SAHMs and marriage dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick minor hijacking of the thread, if you will forgive me and humor the side question. DCUM readers skew affluent; I'd be curious to know how much this affluent group thinks is enough annual income from the working outside home parent to have the other parent SAH, in a two-kid family.

I got divorced, with elementary and middle school kids. We both worked fulltime out of the house and had a HHI of around $700k. Now I'm a single person kids half-time, and I earn about $400k. $400k doesn't feel like a enough to me. Well, it is definitely "enough" but I'm a worry wart with money, and so it feels like cutting it too close - what if I lose my job, etc.? Maybe $600k with a sense of job security or marketable / moveable / in-demand skills?

I hear you. I have a HHI of 600k and I make about half. I can’t imagine losing the other half. I’m not even sending my kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick minor hijacking of the thread, if you will forgive me and humor the side question. DCUM readers skew affluent; I'd be curious to know how much this affluent group thinks is enough annual income from the working outside home parent to have the other parent SAH, in a two-kid family.

I got divorced, with elementary and middle school kids. We both worked fulltime out of the house and had a HHI of around $700k. Now I'm a single person kids half-time, and I earn about $400k. $400k doesn't feel like a enough to me. Well, it is definitely "enough" but I'm a worry wart with money, and so it feels like cutting it too close - what if I lose my job, etc.? Maybe $600k with a sense of job security or marketable / moveable / in-demand skills?

I hear you. I have a HHI of 600k and I make about half. I can’t imagine losing the other half. I’m not even sending my kids to private school.

Where on earth does all your money go? We make 1/3 what you make and live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

We decided for me to SAH over 10 years ago when my DH made far less than he does now. I think he made MAYBE 100k/year. We cut back on everything to make it work. He makes around 1 mil/year now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We decided for me to SAH over 10 years ago when my DH made far less than he does now. I think he made MAYBE 100k/year. We cut back on everything to make it work. He makes around 1 mil/year now.

He probably wouldn't be where he is without your sacrifice. Sadly, not many men would do it for their wives.

[Anonymous]

SAHM or SAHD isn't possible for 80% of American couples, divorce and layoffs happen and bills needs to be paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We decided for me to SAH over 10 years ago when my DH made far less than he does now. I think he made MAYBE 100k/year. We cut back on everything to make it work. He makes around 1 mil/year now.

He probably wouldn't be where he is without your sacrifice. Sadly, not many men would do it for their wives.

Yes he worked very hard for us! And we always thought of ourselves as a team. I am blessed with a fantastic husband and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick minor hijacking of the thread, if you will forgive me and humor the side question. DCUM readers skew affluent; I'd be curious to know how much this affluent group thinks is enough annual income from the working outside home parent to have the other parent SAH, in a two-kid family.

I got divorced, with elementary and middle school kids. We both worked fulltime out of the house and had a HHI of around $700k. Now I'm a single person kids half-time, and I earn about $400k. $400k doesn't feel like a enough to me. Well, it is definitely "enough" but I'm a worry wart with money, and so it feels like cutting it too close - what if I lose my job, etc.? Maybe $600k with a sense of job security or marketable / moveable / in-demand skills?

I hear you. I have a HHI of 600k and I make about half. I can’t imagine losing the other half. I’m not even sending my kids to private school.

Sounds like you waste a lot of money. At that income level, there are no excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick minor hijacking of the thread, if you will forgive me and humor the side question. DCUM readers skew affluent; I'd be curious to know how much this affluent group thinks is enough annual income from the working outside home parent to have the other parent SAH, in a two-kid family.

I got divorced, with elementary and middle school kids. We both worked fulltime out of the house and had a HHI of around $700k. Now I'm a single person kids half-time, and I earn about $400k. $400k doesn't feel like a enough to me. Well, it is definitely "enough" but I'm a worry wart with money, and so it feels like cutting it too close - what if I lose my job, etc.? Maybe $600k with a sense of job security or marketable / moveable / in-demand skills?

I hear you. I have a HHI of 600k and I make about half. I can’t imagine losing the other half. I’m not even sending my kids to private school.

Sounds like you waste a lot of money. At that income level, there are no excuses.

No excuses for what? I don’t think I said anything other than I can’t imagine if my income dropped from 600 to 300k. Would love to hear your thoughts about how someone with my income should live.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

I love how irritated this makes people. Yeah, I’d hate to lose half my income after DH and I spent years in school/training and worked our butts off to make the money we do now. As in I wouldn’t SAH, which is the topic of this thread. I was also responding to the PP who said $400k doesn’t feel enough. Trust me we are not the only people who feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

I love how irritated this makes people. Yeah, I’d hate to lose half my income after DH and I spent years in school/training and worked our butts off to make the money we do now. As in I wouldn’t SAH, which is the topic of this thread. I was also responding to the PP who said $400k doesn’t feel enough. Trust me we are not the only people who feel that way.

