SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree with these posts but you women need to get your shit together. Collectively, you are a mess. Such hatred spewed against each other on DCUM. Damn I'm glad to be a man and don't have to deal with this trivial shit everyday.

Enjoy yourselves ladies.

Yes, because in this day and age, men don't stay home at all to raise kids. Never ever.

And in this economy, you'll never risk losing your job, especially when posting on DCUM in the middle of the day. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree with these posts but you women need to get your shit together. Collectively, you are a mess. Such hatred spewed against each other on DCUM. Damn I'm glad to be a man and don't have to deal with this trivial shit everyday.

Enjoy yourselves ladies.

Just watch out if you ever decide to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Who the f--k would say this stuff, really? Have you really had SAHMs interview for positions and spout this ridiculous stuff? Or is this just hypothetical (and another mean-spirited attack). "

Happens a lot.

I'll tell you why this happens a lot. A woman who SAH for 10 years is justifiably proud of her commitment to her children, and she's spent all that time talking to family and friends, who give her positive feedback for that. Often, she hasn't made the mental switch that an interview is a hard core work event where she should be selling herself for what she can do for the employer, not be seeking back pats as is common in social chitchat.

To me it demonstrates someone who lacks the social skills to realize that she may or may not be interviewing and working with someone who made drastically different choices with regard to their personal lives. It's a personality flaw, and I don't think it's a product of staying at home for too long.

It's not just a personality flaw, it betrays possible inflexibility and self centeredness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh - and I give 30 minutes for an interview. If you want to waste that time with what Aiden said yesterday....then by all means. Go for it.

I have a person who is coming in after you with a JD who HAS spent the past 10 years working will spend 30 minutes telling me exactly how she is perfect for the job.

My point exactly. Thank you for saying it so succintly.

[Anonymous]

"Please do not submit a resume with a 10+ year gap and then tell me in your cover letter that you were off rearing children."

Huh? I was a SAHM for eleven years and then went back to work, and obviously I explained that the gap was because I was home with my children--good grief, what else would explain a gap that large?! Do I want them to think I was vacationing for eleven years? In prison? In outer space? You get the picture. Obviously, then I went on to discuss how I was a good fit for the job (which they must have agreed with, since I was hired), but not to mention it in passing is just absurd. ("Although I have been home with my children for a number of years, I am now eager to return to the workforce, etc., etc.")

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but how is it NOT idiotic to boast about your decision to stay home in an interview? The likelihood is that you are interviewing with people who did not choose to do that and you are insulting them by saying things like the PPs quoted. It's actually really good advice for SAHMs re-entering the workforce to think about. Be careful what you say, the workforce is going to be a much more diverse place than you've been used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wow, and they say women aren't supportive of each others choices.

Here's a thought for the interviewers out there: perhaps you should have a bit of compassion knowing that the woman in front of you realizes that she's at risk of ridicule for her choice to stay home. Maybe she's nervous that her choice to SAH (which she probably agonized over at some point) will now be used against her. If it's so had to muster this compassion, perhaps you might think of the time(s) that a SAHM saved your ass by picking up your kid when you were working late, watched your kid on the playground, or in some other way pitched in for you. Wouldn't that be so much better than being an embittered hag waiting for your chance to mock this woman's choice?

NP here - sorry, but I don't hire people out of compassion. I hire them because they'll be good at the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Please do not submit a resume with a 10+ year gap and then tell me in your cover letter that you were off rearing children."

Huh? I was a SAHM for eleven years and then went back to work, and obviously I explained that the gap was because I was home with my children--good grief, what else would explain a gap that large?! Do I want them to think I was vacationing for eleven years? In prison? In outer space? You get the picture. Obviously, then I went on to discuss how I was a good fit for the job (which they must have agreed with, since I was hired), but not to mention it in passing is just absurd. ("Although I have been home with my children for a number of years, I am now eager to return to the workforce, etc., etc.")

What? 8)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Please do not submit a resume with a 10+ year gap and then tell me in your cover letter that you were off rearing children."

Huh? I was a SAHM for eleven years and then went back to work, and obviously I explained that the gap was because I was home with my children--good grief, what else would explain a gap that large?! Do I want them to think I was vacationing for eleven years? In prison? In outer space? You get the picture. Obviously, then I went on to discuss how I was a good fit for the job (which they must have agreed with, since I was hired), but not to mention it in passing is just absurd. ("Although I have been home with my children for a number of years, I am now eager to return to the workforce, etc., etc.")

