Inheritance debacle. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larla/OP, are you and your family middle class African Americans? If so, I can totally believe that everything you've described is real - "traditional" man who respects his wife's family money/earned wages, is hard on his son to be a good earner but soft on his daughter; the middle aged woman who has multiple college degrees but chose to stay at home with family rather than take on adult struggles; the close relationship between auntie/godmother and niece/goddaughter. It sounds 100% believable to me from that perspective. I know several people who have this exact family dynamic.

I'm still cracking up at "flipping vs. fixing up" detective. Also at the person who seems to think that $400,000 in cash plus a $400,000 house is not a lot of assets for a woman in her 80s.

As for what Larla should do, I think that it would be reasonable to give Mary several months to find a new place - say, until March? If the house is in DC, you will have to give written notice that she has to vacate, but your lawyer can tell you more about that. I don't think that you owe this person anything. Y'all might be family, but you are not required to provide her a free ride for the next 30+ years of her life. You are not responsible for anyone's choices but your own. If you are feeling especially generous, you could foot the bill for the deposit and movers to the new apartment, but that's as far as I'd personally be willing to go.

Op here,
At this point in sure if anyone recognized the family dynamic from my post, my identity is already out. Yes, The dynamic you described is pretty accurate .

I'm the poster who has said four times now to evict Mary and move on and I knew you were black. I'm black too. Get your life girl. Mary should have used what she got to make her one.

Yep. I kind of saw this as well. Your story sounds very similar to the story of my grandmother and great aunt. Also, maybe folks here don't think 800k in assets is a lot of money or considered wealthy, but most AA families would definitely consider that sum as wealthy, RICH even.

And those posters are assuming that the op was listing all of the assets. There could easily be another 50k each being doled out to 10 other people, but that isn't relevant to the op's question so there was no need to bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, consult a lawyer and get the process going to get Mary out. It's been a long time since I was in law school, but the longer you let her live there, rent free, the harder it will be to get her out. Don't let her talk about moving into the master suite of YOUR house without you saying anything about it.

Your godmother left the house to YOU. If she had wanted to leave it to Mary, she would have done so. Mary has a degree and a job and it is time for you to be an adult and take control of the situation. This thread has gone on forever, stop thinking about it and start taking action. Even if you ultimately decide to let her move back in and pay rent (which I would strongly advice against!!), you've gotta get her or before she can claim adverse possession of the house.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lawyer would be able to give good advice about whether or not there would be tax implications. There might not be any, depending on the facts of the situation. They should all be talking to lawyers.

We don't really know that it was Thelma's idea to leave the house to Larla. And it does sound like a lot of the family's wealth was generated by Thelma's husband's hard work. I bet his pay checks and maybe his own physical labor were used over the years for repairs and general upkeep of the family home. He wasn't sitting around doing nothing all day.

And yes, how I feel surely is irrelevant to Larla, and I mentioned above that I didn't think it was. However, I do think a lot of people would feel uncomfortable about walking away with so much more of the family wealth than the actual immediate family of the deceased. I certainly would not want to live in that house under these circumstances, I just don't think I'd be able to feel happy there.

1) She is actual family. Her godmother is also her aunt.
2) You really have no reason to doubt the authenticity of the will, PP. You just want to believe that someone is up to no good. That says a lot more about you than anyone in the situation.
3) It sounds to me like the family's wealth was generated BY THE FAMILY. Two adults who worked. One adult who brought significant assets to the marriage (a house and a bunch of money that they invested and added to AS A FAMILY). The husband predeceased Thelma, leaving the family estate to her. No one said he wasn't doing anything. He worked. But she was the one who brought the initial money and the house to the marriage. If anything, it sounds to me like the husband simply contributed to wealth that his wife brought to the marriage.
4) I would feel uncomfortable kicking my cousin out of the house in these circumstances, but I would still do it. I would try to find a solution for her, but based on everything we've heard about her history and general personality, I don't think she goes quietly. In any case, your feelings about the situation are clearly clouding your ability to even think of it objectively. Did someone "steal" your inheritance, PP? Is that why you're taking this so personally?