You sound like a lovely person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

I love how irritated this makes people. Yeah, I’d hate to lose half my income after DH and I spent years in school/training and worked our butts off to make the money we do now. As in I wouldn’t SAH, which is the topic of this thread. I was also responding to the PP who said $400k doesn’t feel enough. Trust me we are not the only people who feel that way.

You sound like a lovely person

DP. Are you the weirdo who inserts 'you sound like a lovely person' sarcastically in random places? Because you just sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

I love how irritated this makes people. Yeah, I’d hate to lose half my income after DH and I spent years in school/training and worked our butts off to make the money we do now. As in I wouldn’t SAH, which is the topic of this thread. I was also responding to the PP who said $400k doesn’t feel enough. Trust me we are not the only people who feel that way.

You sound like a lovely person

DP. Are you the weirdo who inserts 'you sound like a lovely person' sarcastically in random places? Because you just sound jealous.[/quote


No, I’m not that weirdo. This is actually the first time I’ve posted that. And yes, it was sarcasm. The poster seems overly focused on their income and lifestyle. I personally don’t like people like that. And no, I’m not jealous. I have plenty of money that I don’t even spend. Having money doesn’t define my happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP, but seriously? You couldn’t imagine living on 300k? Do you know the average HHI for a family of 4 in the DMV is $138k?

I love how irritated this makes people. Yeah, I’d hate to lose half my income after DH and I spent years in school/training and worked our butts off to make the money we do now. As in I wouldn’t SAH, which is the topic of this thread. I was also responding to the PP who said $400k doesn’t feel enough. Trust me we are not the only people who feel that way.

You sound like a lovely person

DP. Are you the weirdo who inserts 'you sound like a lovely person' sarcastically in random places? Because you just sound jealous.[/quote


No, I’m not that weirdo. This is actually the first time I’ve posted that. And yes, it was sarcasm. The poster seems overly focused on their income and lifestyle. I personally don’t like people like that. And no, I’m not jealous. I have plenty of money that I don’t even spend. Having money doesn’t define my happiness.

PP with the 600k here. I have plenty of money I don't spend either. We're saving it for retirement, our kids' college, supporting aging parents, etc. Money doesn't define my happiness either, but I try to use it in ways that make me happy. So, are we that different? People just love to make comments like "wow, you make X amount and you're complaining about money??" Someone making millions can make that comment about someone making tens of millions and it's just silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quick minor hijacking of the thread, if you will forgive me and humor the side question. DCUM readers skew affluent; I'd be curious to know how much this affluent group thinks is enough annual income from the working outside home parent to have the other parent SAH, in a two-kid family.

I got divorced, with elementary and middle school kids. We both worked fulltime out of the house and had a HHI of around $700k. Now I'm a single person kids half-time, and I earn about $400k. $400k doesn't feel like a enough to me. Well, it is definitely "enough" but I'm a worry wart with money, and so it feels like cutting it too close - what if I lose my job, etc.? Maybe $600k with a sense of job security or marketable / moveable / in-demand skills?

I hear you. I have a HHI of 600k and I make about half. I can’t imagine losing the other half. I’m not even sending my kids to private school.

Where on earth does all your money go? We make 1/3 what you make and live comfortably.

DP.
They probably have a lot of fixed expenses. Most of them are taxes and housing, but they probably also have student loans and possibly car payments. They are probably also saving a lot for retirement and kids’ college tuition. They probably live far from family, so they are paying to outsource some things like cleaning and childcare, and they have to fly to see them once or twice a year.

Taxes: $200k
Housing (mortgage, taxes, maintenance): $120k
Student loans (two professional degrees): $35k
Car payments: $15k
Insurance (car, health, life, disability): $10k
Retirement: $65k
Kids’ college: $15k
Outsourcing (childcare, yard, biweekly cleaning): $50k
Vacations (one real vacation and otherwise go to visit family): $20k

Total: $530k

So, they have roughly $6k/month to pay for everything else including food, clothes, entertainment, furniture, gas, kids activities, etc.

It sounds like a lot, but they are like, “How is it that we make $600k/yr and still have an iPhone 6 and buy most of our clothes at Target? We don’t even send our kids to private school.”

I can see how it seems impossible to think about living on half of that.