Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

I think you're expecting a bit too much from a teen giving you a school tour to answer any and every question you have about the college process. First things first, you're visiting a high school your teen will attend for the next four years. Hire a college counselor to help with the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

I think you're expecting a bit too much from a teen giving you a school tour to answer any and every question you have about the college process. First things first, you're visiting a high school your teen will attend for the next four years. Hire a college counselor to help with the rest.

This exactly. Good grief. Ask about how long they spend on homework, how they juggle extracurriculars, maybe even things like how they are balancing school workload and application demands, but leave the specifics of GPAs and popular schools to the CCs when you talk to them—and you do get a chance to talk to them, at least in our experience.

Also, the student tour guides at most of the schools we visited were 10th and 11th graders, not seniors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

I think you are absolutely right. Those parents and kids with a healthy attitude are not this sensitive. My senior parent friends with kids in public school are very open about where their kids are applying. They are even eager to pass along tips for those of us whose kids are younger and clueless. I’m guessing based on this thread that private school families are more competitive and therefore more sensitive.

[Anonymous]

How has this become a 20 page thread?

[Anonymous]

I honestly just think this is a cultural thing.

Public school and middle-class families do not care at all about the "where are you applying?" question. Upper-middle class private school families care about this because they view their social status as attached to the prestige of their child's undergrad.

I talked to a Jackson-Reed kid about their college applications a month ago, and he said, "I'm applying to Pitt, and I'm going test optional because my scores weren't that high." You would never hear a "Big 3" kid admit that sort of thing. They would die of embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

I think you are absolutely right. Those parents and kids with a healthy attitude are not this sensitive. My senior parent friends with kids in public school are very open about where their kids are applying. They are even eager to pass along tips for those of us whose kids are younger and clueless. I’m guessing based on this thread that private school families are more competitive and therefore more sensitive.

Yes, I toured Sidwell and one prospective parent asked another parent of an already-graduated student, "I'm sorry if this is sensitive, but where did your daughter end up after graduation."

It just surprises me how sensitive people are about this. It's like there's shame if your kid didn't end up at a name-brand fancy school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

This definitely varies by school. Kids/families I know in our local MoCo schools are similarly stressed and keep details to themselves. This is also true of friends we have at private schools in Baltimore and in public/private in Boston. I don't think you can say this is just a private school thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

How about find a good match for your kid to ENJOY HIGHSCHOOL. Drop the college stuff. I your child is accepted, then talk to the various college counseling offices at the schools your child is choosing from. In addition to being inappropriate, this is all very "cart before the horse" ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

I think you are absolutely right. Those parents and kids with a healthy attitude are not this sensitive. My senior parent friends with kids in public school are very open about where their kids are applying. They are even eager to pass along tips for those of us whose kids are younger and clueless. I’m guessing based on this thread that private school families are more competitive and therefore more sensitive.

I have kids in both. There is no difference in stress or openness. Also it is very much not done to talk about what you are doing or what others are doing as far as applications. It’s considered rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

I think you are absolutely right. Those parents and kids with a healthy attitude are not this sensitive. My senior parent friends with kids in public school are very open about where their kids are applying. They are even eager to pass along tips for those of us whose kids are younger and clueless. I’m guessing based on this thread that private school families are more competitive and therefore more sensitive.

I have kids in both. There is no difference in stress or openness. Also it is very much not done to talk about what you are doing or what others are doing as far as applications. It’s considered rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a public school background, I find it interesting how sensitive private school families are on the "where are you applying to college?" question.

I regularly interact with Jackson-Reed kids, and they are very transparent with where they're applying, if they're applying test-optional, etc.

I think for private school families, college admissions serves as some sort of self validation or a source of potential embarrassment. Public school families feel no shame in saying "My kid is going to Old Dominion."

I think you are absolutely right. Those parents and kids with a healthy attitude are not this sensitive. My senior parent friends with kids in public school are very open about where their kids are applying. They are even eager to pass along tips for those of us whose kids are younger and clueless. I’m guessing based on this thread that private school families are more competitive and therefore more sensitive.

I have kids in both. There is no difference in stress or openness. Also it is very much not done to talk about what you are doing or what others are doing as far as applications. It’s considered rude.

I think this is true for MoCo public schools and TJ. I don't think it's true for DCPS schools. I talk to DCPS kids, and they are very transparent about their college admissions goals.