[Anonymous]

I think we've been told some truths.

I also think we've been told some lies.

I think there's been some embellishment, some distorting of facts and some creative histories invented or reinterpreted. And some information likely omitted. Even with the African American background, some of what has been told doesn't add up in a believable way and there are inconsistencies. Primarily to portray the OP and Thelma in the best possible light, both from a legal and moral perspective.

A previous post rightly pointed out that it's the estate lawyer and executor's responsibility to handle Mary. If the house is legally Larla, it's hers. If she's coming on here five months after the funeral and asking for advice and Mary is still in the house, then there's probably more that we aren't being told.

This is my view, of course. OP, good luck in whatever happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer some questions:

1. My godmother was in perfect mental and very good physical health. She frequently took solo cruises and road trips. For example, one day she called me from upstate NY to tell me she drove up there to spend time with an old friend. Not sure why you all insist on the fact that she was some feeble minded frail old woman who was deliriously laying in bed having someone drag her hand across the signature line on the will.

2. I have heard with my own ears, my godmother telling her daughter that she shouldn't be so entitled (in a discussion about inheritance) and that she shouldn't expect to inherit much. My godmother was quite wealthy (independently, not through her late DH) but didn't like to let on that she had money. She only did big purchases at Christmas, birthdays and special occasions like graduations, so no one saw her throwing money around on the regular.

3. As much as I don't want to leave Mary without a home, why is it the "moral" thing to split the proceeds of the house with her? Not arguing, just wondering. What's to stop Roy from saying he wants a cut too?

Totally believe you re 1 and 2. Re 3, I suggested earlier that you give both Mary and Roy a cut since they were her children. It's the moral thing to do because for whatever reason, Mary doesn't seem to be able to take care of herself, and it is very hard for a 50 year old to change much or find a good job. The time for tough love for Mary was earlier in her life when she had a better shot at success. Now, she really needs a place to live that she won't get evicted from. Instead, for you, keeping the whole thing is like winning the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the moral thing to do because for whatever reason, Mary doesn't seem to be able to take care of herself, and it is very hard for a 50 year old to change much or find a good job. The time for tough love for Mary was earlier in her life when she had a better shot at success. Now, she really needs a place to live that she won't get evicted from. Instead, for you, keeping the whole thing is like winning the lottery.

But Mary has already received an inheritance from her mother. She got a $100k cash payout plus a car. She is also working and has been living there for free. While I know from experience that waitressing is not a lucrative profession, when you have no rent or utilities or food expenses, it's essentially all fun money. I truly don't see why OP should sacrifice her inheritance because her cousin (who also inherited six figures and a car) is not able to support herself at age 50.

And Roy shouldn't factor into this at all. He got his $100k.

[Anonymous]

Not OP here, but PP, would you change your thinking if Mary was an addict or is financially reckless? If she is either, she has the ability to lose the house and everything her family has worked for, no matter how much she is left.

Thelma worked hard and it sounds like she also appreciated how hard her family worked and wanted the family to hold on to the wealth to benefit them all in the future. If her daughter was/is reckless all of it can be gone in a few years. So she chose the person who is responsible and would likely build on what is already there, and that's Larla.

If Larla gives her more, Mary can blow through that too, and then still need help. Giving the house or more money to Mary does not necessarily guarantee she will have security in her old age.

Larla, go see a lawyer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lawyer would be able to give good advice about whether or not there would be tax implications. There might not be any, depending on the facts of the situation. They should all be talking to lawyers.

We don't really know that it was Thelma's idea to leave the house to Larla. And it does sound like a lot of the family's wealth was generated by Thelma's husband's hard work. I bet his pay checks and maybe his own physical labor were used over the years for repairs and general upkeep of the family home. He wasn't sitting around doing nothing all day.

And yes, how I feel surely is irrelevant to Larla, and I mentioned above that I didn't think it was. However, I do think a lot of people would feel uncomfortable about walking away with so much more of the family wealth than the actual immediate family of the deceased. I certainly would not want to live in that house under these circumstances, I just don't think I'd be able to feel happy there.

