country if I did not know so many people from my own culture, and if I was not friends with immigrants from other countries. The WASP culture is bad for one's mental health. IMHO.

I'm a WASP with tons of friends who socializes quite a bit. What exactly do you find so off-putting about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have been depressed in this country if I did not know so many people from my own culture, and if I was not friends with immigrants from other countries. The WASP culture is bad for one's mental health. IMHO.

I'm a WASP with tons of friends who socializes quite a bit. What exactly do you find so off-putting about that?

It, not that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

The people kiddy corner from me have kids the same age who play with mine in my yard and even in my house. They never said a word to me. I went over there intending to talk to the mom and she refused to make eye contact, hustled inside and sent her husband out! He was awkward but cordial.
How can i be good enough to host your kids but not good enough to talk to you? Obviously they don't think we're that bad or they wouldn't let their kids come here.
I don't understand how people with such poor social skills make decent money.

I experience stuff like this too and it’s pathetic. I truly don’t understand. Perhaps they are all medicated and suffering from a mental illness?

I live in NW in a wealthy neighborhood. I am selectively friends with many of my neighbors. My kids play with all of the kids. Some of the kids parents, I’m not friends with. Some, I am.

Who I choose has nothing to do with “good enough.” They’re all people I like. I don’t have a lot of free time. I don’t spend free time with people I don’t like or find draining. Some of draining people are good people, but spending time with them is not enjoyable.

Is friendship that difficult to grasp?

I do find it annoying when some neighbors think they have a right to be friends. If nothing else, it’s a bit selfish to demand someone meet theirs needs and may explain why they have trouble making friends: because they’re demanding.

It would not be possible to dislike me or find me draining because this neighbor has never spoken to me! She has a right to send her kids to our property to play but I don't have a right to attempt a friendship?
I understand that you are "selectively" friends with neighbors. Are you selecting them before you've even exchanged words? Based on what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave if we drive by each other and that’s it.

And you think that's normal. The dissolution of society right here.

Sweetie, we were buying a house, a work commute, and a school district — not new middle aged friends. Sorry you’re so lonely and hard up friends at such an advanced age, but you are not entitled to our friendship because we bought a house near you. With iPhones, social media, uber and air travel, people remain super connected to old friends. It’s not 1970. Nobody starts over and needs to make all new friends because they moved. And job hopping is so common now, people don’t want to waste time on temporary friends.

Respectfully, you people obsessed with your neighbors just need to take a hint and back off.

Yikes. We dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

I'm not fabulous at making friends, and can't really make any at work. Most of my friendships have developed through my kids' sports. It's tough though, because my husband is not a fan of socializing in large groups and that tends to be what these people do (and is my preference as well.) His availablility is also much more limited than mine, so he ends up not coming to lots of events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and we socialize a lot. Our immediate neighbors are all retired so we don't do much with them but they are often having people over or organizing events. We spend time with our friends in common areas and see people there quite a bit as well. Our neighborhood also hosts large gatherings on a regular basis. Kids are always out and about (more so during summer, during the school year it gets trickier with sports after school but still at least a few days a week they do).

Why don't you socialize with your neighbors who are retired? One of my former neighbors was retired and she used to be the one who organized all the get togethers and outings -- all women who would get together simply because we lived near each other. No other reason. We were of different ages and held different political beliefs and different family situations. The only thing we had in common was that we were neighbors. I would not have picked them out to be friends with otherwise -- but it was a lot of fun. I don't understand people who think they can only socialize with people who check off all the boxes. I no longer live there but I make a point to get together with this older woman for coffee or lunch once a week or every other week because I know she wants company -- and I really enjoy her company -- and also that's what makes a community a community -- keeping tabs on people and being a part of their lives. I really worry for this country. So many people simply incapable of being a part of a community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

The people kiddy corner from me have kids the same age who play with mine in my yard and even in my house. They never said a word to me. I went over there intending to talk to the mom and she refused to make eye contact, hustled inside and sent her husband out! He was awkward but cordial.
How can i be good enough to host your kids but not good enough to talk to you? Obviously they don't think we're that bad or they wouldn't let their kids come here.
I don't understand how people with such poor social skills make decent money.

I experience stuff like this too and it’s pathetic. I truly don’t understand. Perhaps they are all medicated and suffering from a mental illness?

I live in NW in a wealthy neighborhood. I am selectively friends with many of my neighbors. My kids play with all of the kids. Some of the kids parents, I’m not friends with. Some, I am.

Who I choose has nothing to do with “good enough.” They’re all people I like. I don’t have a lot of free time. I don’t spend free time with people I don’t like or find draining. Some of draining people are good people, but spending time with them is not enjoyable.

Is friendship that difficult to grasp?

I do find it annoying when some neighbors think they have a right to be friends. If nothing else, it’s a bit selfish to demand someone meet theirs needs and may explain why they have trouble making friends: because they’re demanding.

It would not be possible to dislike me or find me draining because this neighbor has never spoken to me! She has a right to send her kids to our property to play but I don't have a right to attempt a friendship?
I understand that you are "selectively" friends with neighbors. Are you selecting them before you've even exchanged words? Based on what?

They're probably on the spectrum, or who knows what. It's not you, PP. It's her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened when you extended invitations?

