Maureen Dowd column on Landon

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't Landon, and every other school, just write a list of behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and for which the punishment is automatic expulsion? Then it wouldn't matter who the parents were. Why keep giving chances to kids who just spoil the experience for everyone else? I know it would have been hard to predict this particular conduct in advance. But certainly other conduct -- illegal drug use, underage drinking and smoking, physical violence toward others, should be no brainers. Or is that just setting the bar too high? My kids' school (not Landon) gives way more chances than it should, because the administration wants to help the kids and their families, but it makes my own kids embarrassed to go there and to disrespect the administration for letting so much slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a fourteen year old son. Do you think I should tell him about the details of this article and use it as a teaching moment or should I just talk about about (once again) respecting women etc and not mention this episode at Landon?

I am a parent of a 12 year old DD. I am actually very specific with her about examples and I think it helps.

For example, some kid in their class showed them a YouTube video which was a Snookie parody performing a Ke$ha song. DD wanted to show us this "funny video" (it made my ears almost start to bleed...)

After the video, I asked DD if she had seen the Jersey Shore before (she had heard of Snookie). She said no, but I know who she is. I explained the show is not really good one for a few reasons-

1. It stereotypes people of NJ and Italians
2. Most importantly - it exploits this young woman, Snookie. It shows her going too far with guys, trying to show too much to get attention, not saying no, when it would be good to. I explained that often times girls with low self esteem think they have to do things with guys to get attention, to feel good.

Now, there is much more wrong with the show, but I was trying to keep it simple.

I then explained to DD that she is lucky - she gets attention at home, she has parents who care about her and that she does not need to look elsewhere to get confidence- she has it growing within. I told her Snookie likely does not have that good fortune, and that is why she acts out in some of those ways.

Long way of saying, I think sharing specifics with your child and giving them your interpretation of why this is wrong, why its not ok, is a good thing, even if the topics are ones you'd rather not see or deal with.

I think the liklihood that your son will hear you and learn from it is higher than the likelihood that he will try to replicate the idea.

How do you feel about lying to your DD? Listen, I'm not a big fan of the Jersey Shore, but I doubt you have ever actually watched it. Also, the things you say about Snookie are just false. What the hell do you know about how much attention she gets at home or how much confidence she has? She is a grown women and doing things that quite frankly a lot of grown women her age do. Telling your DD that she is not likely to have a good fortune is pretty horrible. What do you know? I get your daughter is just 12 yo, but you seem almost proud of this "learning experience" that you had with her. Really, you just come across as horribly judgmental and holier-than-thou.

[Anonymous]

I attended a ceremony at a girls school this morning. Landon is a big topic. Boys and parents are being named. People want to know who these kids are because they don't want anything to do with them. They don't want Facebook contact with these boys and they certainly don't want personal contact with them. People are worried about school dances and general interaction with these boys.

Girls are talking also. The words used by these boys to describe girls are very hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I'm a np, the mother of a young daughter with no affiliation to Landon (this thread is such a train wreck I can't avert my eyes). To the parent who child was harassed at Landon and continues to be, I am so sorry. The actions of landon students described in the article and on this thread are disgusting, but, at least with respect to some of the behaviors, these are still 13 and 14 year olds, right? I don't think they are all doomed to become horrible men. How would you want a school to respond to an event like the slampig? My thoughts: (a) short suspension, (b) prolonged unpleasant community service to school (think clean up duty after sporting events or something equally physical), (c) notice to me so I could institute my own repurcussion, (d) fundraiser for a charity supporting women who have been victims of violence, and (e) development of a speaker series of women who have been abused and raped and year-long course curriculum on character development. While I do think some actions should merit automatic expulsions, in this case, I would much rather a school choose the harder path -- attempting to right the moral compass of the students who are off track.

[Anonymous]

PP. problem is these kids have a history of repugnant behavior. Expulsion is the solution. I have a ds at Landon--it's been rough having these boys in the class. Please, someone do something about these boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a link to the email that Landon's headmaster sent to its alumni:

http://www.wusa9.com/news/PDFS/letter_from_landon_headmaster.pdf

It takes real talent to use so many words to say so little.

[Anonymous]

Landon really has no clue how big a problem it has on its hands. It is not one single event, it is a series of events. Unfortunately, the only option it has is to view itself like a company that's bankrupt and discredited. It has to fire top management, turn over its board and make a public mea culpa. Only then will the public give it a chance at a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Landon really has no clue how big a problem it has on its hands. It is not one single event, it is a series of events. Unfortunately, the only option it has is to view itself like a company that's bankrupt and discredited. It has to fire top management, turn over its board and make a public mea culpa. Only then will the public give it a chance at a fresh start.

I only see his happening if the coming year brings a dramatic decline in student applications.

[Anonymous]

Leaving aside how atrocious the behavior was, is it really appropriate for the school to punish the students? This wasn't in connection with any school event, was it? I am a little uncomfortable with a school punishing kids for conduct that had nothign to do with the school (unless I'm wrong about that). Would a kid be suspended if he was caught shoplifting? How about driving without a license? Drunk driving (not to or from a school event)? Why is this different? Why should the school be the one to hand out punishment, not the parents?

