Condo neighbor relations

[Anonymous]

I just moved into a new condo off Connecticut Ave. Most of my neighbors are on the old side. When we were still looking, it seemed friendly enough. However, almost every day someone does/says something weirdly nasty. For example, as I pushed my stroller into the lobby, I had to ask a lady to move a bit. I smiled and explained that there was no other way to enter the building. She moved about a quarter of an inch. I said again, I think I need a bit more room. She rolled her eyes and ignored me. I pushed the stroller inside, and of course, ran over her foot. I apologized, but pointed out that I HAD asked her to move and there was no other way for me to get inside. Keep in mind she wasnt sitting on a bench or anything, but leaning on a wall, blocking the entrance. She just rolled her eyes again and ignored me. This other woman called me a Shithead for using the last communal washer (uh how was I supposed to know she had laundry to do?). I offered to stop my load so she could put hers in (i don't know why I offered, I guess I was trying to be nice since I just moved in). She just said I needed to get manners and waddled out. Um okay. My next door neighbor was wheeling in some stuff down the hall. I stupidly moved aside directly in front of her (it was 7:30am on a Sunday, pre-coffee). She snapped at me "it's a HELL of a lot easier for you to move than me!!!!!!". I immediately apologized with a smile and said "sorry brain not working!". She just sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. Yesterday as I wheeled my son in my apartment a woman walking down the hall glared at him for babbling. He wasnt crying, just making baby sounds. Keep in mind it was 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon and he wasnt loud. I smiled at her and said hello, but she just rolled her eyes and huffed off.

Is this normal? I have no idea what could have caused these people to act like this. The only thing I can think of is that these are older white ladies an I'm a young Central American woman with a baby (my blond husband is ignored but he spends most of his time working anyway). Could that really be it? Or do they act like jerks to everyone?

[Anonymous]

I am all for mandatory assisted living facilities after a certain age.

[Anonymous]

In my condo a woman yelled at me for taking her laundry out of the communal dryer because it still had time. I waited for 10 minutes to move it and then folded her clothes. I think she might have been crazy.

So, they're probably everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Ooooooo me too!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Is this just a NW DC thing or is it everywhere??

And why does it happen to me on a daily basis?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is racism, maybe it is ageism. Whatever it is, you are going to need to live with it, so you should probably examine your own behavior a little more to see if you could make it better.

1. With the first incident, did you say excuse me? Or did you really say some version of will you move, I need space? The second is much ruder than the first.

2. With the second incident, how many laundry machines are there and how many were you using? In many buildings with communal laundry, it is very rude to use more than one at a time.

3. With the third incident, seriously, you need to watch out. In general, if you live in a building with a ton of old people, you should be treating them with extreme respect (even if they are batshit crazy), so make sure that nothing like this could ever happen, and when it does (as things do), apologize with respect. None of this, "Brain not working" crap. Say "I'm so sorry."

4. Try to make a mommy friend or two in the building. Ask what they do and what the culture is. In many of these buildings, there are longstanding issues and feuds, tread carefully until you learn how to negotiate.

5. Be extremely nice to the staff and tip well when appropriate (even if just for Christmas). Treat them with great respect.

6. Attend condo meetings, but know your place. You are new. Thay have been dealing with issues for a long time. Sit back and make friends before you make demands.

Good luck. I don't envy you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Is this just a NW DC thing or is it everywhere??

And why does it happen to me on a daily basis?

13:51. This does not happen at all in my building at this point. My building is different as it is newer construction so there are fewer longstanding residents, and we don't have communal laundry. But, we did have big issues for several years after it first opened. Anger was open, and our list serve even needed to be shut down because of the constant name-calling. Now, it is an amazing place to live, but it took real effort. We elected a board based on temperment, and we made it clear for some time that we would not continue any discussion that included personal insults. Then, we increased communication overall and increased community activities. Someone volunteered to lead a garden day, and I started providing drinks after some of the major meetings. We did a few progressive cocktail parties, and we invited all our staff. It is now an absolutely lovely place to live with a very solid community where nobody would ever think to say things like that. Not that things are perfect, but it is generally a very happy place. I don't think these strategies would necessarily work for your building where the population is very entrenched, but there is hope. First, you must learn and respect the community, and then maybe you can be a part of some change for the positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is racism, maybe it is ageism. Whatever it is, you are going to need to live with it, so you should probably examine your own behavior a little more to see if you could make it better.