1) She is actual family. Her godmother is also her aunt.
2) You really have no reason to doubt the authenticity of the will, PP. You just want to believe that someone is up to no good. That says a lot more about you than anyone in the situation.
3) It sounds to me like the family's wealth was generated BY THE FAMILY. Two adults who worked. One adult who brought significant assets to the marriage (a house and a bunch of money that they invested and added to AS A FAMILY). The husband predeceased Thelma, leaving the family estate to her. No one said he wasn't doing anything. He worked. But she was the one who brought the initial money and the house to the marriage. If anything, it sounds to me like the husband simply contributed to wealth that his wife brought to the marriage.
4) I would feel uncomfortable kicking my cousin out of the house in these circumstances, but I would still do it. I would try to find a solution for her, but based on everything we've heard about her history and general personality, I don't think she goes quietly. In any case, your feelings about the situation are clearly clouding your ability to even think of it objectively. Did someone "steal" your inheritance, PP? Is that why you're taking this so personally?

The previous post says "actual immediate family." While Larla is actual family, in that Thelma was her great aunt, she was not immediate family. Immediate family is parents, children, grandparents/children. Larla is a more distant relative and is not in Thelma's direct line because she is Thelma's sister's grandchild. Larla and Marys father are first cousins, Mary and Larla are first cousins, once removed.

Much of the wealth was generated by the mother and father together. Thelma and her husband sound like a hard working couple who were careful with their money. Sure,it helped to start off with the house, but they would have done well without it because of their own hard work and thriftiness. Would the father have wanted the bulk of what he worked for to go to a distant relative rather than his own children?

I'm not sure why you think anyone with an opinion about a legal situation must have a personal reason for having that opinion. Do you only have opinions about situations you have been personally involved in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the moral thing to do because for whatever reason, Mary doesn't seem to be able to take care of herself, and it is very hard for a 50 year old to change much or find a good job. The time for tough love for Mary was earlier in her life when she had a better shot at success. Now, she really needs a place to live that she won't get evicted from. Instead, for you, keeping the whole thing is like winning the lottery.

But Mary has already received an inheritance from her mother. She got a $100k cash payout plus a car. She is also working and has been living there for free. While I know from experience that waitressing is not a lucrative profession, when you have no rent or utilities or food expenses, it's essentially all fun money. I truly don't see why OP should sacrifice her inheritance because her cousin (who also inherited six figures and a car) is not able to support herself at age 50.

And Roy shouldn't factor into this at all. He got his $100k.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Aside from the inconsistencies in this story, the OP seems to spend an awful lot of time on DCUM--to the point of using Larla as her pseudonym--for a childless, 24-year-old college student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from the inconsistencies in this story, the OP seems to spend an awful lot of time on DCUM--to the point of using Larla as her pseudonym--for a childless, 24-year-old college student.

We all spend too much time here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from the inconsistencies in this story, the OP seems to spend an awful lot of time on DCUM--to the point of using Larla as her pseudonym--for a childless, 24-year-old college student.

If the op replies to this thread twice a day, that isn't "a lot of time"

[Anonymous]

Interesting that Thelma's house was left to her by her own parents, yet she's unwilling to do the same for her own kid. Hmmm. Wonder how successful and wealthy she would be if she didn't have such a large nest egg and never worried about having a roof over her head. Seems a tad bit hypocritical.

But in the end, it was her house to do with what she wanted, and Larla, you should be talking to your Grandmother about putting Mary out. This isn't your responsibility, it's hers. Enjoy your inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from the inconsistencies in this story, the OP seems to spend an awful lot of time on DCUM--to the point of using Larla as her pseudonym--for a childless, 24-year-old college student.

We all spend too much time here.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that Thelma's house was left to her by her own parents, yet she's unwilling to do the same for her own kid. Hmmm. Wonder how successful and wealthy she would be if she didn't have such a large nest egg and never worried about having a roof over her head. Seems a tad bit hypocritical.

But in the end, it was her house to do with what she wanted, and Larla, you should be talking to your Grandmother about putting Mary out. This isn't your responsibility, it's hers. Enjoy your inheritance.

Thelma's "kid" is 50.