Families with kids in MoCo and TJ view college admissions as a social status game. DCPS kids are very relaxed about the whole thing because they don't feel the pressure to get into a T20 school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

How about find a good match for your kid to ENJOY HIGHSCHOOL. Drop the college stuff. I your child is accepted, then talk to the various college counseling offices at the schools your child is choosing from. In addition to being inappropriate, this is all very "cart before the horse" ...

Stop believing the school college counseling office will give you this information. If they did, I guarantee you fewer parents would pester a student tour guide. This is the problem, the schools are purposely opaque at every level. This is true even for existing juniors and seniors at the schools. It drives you bats**t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

How about find a good match for your kid to ENJOY HIGHSCHOOL. Drop the college stuff. I your child is accepted, then talk to the various college counseling offices at the schools your child is choosing from. In addition to being inappropriate, this is all very "cart before the horse" ...

Stop believing the school college counseling office will give you this information. If they did, I guarantee you fewer parents would pester a student tour guide. This is the problem, the schools are purposely opaque at every level. This is true even for existing juniors and seniors at the schools. It drives you bats**t.

It wouldn't occur to me to ask a senior where they are applying. What relevance does that have to my kid who doesn't graduate from HS for 5 years? Luckily we had a sophomore giving us a recent tour so there was no need to ask him this anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

How about find a good match for your kid to ENJOY HIGHSCHOOL. Drop the college stuff. I your child is accepted, then talk to the various college counseling offices at the schools your child is choosing from. In addition to being inappropriate, this is all very "cart before the horse" ...

Stop believing the school college counseling office will give you this information. If they did, I guarantee you fewer parents would pester a student tour guide. This is the problem, the schools are purposely opaque at every level. This is true even for existing juniors and seniors at the schools. It drives you bats**t.

That’s the info parents should have: the CCO is opaque. So many friends complain sooo much about their CCO not providing information. (And you think the random student tour guide will have that info? Lol) Yet they send the next kid to the same school and are so very pleased with themselves. Then, a year or two later, here they are again complaining sooo much about the CCO.

Have some self-control and don’t pester the tour guide. They don’t know what you want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having an issue understanding the inappropriate question - here are others I suspect you would never ask because they are highly personal:

-Do you get financial aid - how much?
-How hard do you find the classes, do you get A's?
-What's your GPA? What's your SAT/ACT score?
- Do you take APs? What were your scores on the test?
- Do you have tutors? How many of your friends do?
- Do you have an accommodation recognized by the school - and what do they do to help you?

I would absolutely ask if they found the classes hard and if few or many kids get As, would also ask if tutors are commonplace, would ask if they take APs and to their knowledge do kids do well on the AP tests. If my kid needed an accommodation, would ask if they knew anything about how the school may actually handle those vs what Admin claims.

So, many of those are good questions.

You made those questions general. No longer "what is your GPA." If you extend that to the original situation then you would agree to not ask an individual where did *you* apply but more generally "how many schools do seniors generally apply to?" Which I think many would agree is a fair question. Asking specific questions about the guide's GPA, accommodations, applications, rejections, financial aid, etc are all terrible questions.

Exactly.

“Do you get financial aid?” Not okay.
“What percentage of the student body gets financial aid?” Okay.

“What is your GPA?” Not okay.
“What is the average GPA?” Okay.

“Where are you applying to college?” Not okay.
“Where do seniors apply to college?” Okay.

This should be very easy. Shocking that people don’t get it but basic manners are no longer taught, I guess.

So..what about: what non-ivy schools are poplar this year? Are you hearing that a lot of kids are going test optional? can you share any of the factors kids your year are using to decide where to apply?

How about find a good match for your kid to ENJOY HIGHSCHOOL. Drop the college stuff. I your child is accepted, then talk to the various college counseling offices at the schools your child is choosing from. In addition to being inappropriate, this is all very "cart before the horse" ...

Stop believing the school college counseling office will give you this information. If they did, I guarantee you fewer parents would pester a student tour guide. This is the problem, the schools are purposely opaque at every level. This is true even for existing juniors and seniors at the schools. It drives you bats**t.

Fair point - but still - these people's kids aren't even accepted at these high schools yet. Ask that question later - if you can find anyone who will be honest. (the naysayers don't want to believe DCUM's with PSAs about hooks....or maybe everyone thinks their kid is the special one who will be different ?)

I still stand by - find a good match for your child in this process. You have a much wider set of things to consider than asking the teenager where they are applying to college.