Both my husband and I have no friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have found that giving freely of our time and labor yields new friendships. We frequently offer to paint the houses of people we meet (we call them friend-targets lol.) Exterior only, but no charge. We also offer to do yard work for people (grass cutting, clearing brush, etc.) also at no charge (other than friendship.)

I will add we had/have no experience in housepainting. We (especially DH) just tend to slop the paint on and we've had a couple of complaints about the quality of our work. But it is free and the friends remain free too.

LOL I like your style. You could rope in some of your unhoused friends to help out, too. We "hired" someone like this once but they poured the excess paint in our heirloom boxwoods, killing them all, then dove into our pool to wash off all the turpentine from their clothing and hands and hair, and clogged our $750 filter in the process. In the end it would have been cheaper to just hire Hot Hunks Who Move Junk and Paint. Live and learn. Maybe this is why we are friendless.

[Anonymous]

With regard to "invite invite"
Someone just threw a back to school backyard party. This family went all out and threw a really nice party.
Many of the parents did not even greet the hosts. They dropped their kids off at the driveway and came back three hours later. The invite specifically said it was for the whole family and she had all kinds of food and drinks. It turns out a bunch of these couples went and hung out together while their kids were occupied.
I think she was pretty hurt by this since she told me she wants to make friends. I sympathize with this lady because she like me has an antisocial husband and it seems impossible to make friends with one of these. Everyone only wants to hang out with the whole FAMILY and if he's a wet blanket then you're cooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With regard to "invite invite"
Someone just threw a back to school backyard party. This family went all out and threw a really nice party.
Many of the parents did not even greet the hosts. They dropped their kids off at the driveway and came back three hours later. The invite specifically said it was for the whole family and she had all kinds of food and drinks. It turns out a bunch of these couples went and hung out together while their kids were occupied.
I think she was pretty hurt by this since she told me she wants to make friends. I sympathize with this lady because she like me has an antisocial husband and it seems impossible to make friends with one of these. Everyone only wants to hang out with the whole FAMILY and if he's a wet blanket then you're cooked.

That's really terrible behavior on the part of the other parents. Maybe she should have invited the adults and added, bringing kids is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you two have close family. Are your parents alive?

They do not have local family. Very common in this area. Not all families are close. I do not know why people are acting like this is unusual for two working parents not from this area. It is not that unusual. This area is a grind.

I sort of agree with you, but the fact that his coworkers exclude him from lunches and other functions tells me there’s something socially awkward about him. I know that may sound mean, but most people are able to make some sort of work friendship after being there for many years. Even if it is just to go with a group to lunch.

That combined with being in a rec sports league for nearly a decade without a bond suggests further examination. Does he want to connect with others? If so, what are his actions and words to convey that.

Your kids may desire connection and it could help them understand and see the modeling of ways to build relationships with others. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have been depressed in this country if I did not know so many people from my own culture, and if I was not friends with immigrants from other countries. The WASP culture is bad for one's mental health. IMHO.

I'm a WASP with tons of friends who socializes quite a bit. What exactly do you find so off-putting about that?

WASP culture is not inclusive or welcoming. There is very little understanding of how to host or to reciprocate. Grown up people act in immature manner in social situations. People are unashamedly takers and examples of this behavior is given in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With regard to "invite invite"
Someone just threw a back to school backyard party. This family went all out and threw a really nice party.
Many of the parents did not even greet the hosts. They dropped their kids off at the driveway and came back three hours later. The invite specifically said it was for the whole family and she had all kinds of food and drinks. It turns out a bunch of these couples went and hung out together while their kids were occupied.
I think she was pretty hurt by this since she told me she wants to make friends. I sympathize with this lady because she like me has an antisocial husband and it seems impossible to make friends with one of these. Everyone only wants to hang out with the whole FAMILY and if he's a wet blanket then you're cooked.

That's really terrible behavior on the part of the other parents. Maybe she should have invited the adults and added, bringing kids is okay.

This is typical WASP behavior. I am not surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have been depressed in this country if I did not know so many people from my own culture, and if I was not friends with immigrants from other countries. The WASP culture is bad for one's mental health. IMHO.

I'm a WASP with tons of friends who socializes quite a bit. What exactly do you find so off-putting about that?

WASP culture is not inclusive or welcoming. There is very little understanding of how to host or to reciprocate. Grown up people act in immature manner in social situations. People are unashamedly takers and examples of this behavior is given in this thread.

Asian American here. I grew up in a WASP area. It made me very Americanized. I was always included as a child. My immigrant parents were not included but they had their own social circles.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP. I think a lot of people just don’t have time for new friends.. I made 2 friends with moms from preschool but I rarely see them (we do text regularly but rarely see each other)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

The people kiddy corner from me have kids the same age who play with mine in my yard and even in my house. They never said a word to me. I went over there intending to talk to the mom and she refused to make eye contact, hustled inside and sent her husband out! He was awkward but cordial.
How can i be good enough to host your kids but not good enough to talk to you? Obviously they don't think we're that bad or they wouldn't let their kids come here.
I don't understand how people with such poor social skills make decent money.

OMG thank you for this post! We just spent a week in Delaware, my kids made friends with two other kids the same ages at the pool. The other kids were nice, the younger one shy but eager to meet my DD and the older very normal, and got along well with my DS. We saw them every single day. The parents didn’t make eye contact with either DH or I at all—not once over six days. We even ran into them when we went to two different restaurants and to a beach that was 30 minutes away and the kids said hi to each other. But you guessed it, not even a nod from the parents. It became our family inside joke that the parents might be aliens or have secret identities which is why they could not speak to anyone.