In a weird way, I can almost see an all (expulsion) or nothing situation. If the school doesn't want to be affiliated with the kids, then expel them. But in-school (or out of school) suspensions, at least in my day, were for infractions that had something to do with school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving aside how atrocious the behavior was, is it really appropriate for the school to punish the students? This wasn't in connection with any school event, was it? I am a little uncomfortable with a school punishing kids for conduct that had nothign to do with the school (unless I'm wrong about that). Would a kid be suspended if he was caught shoplifting? How about driving without a license? Drunk driving (not to or from a school event)? Why is this different? Why should the school be the one to hand out punishment, not the parents?

In a weird way, I can almost see an all (expulsion) or nothing situation. If the school doesn't want to be affiliated with the kids, then expel them. But in-school (or out of school) suspensions, at least in my day, were for infractions that had something to do with school.

You are not familiar with the typical private-school honor code, are you? The honor codes often cover behavior off-campus and unrelated to school events if, e.g., the behavior brings dishonor to the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a fourteen year old son. Do you think I should tell him about the details of this article and use it as a teaching moment or should I just talk about about (once again) respecting women etc and not mention this episode at Landon?

I am a parent of a 12 year old DD. I am actually very specific with her about examples and I think it helps.

For example, some kid in their class showed them a YouTube video which was a Snookie parody performing a Ke$ha song. DD wanted to show us this "funny video" (it made my ears almost start to bleed...)

After the video, I asked DD if she had seen the Jersey Shore before (she had heard of Snookie). She said no, but I know who she is. I explained the show is not really good one for a few reasons-

1. It stereotypes people of NJ and Italians
2. Most importantly - it exploits this young woman, Snookie. It shows her going too far with guys, trying to show too much to get attention, not saying no, when it would be good to. I explained that often times girls with low self esteem think they have to do things with guys to get attention, to feel good.

Now, there is much more wrong with the show, but I was trying to keep it simple.

I then explained to DD that she is lucky - she gets attention at home, she has parents who care about her and that she does not need to look elsewhere to get confidence- she has it growing within. I told her Snookie likely does not have that good fortune, and that is why she acts out in some of those ways.

Long way of saying, I think sharing specifics with your child and giving them your interpretation of why this is wrong, why its not ok, is a good thing, even if the topics are ones you'd rather not see or deal with.

I think the liklihood that your son will hear you and learn from it is higher than the likelihood that he will try to replicate the idea.

How do you feel about lying to your DD? Listen, I'm not a big fan of the Jersey Shore, but I doubt you have ever actually watched it. Also, the things you say about Snookie are just false. What the hell do you know about how much attention she gets at home or how much confidence she has? She is a grown women and doing things that quite frankly a lot of grown women her age do. Telling your DD that she is not likely to have a good fortune is pretty horrible. What do you know? I get your daughter is just 12 yo, but you seem almost proud of this "learning experience" that you had with her. Really, you just come across as horribly judgmental and holier-than-thou.

See use of the word "likely" above. And FYI - my DH and have watched the show. I actually am proud of talking to my daughter, and my opinion of Snookie stands. I think the show exploits her.

FYI - you come across as someone who needs to chill out (channelling my useful judgmental qualities)!

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I want kids to be responsible to their schools for out of school conduct. You don't check your honor at the door when you leave the building, and when you go to a well-known institution, you represent it wherever you go. Maybe you're right, pp, that suspension is a little strange for non school related conduct. But expulsion seems appropriate. If you don't measure up to the standards of a [fill in the blank school name] boy/girl, you can go to public school and have your spot taken by someone who appreciates the privilege and the responsibilities that come with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't Landon, and every other school, just write a list of behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable and for which the punishment is automatic expulsion? Then it wouldn't matter who the parents were. Why keep giving chances to kids who just spoil the experience for everyone else? I know it would have been hard to predict this particular conduct in advance. But certainly other conduct -- illegal drug use, underage drinking and smoking, physical violence toward others, should be no brainers. Or is that just setting the bar too high? My kids' school (not Landon) gives way more chances than it should, because the administration wants to help the kids and their families, but it makes my own kids embarrassed to go there and to disrespect the administration for letting so much slide.

Landon does have that, it's called the Student Handbook; it outlines all the punishments/offenses and every student is required to read it.

[Anonymous]

I was thinking the exact same thing. This happened off campus when school was not in session. I wonder how the parents disciplined their boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know three families who are starting at Landon in the fall. I know they began the application process well before the latest scandal, but I still kind of wonder why in the world anyone would start their son there right now. Not leaving, I can understand, but beginning? I don't know them well enough to ask, oh well!

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Landon is a great school. Kids who deserve punishment at landon get it. Those who achieve greatness get praise at landon. The media has found a few cases and decide to bash on landon because it is such a great school and a lot of people there are wealthy. However, landon has the strongest honor code system in the metropolitan area. George Hugely did not even presently go to landon! His case had nothing to do with landon at all. All in all, people find a few mistakes that students make at Landon, blow the situations up ten-fold, but no one ever notices the really great things that landon achieves. No one notices the countless rhodes scolars or concert violinists or expert painters or community service organizers for trips to Africa. Leave landon alone and get a life.