SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ And you CAN do a search on that and find plenty.

It's the SAHM mantra. 8)

[Anonymous]

But see?

You're just as arrogant as the worst case scenarios from both sides.

How are you so "evolved" and different? b/c you have the best of both worlds supposedly?

You're just like the rest . . . with ego shining through.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You just lost credibility by mentioning your yoga pants . . .

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Who are these embittered hags who hate SAHMs so much? Truly eye-opening to me!

I WAH so I sort of see myself a little in both camps. I'm around during the day in my yoga pants for pickups etc but I'm not technically a SAHM. Ihave plenty of friends who've transitioned back to work -- in sales, accounting, the federal government and education -- without any difficulty (even in this economy) and I've never heard stories about getting the stinky eye or any unkind comments from the already working mothers. I think reading DCUM gives you a unique insight into the stifled hostility and bitterness that many women feel about the choices they've made. I think this is pure rage at having felt like they missed out so these moms coming back into the workforce with little difficulty drives them CRAZY. And this is the their outlet. Interesting stuff.

Sorry if I don't put on my control tops for a day in front of my computer screen in my home office.

[Anonymous]

I have to say the the WOHMs here are not doing a very good job of hiding their "envy" of SAHMs. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say the the WOHMs here are not doing a very good job of hiding their "envy" of SAHMs. Just sayin'.

The MAN is the PLAN! 8)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What would the question in the interview be? "Explain the gap in your resume?" , "Tell me about the past ten years?" Or would the interviewer simply ask about her latest office related experience?

I can't see how she could phrase an answer without referring to her children with the first two questions.

I can give you an example. My sister was a SAHM. During that time, however, she volunteered at a nonprofit and then sat on the board of one of her kids' pre-schools. She stayed at home fully for three years. She recently want back to work, and if this question was posed to her, she could answer (assuming she didn't put all of her volunteer work on her resume, but she did, so she actually didn't have a gap.):
"I was raising my children, and during that time I volunteered at XYZ, spearheaded and managed their ABC program which included a fundraiser A and gala B. I produced all of their marketing materials for these events as well as coordinated and managed all of the other volunteer efforts. Under my marketing strategy, our fundraiser was covered in This publication and showcased on This television program. The gala was spotlighted on That television show and appeared in 10 publications. Under my direction, these efforts raised $xyz. As a board member, I spearheaded 4 fundraising efforts, including....."
You get the point.
No one cares about your children. They care about whether they want to hire you for a job.

The "I was raising my children" part is where you would lose me. We all raise our children. Are you implying that the interviewer wasn't because she was working?

Agree.

And here is the basic issue (finally). Isn't this REALLY about the WOHM interviewer not wanting to feel like she didn't raise her kids? Look, work/life issues are tough choices, and maybe both SAH or WOH choices are imperfect. The only difference is that once the SAHM reenters the workforce, the WOHM has a mommy-powerplay moment. I think some of us on this thread are reacting to the nastiness of a WOHM/interviewer enjoying the opportunity to mock the SAHM reentering the workforce.

I stayed at home with my kids and re-entered the workforce after a number of years. I kept up my skills and even did some freelance jobs to keep up my resume. Nevertheless, interviewing with women was uncomfortable many times because of these issues. I hate to say it but men were much more non-plussed about the time away from a corporate job.

nonplussed does not mean what you think it means.

nonplussed= unperturbed. it is exactly what I think it means

[Anonymous]

Two candidates:
Candidate A - SAHM/SAHD for ten years
Candidate B - Worked at 9 different companies in ten years

Which person would you hire? I think it all depends on who you are up against.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nonplussed= unperturbed. it is exactly what I think it means

That usage has only emerged in the past dozen years or so. The original meaning, and the one that most people consider to be correct, is the opposite of what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wasn't always ON our team. That's the difference. So the camaraderie among WOHMs was already built. When you've been in the workforce all that time - w/o stepping out - you see things differently.

I've seen so many SAHMs throw themselves into school activities - running the auction, becoming volunteer coordinator, assisting with lunch duty. I've always said that if they could take that energy and put it into a job, they'd become CEOs in no time. So many substitute volunteering for work. why? It's a way to shine w/o the pressure of really performing. It's also an excuse to NOT work b/c you're so instrumental in ensuring your child's school is run well.

Anonymous wrote:When you are offended (or making the choice to feel insulted) by a SAHM who says quite honestly "I stayed at home to raise my kids" then YOU are creating the controversy where there is none!

I totally agree with the WOHMs who advise SAHMs not to talk on and on about their kids in an interview. Fair point. But, to assume a judgment or insult from someone who is talking about HER own choices... well, that's just making it all about you when it's not about you.

