SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh really ? You've never heard a SAHM say to a WOHM at preschool dropoff, "It must be so hard to work when you have small children"? My response was, "No, actually, it's not because I'm high energy and organized."

I'm at work by 7 am but available for pick up. So I often ask if they've met my nanny.

no guilt . . .

In fact, she's so good, I brag about her.

[Anonymous]

Just got back from tennis and lunch and see you girls are still at it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just got back from tennis and lunch and see you girls are still at it!

oh

a SAHM with no ambition

Thanks for sharing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you bitter bitches still bickering?

Said the metrosexual

nope, said the working mom who is eternally grateful to work in a male dominated industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you are offended (or making the choice to feel insulted) by a SAHM who says quite honestly "I stayed at home to raise my kids" then YOU are creating the controversy where there is none!

I totally agree with the WOHMs who advise SAHMs not to talk on and on about their kids in an interview. Fair point. But, to assume a judgment or insult from someone who is talking about HER own choices... well, that's just making it all about you when it's not about you.

I have been asked several times in different interviews "how old are your kids." They know I have kids b/c of the gap and my explanation of what I was doing. The interviewers are the ones trying to bring in more info. about the kids.... and then they are subtly calculating if the kids still young and going to cause a problem for the employer.

If a person says she decided to stay home and take care of her kids it is NOT the same thing as judging all WOHMs for not taking care of their kids. It's not about the the WOHM!

Lastly, you would think that a person who WOH, would be thrilled to see the arch-enemy (SAHM) trying to follow in the WOHM's footsteps! Here is a person from the "opposing" team trying to join your team, and all you can do is insult the person who wants to join your team???? You insult the SAHMs for staying at home, but when they try to be WOHMs you want to kick them back into their corner (which you sarcastically deride).

Seriously. Think about your logic if you are one of the WOHMs who is slamming on the SAHMs trying to get jobs. And try to let go of the perceived attacks, b/c I've never heard SAHMs insulting WOHMs in real life. Ever.

No, you, the SAHM are creating the drama by introducing something completely irrelevant to the interview for the job along with a judgmental statement. How is the fact that you "stayed at home to raise your kids" at all relevant to your job? If you must, you can say that you left the work force to take care of family matters. In jobs that I've interviewed for, I can't always afford someone who doesn't realize that there are certain topics that are landmines that should not be stepped on. If that's your idea of a neutral statement that is MY problem and not yours, then you are probably not a fit for my job. I hire people who work on-site at a client's site and always have to be aware of what they are saying because they represent my company at the client's site. Wrong or inappropriate statements, regardless of the intention can cost us by having us audited, having our semiannual review to be rated lower and possibly cost us some of a review period bonus. I need people more perceptive than that to work at the clients' sites. Now, granted my type of situation may be the minority, but in this job market, do you want to rule out certain jobs, even a small minority because you have to make a statement about your family in a work setting? I think that SAHM's are well advised to not mention their families until they are used to a work environment, know what the attitude is towards family discussions and know where and when is appropriate to discuss family, otherwise they'll find that their options may be even more limited than they start out.

Don't mention family until the interviewer gives you an appropriate opening. If asked why you were out of the workforce, that is usually a lead-in to "what have you done in the last X years to maintain your skills?" Not "what did you do in the last X years that has nothing to do with this job?" I personally would answer "What have you done in the last 10 years?" with "Well, I've taken a night school course in blah, blah, blah, and am a regular participant in the Acme Companies Forum on X technology to keep abreast of X developments." If you must, say "While I was out taking care of family matters, I took a night school course and blah, blah, blah."

[Anonymous]

The fact that working moms are so prevalent in the workforce is what is paving the way for the SAHM to return to work in the first place (though I would argue a 10 year gap is really, really tough in this economy). If every mom dropped out of the workforce than grad schools and companies would not want to hire women like they do now. The reason that ageism exists is because companies hire for the potential. Women have now shown we are worth hiring because many stay in the workforce after getting married, and after having kids, and thus live up to that potential.