1. With the first incident, did you say excuse me? Or did you really say some version of will you move, I need space? The second is much ruder than the first.

2. With the second incident, how many laundry machines are there and how many were you using? In many buildings with communal laundry, it is very rude to use more than one at a time.P

3. With the third incident, seriously, you need to watch out. In general, if you live in a building with a ton of old people, you should be treating them with extreme respect (even if they are batshit crazy), so make sure that nothing like this could ever happen, and when it does (as things do), apologize with respect. None of this, "Brain not working" crap. Say "I'm so sorry."

4. Try to make a mommy friend or two in the building. Ask what they do and what the culture is. In many of these buildings, there are longstanding issues and feuds, tread carefully until you learn how to negotiate.

5. Be extremely nice to the staff and tip well when appropriate (even if just for Christmas). Treat them with great respect.

6. Attend condo meetings, but know your place. You are new. Thay have been dealing with issues for a long time. Sit back and make friends before you make demands.

Good luck. I don't envy you.

OP here. In response,

(1) I smiled, said I'm so sorry to bother you but I need to get past you. Do you mind moving? I'm really sorry.
When she only moved 1/4 of an inch I said "I'm so so sorry to interrupt again (she was on her blackberry), but I need a bit more space! This stroller is pretty big! (side note- it isnt really that big, she was blocking the entrance).

(2) I used 2 machines and there are 12 available.

(3) i said "oh! I'm so sorry! My brain isn't working today!! Haha!!"

(4) not many mommy friends here actually. Not many mommies at all.

(5) the staff loves me (thankfully). One of them is leaving and told me privately how much he hates the other people in the building. I just smiled and said nothing. They are rude to the staff too, but are nicer to them than to me.

(6) yes I should go to the meetings but they're at 7 which is when I put the baby to sleep. Plus, my husband gets home around then.

I have one friend in the building who told me the shithead caller is crazy. That made me feel a but better.

Maybe I should just move!

[Anonymous]

They probably think you are the nanny and that therefore, its OK to be rude to you.

[Anonymous]

there are a ton of old, entitled assholes in DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my condo a woman yelled at me for taking her laundry out of the communal dryer because it still had time. I waited for 10 minutes to move it and then folded her clothes. I think she might have been crazy.

So, they're probably everywhere.

I hate people who take out my laundry. She was only 10 minutes late, not as she left it there for hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably think you are the nanny and that therefore, its OK to be rude to you.

This thought sincerely never occurred to me until now. But you are probably right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably think you are the nanny and that therefore, its OK to be rude to you.

This thought sincerely never occurred to me until now. But you are probably right.

Really? That was my first thought.

You need to go to a condo meeting. DH put the kid to sleep, and make an appearance. When you do, be a force of light and goodwill. Bring cookies. When they ask for new business or whatever, raise your hand. Introduce yourself and your DH and DC, make it CLEAR you are a mommy not a nanny and that you own not rent (if that's true). Then ask how you can contribute to the building. Can you be on a committee? You need to get on their side.

In grad school, I lived in a building in Arlington that my friends affectionately called "The Morgue." A bus arrived every Saturday to take the biddies to some casino. Laundry was a NIGHTMARE because they never retrieved their stuff, and had a fit if you dared to do it -- even if you folded it for them.

Give it time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably think you are the nanny and that therefore, its OK to be rude to you.

This thought sincerely never occurred to me until now. But you are probably right.

13:51 This is definitely possible and was my first thought, and it is even more reason why you should go to condo meetings. Don't make excuses. It is your responsibility as a home owner to go, especially as you are learning the building. Either I or my husband have been on the board of our building (sometimes president) during my child's whole life (five years). I understand the timing implications, as we both work full-time and have extremely busy lives also, but things won't change unless you are part of the solution.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that.We have a few grumpy oldies in our building, but most are really nice.
About 20 have died since I move in 5 years ago(not my fault).They've been replaced with young families with babies.