Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

I spent 30 plus years as working mom. Then I got laid off and now I work part time while staying at home. I'm not bored. I realize that I was way overextended while trying to raise kids and work full time and that it almost ruined my mental health for good. The expectation that women can take on full time jobs while still performing most of their traditional roles is, in my view, nothing short of abuse. You can say that men should take on half of the home roles but that doesn't work for most of us. Meanwhile, men have come to expect women who can "do it all" and still be hot in the bedroom.

I don't take on most of the traditional mom role in my house. You're right, not enough hours in the day or energy. We outsource or let a lot drop. My home is not decorated, I buy my kids' clothes on line. My husband does much more than almost any husband I know. I don't cook much. And I feel no guilt! And in terms of being hot in the bedroom, I am, but that's because I have a high sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's okay to be bored. Beats the hell out of stressing.

I never had time to be bored. Kids, husband, cooking, cleaning, shopping, running here and there, hobbies, lunches. I never knew true and complete serenity until the kids left home.

When someone asks what I do all day I say whatever I want. I LOVE MY LIFE. MY BORING LIFE.

Hi, PP! You are me in 17 years. Wish me luck!

And congrats to you. Enjoy your well-earned boredom.

I prefer stress to boredom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

A lot of people do a crappy job. Someone needs to take on the heavy lifting of raising children properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's okay to be bored. Beats the hell out of stressing.

I never had time to be bored. Kids, husband, cooking, cleaning, shopping, running here and there, hobbies, lunches. I never knew true and complete serenity until the kids left home.

When someone asks what I do all day I say whatever I want. I LOVE MY LIFE. MY BORING LIFE.

Hi, PP! You are me in 17 years. Wish me luck!

And congrats to you. Enjoy your well-earned boredom.

I prefer stress to boredom.

Ok. That's for that info!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

+1,000,000
I think there's only a tiny subset of people who believe otherwise, and they happen to be some of the WOHMs on DCUM. They didn't get the memo.

Please, we all love our kids but don't pretend that having and caring for your own kids is not a selfish act. This is a pretty well established perspective

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11078059/Is-it-selfish-to-want-children.html

This has got to be one of the most idiotic posts yet. "Caring for your OWN children can be considered selfish"??? That anyone would even entertain such a moronic thought just shows how far some people will go to justify leaving their small children with others, all day everyday. And no, that's *not* a "well established perspective."

Honestly, DCUM never fails to make me feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

+1,000,000
I think there's only a tiny subset of people who believe otherwise, and they happen to be some of the WOHMs on DCUM. They didn't get the memo.

Please, we all love our kids but don't pretend that having and caring for your own kids is not a selfish act. This is a pretty well established perspective

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11078059/Is-it-selfish-to-want-children.html

This has got to be one of the most idiotic posts yet. "Caring for your OWN children can be considered selfish"??? That anyone would even entertain such a moronic thought just shows how far some people will go to justify leaving their small children with others, all day everyday. And no, that's *not* a "well established perspective."

Honestly, DCUM never fails to make me feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.

+1 Lol. Mind blown for today. Thanks DCUM!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Feminism is alive and well. Living the reality of being a full time working mom and (statistically, usually) the default parent too? No thanks! Feminism did (and does) give me lots of choices and I'm glad.

THIS x 1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

Here's the thing--feminism/womanism is not just about having choices--it's about having the same quality choices as men. The fact of the matter is that most SAH parents (even on DCUM) do not have the financial freedom that working spouses do. (Of course, there are the few financially independent spouses--for them, SAH is a totally different reality.) None of this matters IF your marriage is solid, but many marriages are not, and SAH spouses who are financially dependent do not truly have the same "choices" or financial independence that the working spouse has. You can share your anecdata, but the argument that SAH is all about "choices" is a half-baked argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Life IS mundane minutiae. A bunch of boring, routine moments with sprinkling of excitement. I know so many people who go to work every day thinking, I’m so bored; kill me now!

and the 2+ hours in traffic five days a week? Now that's a life waster. How many people are sitting in their cars on 495 thinking "kill me now"? That would be me.

+1
Talk about soul-sucking.

Why is the answer to SAH, instead of to find a job with a shorter commute, or one that allows telecommuting?

I'm going to say this as clearly as possible, to hopefully clear up any confusion on your part. We chose to stay home with our kids because WE WANTED TO. Getting rid of a pointless, wasteful commute was merely a bonus.

Are you actually on this thread with the intention of making us all feel like we should be WOHMs again? How would you react if we were trying to persuade you to SAH against your wishes? It really seems so many of you never learned what feminism really means. Hint: it doesn't mean WOH just to prove some sort of point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

+100
I'm thinking there are some very dense and defensive women here who simply don't "approve" of SAHMs, so they try and couch their disdain in terms of feminism. They're really looking foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

OMG, I must be superwoman! I do all the above plus I am also a working mom.
But good for you, PP.

And you win the competition! Even though you're the only ones who actually look at life as a competition! So... congratulations, or something?

I guess that may be one difference. I do think it's better to have a healthy family, a good career, volunteer, maintain friendships and keep up with exercise that just doing some of those things.

Okay. So do those things. Btw, why are you on this thread?,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Oh, that's rich. Because there have NEVER been threads like that, ever!

This is a great thread, precisely because it lets us SAHMs talk about why we love being SAHMs. It was one of the happiest threads I can recall reading, until the usual bitters barged in. I'm perplexed as to why you WOHMs wandered over in the first place. Was it the "stay at home mom" in the title that triggered you, and you simply couldn't stop that finger from clicking on it? It's like you guys have an itch that you just have to scratch, and the only way you can is by seeking out all mentions of SAHMs and then dumping on them. Insecure? Very much so.

And really, please tell us you're not serious that there haven't been multiple (usually, weekly) threads whose sole purpose is to bring WOHMs together to "gloat" about why they love their jobs and why they'd NEVER want to SAHMs. Because, you know - we can all read for ourselves.

Why do you need a thread to let SAHMs talk about what they love about puttering around the house and not having to answer to a boss? It's patently obvious that SAHMs do it because they prefer hands on kid raising seven days a week and domestic life to working for pay. End of thread.

You're funny. Why on earth wouldn't you simply skip a thread that doesn't interest you? What made you decide to comment and why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

A lot of people do a crappy job. Someone needs to take on the heavy lifting of raising children properly.

Some of us can raise wonderful children and still use full time daycare. Lucky? Sure. Impossible? Not at all. What suffers is our female friendships because family, work and maybe exercise can fit in but not much else. The SAHMs in my neighborhood are very tight, due to having spent years together when the WOHMs were furthering their careers.