Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Statistically (you should never crowdsource from DCUM the insecure men are like ants) high achieving men have high achieving spouses. It’s called assortive mating. It is increasing in the past decade and it’s extremely unlikely to find a lawyer married to a waitress, no matter how attractive. Especially true in first marriages.

This

Assortive mating means two pre law students fall in love, or a pre law and a pre banker, or a doctor marries a businessman. Doesn’t mean the female remains a banker, post kid(s).

+1 throughout the thread most people acknowledged that the days of hot secretaries are over. But after education being a certain marker if there is enough money the career of the women does not matter that much and other considerations such as time, flexibility and compatibility come into play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Statistically (you should never crowdsource from DCUM the insecure men are like ants) high achieving men have high achieving spouses. It’s called assortive mating. It is increasing in the past decade and it’s extremely unlikely to find a lawyer married to a waitress, no matter how attractive. Especially true in first marriages.

This

Assortive mating means two pre law students fall in love, or a pre law and a pre banker, or a doctor marries a businessman. Doesn’t mean the female remains a banker, post kid(s).

But it does mean the garbage being spouted here about “men just want a hot waitress” or “you can be replaced by the barista” is just misogynistic garbage.

I married a waitress, sorta. Wonderful woman.

[Anonymous]

I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

Most men have not evolved past that..they want both…in the same person and it is an unreasonable expectation.

LMAO at women thinking men have unreasonable expectations. Women (and especially women over 30) inevitably have a list of 3,257 Absolute Requirements that a man must have before she will consider a relationship with him. And the truly hilarious aspect is that her requirements are steadily increasing as her hotness is steadily decreasing.

I don’t know if men have *unreasonable* expectations (because that is idiosyncratic to the personalities and finances of a couple) but I have found that men have *uneven* expectations. I’m in a dual-career household where my husband makes about $75k more than I do, and we have a good split of domestic responsibilities. On the other hand in addition to working the same hours and doing a little more than half of the childcare (I’m nursing) there is also the expectation that I maintain a higher standard for grooming and self care than he does, which means in addition to doing everything he does, I also have to find the time for workouts, cosmetic care and clothes shopping, which I hate. I am also responsible for making sure our child looks presentable/her clothes fit.

So I would say even in a successful, balanced marriage a woman is still expected to do everything the man does, but backward and in heels

[Anonymous]

Do the men who think women’s careers don’t matter also chime in on the threads where women talk about dating higher-income men and yell “MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY”? Because only one of those positions can be held at time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher, which is a profession that is routinely scorned on this site, and my dh doesn’t seem to care. He out-earns me, but we connect on a deep level. We’re friends and we have so much fun together.

I honestly do not think my husband views my career as a high school teacher as something embarrassing or less-than, though. I love my job and spend a great deal of time at home planning lessons, reading, and grading. I have overheard my husband boasting about an award I received and how good I am at my job. I am intelligent and well-read, and able to discuss politics and culture, etc, and my husband sometimes asks me to look over writing he does for his own (much higher paying) job. I don’t think my husband’s colleagues view me as less-than, either. Or maybe their wives are posting about me online, but I don’t care.

Yes, I’m physically attractive, but our marriage wouldn’t have lasted for so long if that was all he cared about. No, I don’t think he would have preferred a woman with a high status job who didn’t care about her personal appearance. DH and I run 10ks and half marathons together, and he doesn’t have much respect for couch potatoes (neither do I).

So in my case, my dh doesn’t care that I have a lower status job and he does appreciate value my interest in taking care of my body.

PS- I went to Harvard. Some people with jobs you consider to be low-status are intelligent.

I’d consider teaching high school a serious career.

Many people don’t.

I'm engaged to a teacher. His job is far more difficult and important than mine, yet I get asked why I would marry a man who makes less than I do. He's awesome and I don't see his job as "low status" at all. Plus, he's hot.

Ah, adorbs. I had the same idealism when we got engaged, but then resent my DH as our lifestyle depends on my career advancing and I never get to see my kids. And by lifestyle I mean a SFH with good schools not in the sticks.

This is my second marriage and I had all of that before I met him. Sorry about your situation though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

So gross. Scary to think this loser is reproducing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

having kids and taking care of a house is work. Anyone can see that which is why there are all these arguments. The problem is when there is still that work to do with the kids and a house and the man runs off with the money. Money, safety, and raising kids can't be divorced from each other.