You keep talking about how no one invites you to anything. When you initiate, what is the reaction?

I’m like OP.

When I have offered to meet for coffee while the kids play, I’ve been sneered at.

I drive an old car and live below my means. I can’t host fundraisers at my house or provide free childcare to parents of other kids at my child’s school on a regular basis.

I’ve also moved four times in the metro area during my adult lifetime.

If that makes me unlikeable, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and we socialize a lot. Our immediate neighbors are all retired so we don't do much with them but they are often having people over or organizing events. We spend time with our friends in common areas and see people there quite a bit as well. Our neighborhood also hosts large gatherings on a regular basis. Kids are always out and about (more so during summer, during the school year it gets trickier with sports after school but still at least a few days a week they do).

Why don't you socialize with your neighbors who are retired? One of my former neighbors was retired and she used to be the one who organized all the get togethers and outings -- all women who would get together simply because we lived near each other. No other reason. We were of different ages and held different political beliefs and different family situations. The only thing we had in common was that we were neighbors. I would not have picked them out to be friends with otherwise -- but it was a lot of fun. I don't understand people who think they can only socialize with people who check off all the boxes. I no longer live there but I make a point to get together with this older woman for coffee or lunch once a week or every other week because I know she wants company -- and I really enjoy her company -- and also that's what makes a community a community -- keeping tabs on people and being a part of their lives. I really worry for this country. So many people simply incapable of being a part of a community.

I said we don't do much with them, not that we don't do anything with them. I have friends from growing up, friends from college, friends from various jobs, friends I met through my kids' friends, plus my neighborhood friends that are closer to my age, all of whom I very much enjoy spending time with and have a lot in common with. My retired neighbors want to play pickleball at 11 am on a Tuesday (my friends and I play at 6:30 at night during the week). They enjoy dinner parties that start at 5 on a Friday where everyone bring really elaborate dishes. My friends and I tend to get together later in the evening with food we're able to prepare more quickly since we're all working and shuttling kids around. It's not that I don't like my retired neighbors, it's that our schedules don't always match up and time is finite so I'm going to use it to be with the friends I am far closer with. So your sob story about how we don't socialize generationally can be saved for another time.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have found that giving freely of our time and labor yields new friendships. We frequently offer to paint the houses of people we meet (we call them friend-targets lol.) Exterior only, but no charge. We also offer to do yard work for people (grass cutting, clearing brush, etc.) also at no charge (other than friendship.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have found that giving freely of our time and labor yields new friendships. We frequently offer to paint the houses of people we meet (we call them friend-targets lol.) Exterior only, but no charge. We also offer to do yard work for people (grass cutting, clearing brush, etc.) also at no charge (other than friendship.)

I will add we had/have no experience in housepainting. We (especially DH) just tend to slop the paint on and we've had a couple of complaints about the quality of our work. But it is free and the friends remain free too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite invite invite. Eventually you will click with someone.

I don't know. I want to be hopeful and encouraging but being purposefully excluded from work events, and making no friends through rec league's etc makes me think that something is amiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and we socialize a lot. Our immediate neighbors are all retired so we don't do much with them but they are often having people over or organizing events. We spend time with our friends in common areas and see people there quite a bit as well. Our neighborhood also hosts large gatherings on a regular basis. Kids are always out and about (more so during summer, during the school year it gets trickier with sports after school but still at least a few days a week they do).

Why don't you socialize with your neighbors who are retired? One of my former neighbors was retired and she used to be the one who organized all the get togethers and outings -- all women who would get together simply because we lived near each other. No other reason. We were of different ages and held different political beliefs and different family situations. The only thing we had in common was that we were neighbors. I would not have picked them out to be friends with otherwise -- but it was a lot of fun. I don't understand people who think they can only socialize with people who check off all the boxes. I no longer live there but I make a point to get together with this older woman for coffee or lunch once a week or every other week because I know she wants company -- and I really enjoy her company -- and also that's what makes a community a community -- keeping tabs on people and being a part of their lives. I really worry for this country. So many people simply incapable of being a part of a community.

I said we don't do much with them, not that we don't do anything with them. I have friends from growing up, friends from college, friends from various jobs, friends I met through my kids' friends, plus my neighborhood friends that are closer to my age, all of whom I very much enjoy spending time with and have a lot in common with. My retired neighbors want to play pickleball at 11 am on a Tuesday (my friends and I play at 6:30 at night during the week). They enjoy dinner parties that start at 5 on a Friday where everyone bring really elaborate dishes. My friends and I tend to get together later in the evening with food we're able to prepare more quickly since we're all working and shuttling kids around. It's not that I don't like my retired neighbors, it's that our schedules don't always match up and time is finite so I'm going to use it to be with the friends I am far closer with. So your sob story about how we don't socialize generationally can be saved for another time.

Why did you have to ruin a good post with that nasty ending? Made me feel stupid reading it only to find out at the end it was written by an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite invite invite. Eventually you will click with someone.

I don't know. I want to be hopeful and encouraging but being purposefully excluded from work events, and making no friends through rec league's etc makes me think that something is amiss.

Could be something really simple like your clothing or needing a haircut or not wearing makeup. Ask someone to be brutally honest about how you come across, like a clerk at a clothing store or someone you don't know.