DP. It depends. You don't know what the spouse told the OW. There is even a case posted here where the OW did not even know the man was married. Plus, is this a "let's see who is gross enough to keep this man" competition? |
Well the married ow in my story never worked so I took it to her home. But- I would always do it privately- just like the affair. |
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I’m not quite sure how the bigger offense is [/i]not [i]screwing someone else’s spouse for months (possibly years on end; and possibly also being married yourself), but it’s the spouse that chooses to confront that person.
First- the amount of shock and trauma that ensues when someone finds out something like that is monumental so I’m apt yo give them grace for whatever they need for closure. But- these OW acting all innocent - ha. Enough. And the best is that they will say what a POS the man is and why would the wife want a slimeball YET they have been trying so hard to get him, aka the slimeball, to leave to marry them !!! |
Exactly. |
It's a given that the OWs are slimeballs. You can give the wives grace and still advise them that it is a crazy thing to do. OP has not done it yet, and people are trying to stop her from doing it. Why can others who have this period behind them not advise her to avoid the same mistake they made? I am the poster whose mother slapped an OW. I think OW deserved the slap, but I would never advise any woman to put herself in that position for a cheater. |
DP. Re: the bold above: Where did anyone say that it is "the bigger offense" to confront the OW? Bigger than the cheating? No one said that, you're projecting that onto the responses here. People are addressing whether or not they feel it's great/fine/dumb/insane to confront an OW. That is the yardstick. They are not comparing that to the cheating, which of course is the worst of all, because it precipitated the desire or need to confront an OW in the first place. Don't conflate two totally different discussions--one of which we're not even having here. |
But the betrayed wives posting do know what they knew. OW was married too. She knew everything. It’s extremely rare for an affair to happen without the OW knowing he has kids and a family. It’s not like they can meet that often and they can’t openly call/text. A ONS or a few hook ups- yeah- very possible to lie about being married. Affairs- just no. |
You are right. |
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Shaming BW is just an attempt to avoid the natural consequences of your bad choices. The problem isn't that I lied and cheated . . . the problem is that you got mad about it!
Don't play stupid games if you don't want to win stupid prizes. Hinging your exit strategy on the politeness of the betrayed spouse is a losing proposition. And the same thing goes for the married person . . . hoping that the person willing to sleep with you while you're married will be nice and polite about it afterwards, well good luck with that. You're just rolling the dice. If you want to avoid interpersonal drama, stick to single people. |
All of that and nothing in response to OP! Lol |
That wasn't my first post on this thread. Strange thing to assume. |
| Don’t do it . It is not worth it . Your husband needs to be held accountable . I went through this a year ago and confronted the OW . It did make me feel crazy and like a huge loser . She looked at me in a way that made me feel pathetic . It was clear as an OW she lacked remorse . I finally realized I was fighting with her over a man that wasn’t worth my time . He ran out on me , we eventually divorced . That was the best gift I gave myself . |
OW aren’t the smartest. |
But OP is certainly the most sock-puppettish. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/08/18/update081823 |
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Whoops, wrong link. This is the "most active threads" blog post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2023/08/21/update082123
This thread is #2. |