Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

+100
I'm thinking there are some very dense and defensive women here who simply don't "approve" of SAHMs, so they try and couch their disdain in terms of feminism. They're really looking foolish.

A lot of SAHMs actually couch their *choice* to SAH in terms of feminism. It's not just those who disapprove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so bored. I wish that weren't the case, but it is. I'm easily able to manage the household with my husband AND work. We purposely bought a house that is small (requires less work) and is a short commute to our jobs. The person that sacrifices the most so I can work is my husband. He is required to do an equal share at home. If I stayed at home I'd basically just turn into unpaid help and childcare. I'm contributing a good 50k towards retirement each year and we are able to live off my salary. As long as I'm happy and my kids and husband are happy I will continue working.

That's nice. But you do realize no one's trying to tell you how to live your life, right?
What brings you to this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

I was hoping you had a plan for your life when you started SAH. And you're certainly not going to go back to a career after being at home for 15+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

Judging by the monsters out there, no, not anyone can. Perhaps if we valued motherhood (and fatherhood) more, kids would turn out better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

I was hoping you had a plan for your life when you started SAH. And you're certainly not going to go back to a career after being at home for 15+ years.

LOL. Dog with a bone. Just can't stop, can you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

A lot of people do a crappy job. Someone needs to take on the heavy lifting of raising children properly.

Some of us can raise wonderful children and still use full time daycare. Lucky? Sure. Impossible? Not at all. What suffers is our female friendships because family, work and maybe exercise can fit in but not much else. The SAHMs in my neighborhood are very tight, due to having spent years together when the WOHMs were furthering their careers.

Sure. Exercise and friendships. That is all that suffers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

They do have that choice, they just don't exercise it as often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Life IS mundane minutiae. A bunch of boring, routine moments with sprinkling of excitement. I know so many people who go to work every day thinking, I’m so bored; kill me now!

and the 2+ hours in traffic five days a week? Now that's a life waster. How many people are sitting in their cars on 495 thinking "kill me now"? That would be me.

+1
Talk about soul-sucking.

Why is the answer to SAH, instead of to find a job with a shorter commute, or one that allows telecommuting?

I'm going to say this as clearly as possible, to hopefully clear up any confusion on your part. We chose to stay home with our kids because WE WANTED TO. Getting rid of a pointless, wasteful commute was merely a bonus.

Are you actually on this thread with the intention of making us all feel like we should be WOHMs again? How would you react if we were trying to persuade you to SAH against your wishes? It really seems so many of you never learned what feminism really means. Hint: it doesn't mean WOH just to prove some sort of point.

Then why talk about the commute as soul sucking? Why single that part of WOH out? If you SAH because you wanted to, I am not sure what the point is in posting with a bunch of other SAHMs just to agree that SAH is not boring but very fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

+100
I'm thinking there are some very dense and defensive women here who simply don't "approve" of SAHMs, so they try and couch their disdain in terms of feminism. They're really looking foolish.

How does choosing to SAH in 2017 differ from having to SAH in 1963?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Life IS mundane minutiae. A bunch of boring, routine moments with sprinkling of excitement. I know so many people who go to work every day thinking, I’m so bored; kill me now!

and the 2+ hours in traffic five days a week? Now that's a life waster. How many people are sitting in their cars on 495 thinking "kill me now"? That would be me.

+1
Talk about soul-sucking.

Why is the answer to SAH, instead of to find a job with a shorter commute, or one that allows telecommuting?

I'm going to say this as clearly as possible, to hopefully clear up any confusion on your part. We chose to stay home with our kids because WE WANTED TO. Getting rid of a pointless, wasteful commute was merely a bonus.

Are you actually on this thread with the intention of making us all feel like we should be WOHMs again? How would you react if we were trying to persuade you to SAH against your wishes? It really seems so many of you never learned what feminism really means. Hint: it doesn't mean WOH just to prove some sort of point.

Then why talk about the commute as soul sucking? Why single that part of WOH out? If you SAH because you wanted to, I am not sure what the point is in posting with a bunch of other SAHMs just to agree that SAH is not boring but very fulfilling.

Yes. We know you don't understand. Might I suggest just closing this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

They do have that choice, they just don't exercise it as often.

And why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

I was hoping you had a plan for your life when you started SAH. And you're certainly not going to go back to a career after being at home for 15+ years.

Maybe you can mentor her or someone like her when she goes back to working full time. Isn't that what we should do as women, support each other's choices? It's okay to like what you do, and no one choice is more valid than another. Stop resenting other women. We are individuals. And let's reject ALL of the patriarchal molds, from mandatory housewife to corporate power-drone. Balance is everything in a happy life and healthy society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

They do have that choice, they just don't exercise it as often.

And why is that?

Conditioned to think it is not valuable. Just like you. I happen to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

Wow! A few things are crystal clear, just from reading your post.
1. Your marriage sounds incredibly tense and passive aggressive. Not to mention, sad and strange.
2. You're projecting your baggage onto people with much healthier marriages.

In my family, we ALL pick the vacation destination and then I get the fun of planning it, which I love.
When my husband goes on a business trip, he's the first to try and make it as short as possible because he'd rather just come home. Unless I go with him on said trip, however, which I do about once or twice a year. Then he definitely takes some extra vacation days that we can enjoy together. You should try it sometime!