I'm not sure how that helps the SAHM re-entering. It's not like she should say, "thank you for paving the way for me!" in an interview. But it may shed some insight into why it is contentious.

I'm a WOHM and I'd like to think that I'd give a SAHM a fair chance if I was hiring. For one, she might be more refreshed and motivated after taking some time off. And she may not have young kids anymore if she's taken a few years off. The fact is it just a harder time for ANYONE to get a job these days. If only more companies would retain talented women and not push them out of the workforce (because I do think some women are pushed out and not just pulled by wanting to be with their kids). If there were more flexibility, better policies, etc., these problems would be less daunting.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Who are these embittered hags who hate SAHMs so much? Truly eye-opening to me!

I WAH so I sort of see myself a little in both camps. I'm around during the day in my yoga pants for pickups etc but I'm not technically a SAHM. Ihave plenty of friends who've transitioned back to work -- in sales, accounting, the federal government and education -- without any difficulty (even in this economy) and I've never heard stories about getting the stinky eye or any unkind comments from the already working mothers. I think reading DCUM gives you a unique insight into the stifled hostility and bitterness that many women feel about the choices they've made. I think this is pure rage at having felt like they missed out so these moms coming back into the workforce with little difficulty drives them CRAZY. And this is the their outlet. Interesting stuff.

[Anonymous]

You just lost credibility by mentioning your yoga pants . . .

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Who are these embittered hags who hate SAHMs so much? Truly eye-opening to me!

I WAH so I sort of see myself a little in both camps. I'm around during the day in my yoga pants for pickups etc but I'm not technically a SAHM. Ihave plenty of friends who've transitioned back to work -- in sales, accounting, the federal government and education -- without any difficulty (even in this economy) and I've never heard stories about getting the stinky eye or any unkind comments from the already working mothers. I think reading DCUM gives you a unique insight into the stifled hostility and bitterness that many women feel about the choices they've made. I think this is pure rage at having felt like they missed out so these moms coming back into the workforce with little difficulty drives them CRAZY. And this is the their outlet. Interesting stuff.

[Anonymous]

Wow, amazing how posters will twist information so that they can make a silly point. No one is arguing that SAHMs have difficulty rejoing the workforce just that SAHM who want to rejoined should try not to focus too much on why they left in the first place and instead focus on their experience and what (in anything) they did to keep up to date in their profession. This seems like a no brainer to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, amazing how posters will twist information so that they can make a silly point. No one is arguing that SAHMs have difficulty rejoing the workforce just that SAHM who want to rejoined should try not to focus too much on why they left in the first place and instead focus on their experience and what (in anything) they did to keep up to date in their profession. This seems like a no brainer to me.

You must be new around here. A great many posters on many threads have said this very thing including memorable posts like, Remind me to never hire a SAHM again. This is the undercurrent of all this contempt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just lost credibility by mentioning your yoga pants . . .

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Who are these embittered hags who hate SAHMs so much? Truly eye-opening to me!

I WAH so I sort of see myself a little in both camps. I'm around during the day in my yoga pants for pickups etc but I'm not technically a SAHM. Ihave plenty of friends who've transitioned back to work -- in sales, accounting, the federal government and education -- without any difficulty (even in this economy) and I've never heard stories about getting the stinky eye or any unkind comments from the already working mothers. I think reading DCUM gives you a unique insight into the stifled hostility and bitterness that many women feel about the choices they've made. I think this is pure rage at having felt like they missed out so these moms coming back into the workforce with little difficulty drives them CRAZY. And this is the their outlet. Interesting stuff.

Sorry if I don't put on my control tops for a day in front of my computer screen in my home office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, amazing how posters will twist information so that they can make a silly point. No one is arguing that SAHMs have difficulty rejoing the workforce just that SAHM who want to rejoined should try not to focus too much on why they left in the first place and instead focus on their experience and what (in anything) they did to keep up to date in their profession. This seems like a no brainer to me.