I have been asked several times in different interviews "how old are your kids." They know I have kids b/c of the gap and my explanation of what I was doing. The interviewers are the ones trying to bring in more info. about the kids.... and then they are subtly calculating if the kids still young and going to cause a problem for the employer.

If a person says she decided to stay home and take care of her kids it is NOT the same thing as judging all WOHMs for not taking care of their kids. It's not about the the WOHM!

Lastly, you would think that a person who WOH, would be thrilled to see the arch-enemy (SAHM) trying to follow in the WOHM's footsteps! Here is a person from the "opposing" team trying to join your team, and all you can do is insult the person who wants to join your team???? You insult the SAHMs for staying at home, but when they try to be WOHMs you want to kick them back into their corner (which you sarcastically deride).

Seriously. Think about your logic if you are one of the WOHMs who is slamming on the SAHMs trying to get jobs. And try to let go of the perceived attacks, b/c I've never heard SAHMs insulting WOHMs in real life. Ever.

Let's see to the PP quoted on the top (the WOHM): you say that if the SAHMs would put their energy into a job rather than to volunteer activities, that "they'd become CEOs in no time." You're right, but someone would need to HIRE her first. Maybe that's where all the WOHM animosity comes from. You don't want to hire someone who could rise to that level (especially after that woman has stayed at home). After all, wouldn't that mean the she could 1) raise her children and 2) succeed at work? How horrible for you if that type of track was actually available to women. That would mean that working/staying at home didn't need to be an all or nothing proposition. Could it be that, you MUST deny the SAHM the opportunity to return to work and succeed there? Because if she returns and succeeds then, by definition she would have achieved it ALL/the holy grail: staying at home when the kids needed her and achieving at work despite that choice. How, then, would you feel about having missed the opportunity (one that can never be recreated, btw) to be with your children when they are little? Wouldn't you feel like you had gotten a raw deal by staying at work (most likely to make sure you didn't lose your career, etc.) if some SAHM comes along and is accepted back into the workplace and succeeds when she is there. By holding the SAHM down, you WOHM/interviewer perpetuate the all or nothing paradigm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two candidates:
Candidate A - SAHM/SAHD for ten years
Candidate B - Worked at 9 different companies in ten years

Which person would you hire? I think it all depends on who you are up against.

A. I don't like job hoppers, but then again I've had no turn over in 5 years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nonplussed= unperturbed. it is exactly what I think it means

That usage has only emerged in the past dozen years or so. The original meaning, and the one that most people consider to be correct, is the opposite of what you think.

Look it up in the dictionary sister. Whether you like it or not, it is correct usage. Honestly, when you try to slam someone and make yourself feel superior, you should at least be right. Better luck next time. Maybe you need a SAHM to tutor you in the English language. Hopefully she can meet you on your day off work.

[Anonymous]

This thread has a lot of useful information for women trying to return to the workforce, but also lots of unhelpful stuff (insults etc.). I would be interested if SAHM's are really exposed to this type of scrunity when they try to return to work. I was home with DC for about one year and then returned to work. This was about four years ago. I went on 3 interviews and was offered two jobs, but nobody really asked me why I stayed home etc. We generally talked about the job, what it entails and what would be expected of me and how my past experience and skills would fit with the job. The only thing in regards to 'children' that I was asked is about childcare arrangements which I thought was an acceptable question. In addition, my previous two employers were contacted for references.

Now, I'm not an attorney, but just an Administrative Assistant (a good one though...), so maybe it is a different story when you have a more 'high-profile' career. I consider myself a happy Career Admin Assistant.

Maybe some former SAHM's who have recently reentered the workforce could post and share their experiences?

[Anonymous]

Can't rely to this shit now. DH and I are watching Da Dirty Dozen and I owe him a blow job, but I'll get back to you.

[Anonymous]

The hypersensitivity in this thread is astounding. In most cases, someone saying they stayed home to raise their kids has nothing to do with you. It is not implying anything- no one is talking about you, no one is slamming you- they are simply stating what they did (or currently do). All this "so you are saying I don't raise my kids" is ridiculous.

Get over your animosity or guilt and find something else to gripe about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The hypersensitivity in this thread is astounding. In most cases, someone saying they stayed home to raise their kids has nothing to do with you. It is not implying anything- no one is talking about you, no one is slamming you- they are simply stating what they did (or currently do). All this "so you are saying I don't raise my kids" is ridiculous.

Get over your animosity or guilt and find something else to gripe about.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh really ? You've never heard a SAHM say to a WOHM at preschool dropoff, "It must be so hard to work when you have small children"? My response was, "No, actually, it's not because I'm high energy and organized."

What an annoying response. Do you need to imply an insult to SAHMs in your response? I would never assume that "It must be so hard to work when you have small children" is an insult - my SIL has said that to me and I took it as a compliment - like, "wow, you have your act together, way to rise up to the challenge."