Why even mention it at all? Wasn't that covered in your application materials? If you brought it up, it would be fair game for me to ask you if you had childcare in place, understood that occasionally the job required hours outside the normal working day. Are you going to explain why after 11 years off, you are suddenly eager to return to paid work, for reasons other than $$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, that's just weird. I've heard interesting things from people in interviews about their kids, or really, about how parenting has taught them things etc. I wouldn't say the subject should be taboo, but it needs to be relevant. Then again, if the interviewer doesn't have kids they're not going to understand what you're saying or they might find you annoying. Do you have kids?

There's a time and a place for everything. A resume is a tool to get you an interview. An interview is a tool to get you a job. Your first focus in that interview is to get the job. That means be as professional as possible. Look to your interviewer to give you clues whether you to change tacks. In most of the interviews that I've conducted over the years (I've been out of management for a few years now, but was there for many years), I sometimes only had a small amount of time for an interview (like if a candidate was interviewing several managers in the building for several positions, or if I had several people coming in in 10 minutes to do a joint technical review portion, or if she needed to get back to HR by some specific time, etc) and I want to focus on the things I need to know if I am going to hire you. And your childcare skills are usually not in that. Would you like to lose a position even though you were the best qualified because I never found out you were the best qualified because we spent time chatting about raising children or your kids or making you more comfortable with your first interview in 10 years? My usual program is to start with basic introductions and short getting to know you chat. Then to a description of the job that you are applying for and then have you describe to me your skills and knowledge and how they pertain to the job I'm trying to fill. After the technical/skill portion, then we can talk about flexibility, what type of time commitment, customer demands, time off, benefits, etc (only the ones I'm familiar with, others will be deferred for you to talk with HR). And finally, if all of that is done and we have time to continue chatting, we can socialize and learn those interesting things about kids, parenting, avocations, interests. I think that of several dozen interviews, I had the time for that in maybe half or slightly less than half of the interviews.

[Anonymous]

I want to spend all 30 minutes being wowed by your technical proficiency and speaking/social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but how is it NOT idiotic to boast about your decision to stay home in an interview? The likelihood is that you are interviewing with people who did not choose to do that and you are insulting them by saying things like the PPs quoted. It's actually really good advice for SAHMs re-entering the workforce to think about. Be careful what you say, the workforce is going to be a much more diverse place than you've been used to.

I'm the PP (SAHM for 11 years and now working). I don't consider it "boasting" to explain a gap on a resume. BTW, not only was I hired, but I also negotiated a family-friendly schedule. Yes, after eleven years. Oh, and I also have pictures of my kids at my desk and talk about them all the time during chitchat time at coffee breaks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Please do not submit a resume with a 10+ year gap and then tell me in your cover letter that you were off rearing children."

Huh? I was a SAHM for eleven years and then went back to work, and obviously I explained that the gap was because I was home with my children--good grief, what else would explain a gap that large?! Do I want them to think I was vacationing for eleven years? In prison? In outer space? You get the picture. Obviously, then I went on to discuss how I was a good fit for the job (which they must have agreed with, since I was hired), but not to mention it in passing is just absurd. ("Although I have been home with my children for a number of years, I am now eager to return to the workforce, etc., etc.")

It should have been in your cover letter. Assume the person behind the desk read that cover letter and still brought you in for an interview. If they want to discuss it more, they'll ask. If not, focus on the job being filled and your fit for it. As a PP pointed out, if you bring it up in the interview, you may lead to more discussion about your choice and how it applies to the job and less into talk about the job itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I agree with these posts but you women need to get your shit together. Collectively, you are a mess. Such hatred spewed against each other on DCUM. Damn I'm glad to be a man and don't have to deal with this trivial shit everyday.

Enjoy yourselves ladies.

This is exactly why I only like working for men and don't have a single woman on my team. Crazy ass bitches out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but how is it NOT idiotic to boast about your decision to stay home in an interview? The likelihood is that you are interviewing with people who did not choose to do that and you are insulting them by saying things like the PPs quoted. It's actually really good advice for SAHMs re-entering the workforce to think about. Be careful what you say, the workforce is going to be a much more diverse place than you've been used to.

I'm the PP (SAHM for 11 years and now working). I don't consider it "boasting" to explain a gap on a resume. BTW, not only was I hired, but I also negotiated a family-friendly schedule. Yes, after eleven years. Oh, and I also have pictures of my kids at my desk and talk about them all the time during chitchat time at coffee breaks, etc.

I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the people that say things like "My kids were my first priority so I took a break". Who says that crap and expects not to offend?