Yep - WOH mom here. It is hard, never ending, thankless work. This is why I think it's so unfair when Hs leave and the courts decide that a SAHM has max 2 years to get on her feet and start making $$$. Good luck trying to find a position that can allows survival in DC area after being out of work for 10+ years. What if you have teenagers and you want them to stay in the same schools? You need at least 3.5K to rent an old rancher in McLean High School.

Lol. "Your honor, I know my financial situation is going to deteriorate but I still deserve, at a minimum, to live in one of the most expensive ZIP Codes in the country!"

So then she's forced to switch the kids' schools? I have a friend who was given 2 years alimony and she was forced to move in with her sister when that was up. She can't afford an apartment and taking care of all her kids' needs on her salary. Child support isn't enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are both professionals, we make similar salaries and share the child care and household duties evenly. She would be terribly unhappy without her career and is a highly skilled professional. I support her and her career just as she supports me in mine. There are certainly some men who deep down just want a wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but most of us have evolved beyond that.

Most men have not evolved past that..they want both…in the same person and it is an unreasonable expectation.

LMAO at women thinking men have unreasonable expectations. Women (and especially women over 30) inevitably have a list of 3,257 Absolute Requirements that a man must have before she will consider a relationship with him. And the truly hilarious aspect is that her requirements are steadily increasing as her hotness is steadily decreasing.

I don’t know if men have *unreasonable* expectations (because that is idiosyncratic to the personalities and finances of a couple) but I have found that men have *uneven* expectations. I’m in a dual-career household where my husband makes about $75k more than I do, and we have a good split of domestic responsibilities. On the other hand in addition to working the same hours and doing a little more than half of the childcare (I’m nursing) there is also the expectation that I maintain a higher standard for grooming and self care than he does, which means in addition to doing everything he does, I also have to find the time for workouts, cosmetic care and clothes shopping, which I hate. I am also responsible for making sure our child looks presentable/her clothes fit.

So I would say even in a successful, balanced marriage a woman is still expected to do everything the man does, but backward and in heels

No. In your marriage those are the expectations. We are dual career, my husband outearns me. But when I was nursing he did about 75% of the domestic duties. I took care of most of the child-related planning and stocking of needed items when they were young, but he did his share of things including night parenting so I could be rested for work. And I never put that much time into cosmetic stuff. I am thin and wear minimal makeup but I don’t do anything special to maintain it. Being healthy, sure… shopping for cute clothes, sure! But for fun and to relax — not as another item on my to do list.

As with everything in life, you can go looking for more work or you can figure out how to let go. The successful working women I know do not go looking for extra projects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

So gross. Scary to think this loser is reproducing.

Yeah the girl has to put up with bad looks and health but not him. Uggh.

[Anonymous]

Well, usually people dont fall in love with each other's careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

So gross. Scary to think this loser is reproducing.

This is how 99% of men think. Might be gross but that’s just how men are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

So gross. Scary to think this loser is reproducing.

Yeah the girl has to put up with bad looks and health but not him. Uggh.

Nah, he’s “preferring”. Every below average guy thinks he’s entitled to a beautiful wife, but I notice none of these women (stunning or otherwise) has decided to make it permanent, which suggests he’s also not such a high earner (“relatively” covers a multitude of sins) or other aspects of his personality show early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer to marry a woman who is both physically attractive and has her own career, but if I can only choose one I would choose looks. FWIW I am probably incapable of attracting the woman who has both, I make a relatively high income but was not blessed genetically so I would trade money for looks. I’ve dated some very stunning women as well as those who are more homely/overweight and after experiencing both I cannot get over being with a below average looking woman.

So gross. Scary to think this loser is reproducing.

Yeah the girl has to put up with bad looks and health but not him. Uggh.

I don't understand what's wrong with what he said. I know beautiful women who married average looking men for their money--nothing wrong with that. It seems PP is realistic about what he can get and made his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the men who think women’s careers don’t matter also chime in on the threads where women talk about dating higher-income men and yell “MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY”? Because only one of those positions can be held at time.

Hey, if you want something expensive, make some money. Be a damn adult. I married someone without a great salary who lived within her means, or our means after we married.