How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

I suggest OP's DC should continue to call the professor and counselor by their first names. I know professors who would give partial credit for wrong answers, try to read answers in a favorable way, allow a student to take a test early or late to go home (not for an emergency), write letters of recommendation for graduate school, provide contacts for jobs. Young professors might prefer "professor" to keep boundaries. Older professors might think it's a sign of respect. Whatever the reason, why would a student want to go against someone's wishes on how they should be addressed.

Are you inferring these professors are unprofessional and suffer from deep-seeded psychological issues as they will attempt to sabotage a young lady's education because of this batsh*t supposed slight?

It’s not a batsh*t supposed slight. It’s downright disrespectful. How many times does this need to be said?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a handful of lunatic morons with EdDs from degree mills who demand they're addressed with Dr.

Like Dr. Peter Venkman.
And exactly what are you a doctor of, Dr. Venkman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Nobody's saying that's not perfect fine and that's your prerogative. Would your b-school professors harm or dock you or slight you in any way for simply using their first name? Probably not. But folks in these thread are arguing it's okay for professors to do just that if a young adult doesn't bow down and kiss the pinky ring every email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

I suggest OP's DC should continue to call the professor and counselor by their first names. I know professors who would give partial credit for wrong answers, try to read answers in a favorable way, allow a student to take a test early or late to go home (not for an emergency), write letters of recommendation for graduate school, provide contacts for jobs. Young professors might prefer "professor" to keep boundaries. Older professors might think it's a sign of respect. Whatever the reason, why would a student want to go against someone's wishes on how they should be addressed.

Are you inferring these professors are unprofessional and suffer from deep-seeded psychological issues as they will attempt to sabotage a young lady's education because of this batsh*t supposed slight?

It’s not a batsh*t supposed slight. It’s downright disrespectful. How many times does this need to be said?

um... until you get it right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

May I ask what your title is?

Doctor of Naturopathy

Ahhhhhhh.

Well, there you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Nobody's saying that's not perfect fine and that's your prerogative. Would your b-school professors harm or dock you or slight you in any way for simply using their first name? Probably not. But folks in these thread are arguing it's okay for professors to do just that if a young adult doesn't bow down and kiss the pinky ring every email.

There it is again -- that weird fetish for hyperbole.

Something tells me that this PP's life has been full of consternation and rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Nobody's saying that's not perfect fine and that's your prerogative. Would your b-school professors harm or dock you or slight you in any way for simply using their first name? Probably not. But folks in these thread are arguing it's okay for professors to do just that if a young adult doesn't bow down and kiss the pinky ring every email.

I think the fact that you think calling someone by their preferred title is "bowing down and kissing the pinky ring" says it all. Literally, it requires about 1 more second of your time to type out "Dear Professor So and So," than "Hey Melissa".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

May I ask what your title is?

Doctor of Naturopathy

Ahhhhhhh.

Well, there you go.

Yeah. I’m still laughing at this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Good point. My professors also referred to me as Ms. X, so it wasn't an issue of ego/subservience it was just decorum.

But kids can't use Ms and Mr anymore because the pronoun police will turn you in if you use the wrong one. Everyone in academia has "preferred pronouns" now. Kids walk on eggshells fearing all these perceived slights. So, I don't see the problem playing it safe with first names. Everyone loves their first name; it's familiar and comforting, unless you're on a cocktail of SSRIs and have seven cats, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

May I ask what your title is?

Doctor of Naturopathy

Ahhhhhhh.

Well, there you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a handful of lunatic morons with EdDs from degree mills who demand they're addressed with Dr.

Like Dr. Peter Venkman.
And exactly what are you a doctor of, Dr. Venkman?

Back off man, I’m a scientist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Nobody's saying that's not perfect fine and that's your prerogative. Would your b-school professors harm or dock you or slight you in any way for simply using their first name? Probably not. But folks in these thread are arguing it's okay for professors to do just that if a young adult doesn't bow down and kiss the pinky ring every email.

There it is again -- that weird fetish for hyperbole.

Something tells me that this PP's life has been full of consternation and rage.

I'm not full of rage. I think an adult who goes nuclear because a 18-22 year old called them their first name is the one harboring psychological demons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a handful of lunatic morons with EdDs from degree mills who demand they're addressed with Dr.

Like Dr. Peter Venkman.
And exactly what are you a doctor of, Dr. Venkman?

Back off man, I’m a scientist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

OK, but do you really feel that college students are adults just because they have reached the legal adult age? I think we are talking about undergrads here.

Come to think of it, when I was in business school and most of the students were in fact adults, we still called our professors by their last name as they did with us.

Good point. My professors also referred to me as Ms. X, so it wasn't an issue of ego/subservience it was just decorum.

But kids can't use Ms and Mr anymore because the pronoun police will turn you in if you use the wrong one. Everyone in academia has "preferred pronouns" now. Kids walk on eggshells fearing all these perceived slights. So, I don't see the problem playing it safe with first names. Everyone loves their first name; it's familiar and comforting, unless you're on a cocktail of SSRIs and have seven cats, of course.

Professor is gender neutral. And accurate. Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

I respect your opinion. Would you consider reading the NYT article linked in this thread to see if any of the issues outlined there might, in your opinion, warrant an exception?

I will find it and read it.

Mostly I find the insistence on honorifics to be the vestiges of a racist and misogynistic history in which those honorifics were used as a way of keeping people who deserved it on their merits out of power.

You want respect? Earn it based on your behavior, not by insisting another adult address you with a title.

I am a woman of color, PhD holder, and professor and you could not be more off base here.

Nope. I've been in the trenches myself and I completely disagree with you.