I’m not glad to know there are others like this but I’m glad PP shared their story. Maybe it’s the same couple?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

The people kiddy corner from me have kids the same age who play with mine in my yard and even in my house. They never said a word to me. I went over there intending to talk to the mom and she refused to make eye contact, hustled inside and sent her husband out! He was awkward but cordial.
How can i be good enough to host your kids but not good enough to talk to you? Obviously they don't think we're that bad or they wouldn't let their kids come here.
I don't understand how people with such poor social skills make decent money.

OMG thank you for this post! We just spent a week in Delaware, my kids made friends with two other kids the same ages at the pool. The other kids were nice, the younger one shy but eager to meet my DD and the older very normal, and got along well with my DS. We saw them every single day. The parents didn’t make eye contact with either DH or I at all—not once over six days. We even ran into them when we went to two different restaurants and to a beach that was 30 minutes away and the kids said hi to each other. But you guessed it, not even a nod from the parents. It became our family inside joke that the parents might be aliens or have secret identities which is why they could not speak to anyone.

I’m not glad to know there are others like this but I’m glad PP shared their story. Maybe it’s the same couple?

Not surprised at all by this story. Not sure what’s going on but it’s bizarre.

[Anonymous]

I love long trips driving alone. I can turn off my phone and no one can bother me.

My wife had a day Saturday in which she was by herself and gardening and walking and doing small errands. I LOVE days like that. She said it was not a good day. She wants contact with people.

We are so different. I am worried , i just want to be left alone. And Worried I will not be able to deal with this forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have found that giving freely of our time and labor yields new friendships. We frequently offer to paint the houses of people we meet (we call them friend-targets lol.) Exterior only, but no charge. We also offer to do yard work for people (grass cutting, clearing brush, etc.) also at no charge (other than friendship.)

I will add we had/have no experience in housepainting. We (especially DH) just tend to slop the paint on and we've had a couple of complaints about the quality of our work. But it is free and the friends remain free too.

You cannot be serious. This is so bizarre it must be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have found that giving freely of our time and labor yields new friendships. We frequently offer to paint the houses of people we meet (we call them friend-targets lol.) Exterior only, but no charge. We also offer to do yard work for people (grass cutting, clearing brush, etc.) also at no charge (other than friendship.)

I will add we had/have no experience in housepainting. We (especially DH) just tend to slop the paint on and we've had a couple of complaints about the quality of our work. But it is free and the friends remain free too.

You cannot be serious. This is so bizarre it must be a troll.

Farce, not troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to say, my DH and I have friends, while we are both somewhat awkward (ADHD, both) but also we drink and live in the city. This is good/bad/neutral depending on your POV, but drinking brings people together. Drinking is also very bad for human bodies, especially if you do it daily for tens of years out of a life expectancy of 70-80.

That's the sort of thing I contemplate. My friends are really good we do vacations, get kids together, create community. We also are mostly functional alchohol abusers with excellent jobs and enough money not to worry.

There are others, above my class, who enjoy the above as well as happiness, health, functional relationships, etc. Raised by actual loving, healthy people. The ones I see jogging when I'm hungover. I am assuming they also have amazing friendships too.

Other factors: living in a place for an amount of time. Taking the initiative to get involved. Joining, being a member of a hobby group. Giving, taking time to give what you can to your community. It's how to meet people, improve yourself, and help others. Even drunks can manage that.

Wow. This is damn fine writing.

What an odd comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so off putting when lonely people who randomly live near you think you’re supposed to be friends. It’s so presumptuous and creepy. There was a rich charismatic guy on a podcast today — Bill Simmons — and he said he wants absolutely nothing to do with his neighbors. I think most people feel that way. A wave of we drive by each other and that’s it.

This makes me sad. Being casual friends with your neighbors can bring some joy to life and make everyday living fun. First off, it’s easy and convenient. You can casually get together or grab drinks without having to drive somewhere. It’s fun for children and it’s good to build a sense of community.

Keeping your family isolated is teaching your kids that community doesn’t matter and you don’t care about other people. You don’t realize you’re teaching them this, but you are.

I have some neighbors who come and go and have not made a single friend in the neighborhood and I think it’s bizarre they will spend 15-20 years of their life here and one day drive away without having made a single connection.

A lifestyle where you work on your computer on Teams and only hang with your spouse and kids is self-limiting and not much fun.

Agreed. It strikes me as sad. Geographic community isn't the only kind, but it does matter.

Most of the time I wish I made more money and lived in a bigger house with a bigger yard, but sometimes I read stuff like this and think "ugh, rich people culture sucks, glad to miss out on that."

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and observe very little socializing. I rarely come across someone having a party, people over or really any social activity.

I live in a wealthy neighborhood and we socialize a lot. Our immediate neighbors are all retired so we don't do much with them but they are often having people over or organizing events. We spend time with our friends in common areas and see people there quite a bit as well. Our neighborhood also hosts large gatherings on a regular basis. Kids are always out and about (more so during summer, during the school year it gets trickier with sports after school but still at least a few days a week they do).

I live in a middle class neighborhood and some people socialize. And others don't. OMG. Who knew.