You must be new around here. A great many posters on many threads have said this very thing including memorable posts like, Remind me to never hire a SAHM again. This is the undercurrent of all this contempt.

This is exactly what I mean, just ran a search, and did not find one post with this statement. Of course someone who does not know that is going to read your post and then pile on - and so it continues. OMG!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you are offended (or making the choice to feel insulted) by a SAHM who says quite honestly "I stayed at home to raise my kids" then YOU are creating the controversy where there is none!

I totally agree with the WOHMs who advise SAHMs not to talk on and on about their kids in an interview. Fair point. But, to assume a judgment or insult from someone who is talking about HER own choices... well, that's just making it all about you when it's not about you.

I have been asked several times in different interviews "how old are your kids." They know I have kids b/c of the gap and my explanation of what I was doing. The interviewers are the ones trying to bring in more info. about the kids.... and then they are subtly calculating if the kids still young and going to cause a problem for the employer.

If a person says she decided to stay home and take care of her kids it is NOT the same thing as judging all WOHMs for not taking care of their kids. It's not about the the WOHM!

Lastly, you would think that a person who WOH, would be thrilled to see the arch-enemy (SAHM) trying to follow in the WOHM's footsteps! Here is a person from the "opposing" team trying to join your team, and all you can do is insult the person who wants to join your team???? You insult the SAHMs for staying at home, but when they try to be WOHMs you want to kick them back into their corner (which you sarcastically deride).

Seriously. Think about your logic if you are one of the WOHMs who is slamming on the SAHMs trying to get jobs. And try to let go of the perceived attacks, b/c I've never heard SAHMs insulting WOHMs in real life. Ever.

No, you, the SAHM are creating the drama by introducing something completely irrelevant to the interview for the job along with a judgmental statement. How is the fact that you "stayed at home to raise your kids" at all relevant to your job? If you must, you can say that you left the work force to take care of family matters. In jobs that I've interviewed for, I can't always afford someone who doesn't realize that there are certain topics that are landmines that should not be stepped on. If that's your idea of a neutral statement that is MY problem and not yours, then you are probably not a fit for my job. I hire people who work on-site at a client's site and always have to be aware of what they are saying because they represent my company at the client's site. Wrong or inappropriate statements, regardless of the intention can cost us by having us audited, having our semiannual review to be rated lower and possibly cost us some of a review period bonus. I need people more perceptive than that to work at the clients' sites. Now, granted my type of situation may be the minority, but in this job market, do you want to rule out certain jobs, even a small minority because you have to make a statement about your family in a work setting? I think that SAHM's are well advised to not mention their families until they are used to a work environment, know what the attitude is towards family discussions and know where and when is appropriate to discuss family, otherwise they'll find that their options may be even more limited than they start out.

Don't mention family until the interviewer gives you an appropriate opening. If asked why you were out of the workforce, that is usually a lead-in to "what have you done in the last X years to maintain your skills?" Not "what did you do in the last X years that has nothing to do with this job?" I personally would answer "What have you done in the last 10 years?" with "Well, I've taken a night school course in blah, blah, blah, and am a regular participant in the Acme Companies Forum on X technology to keep abreast of X developments." If you must, say "While I was out taking care of family matters, I took a night school course and blah, blah, blah."

PP you sound like a robotron. I like it when someone has a hair out of place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, amazing how posters will twist information so that they can make a silly point. No one is arguing that SAHMs have difficulty rejoing the workforce just that SAHM who want to rejoined should try not to focus too much on why they left in the first place and instead focus on their experience and what (in anything) they did to keep up to date in their profession. This seems like a no brainer to me.

You must be new around here. A great many posters on many threads have said this very thing including memorable posts like, Remind me to never hire a SAHM again. This is the undercurrent of all this contempt.

No, the undercurrent is the SAHM suggesting that WOHMs aren't raising their kids and that SAHM deserve some accolades for staying at home and martyring themselves. See how it works? Two perspectives.

[Anonymous]

^^ And you CAN do a search on that and find plenty.