The Most Active Threads Since Friday

The most active thread since my last blog post was titled, "School Asking DC To Mask To Accomodate An Other" and posted in the "VA Public Schools other than FCPS" forum. The original poster says that she received an email from her child's school asking that the child wear a mask in a specific class because another child has a "medical situation". If the original poster's child declines, her child will be moved to another class. The original poster is suspicious that this might not be a real medical situation but simply a mother overreacting to COVID hysteria. In that case, the original poster does not want to subject her child to wearing a mask. However, if it is indeed a serious medical need, the original poster says she will bend over backwards to accomodate the other student. She wants to know how she can determine which of the two cases this actually might be. It was almost immediately clear to me — once I saw the thread which, unfortunately was not until just now — that this poster was trolling. In subsequent responses, the original poster (frequently without identifying herself), suggested that concern about COVID was limited to "drama queens" and liberals. The original poster later referred to masks as "muzzling her child" and threatened to "spit in the face" of another poster. Without identifying herself as the original poster, the original poster responded in subsequent posts saying that she is done with masking and would not ask her child to mask and also saying that she would simply said her child to school without a mask rather than responding ahead of time. While this poster is trolling, the thread touches on a serious topic. The State of Virginia settled a lawsuit filed by the ACLU by agreeing that peer masking is an acceptable accommodation for students who are at risk from COVID. Therefore, some Virginia schools are likely facing this issue, though it is anybody's guess whether the original poster's child is in one of those schools.

Over time, I've noticed that many DCUM posters can be fit into certain categories based on how they use DCUM or how they participate in the community. Call them DCUM archetypes if you will. One of these are what I might describe as "troubled souls". These are posters who have had something happen in their lives that they simply can't get over. They come to DCUM not necessarily for answers or solutions, but more to have a sounding board. They can say to an anonymous forum what they can't or won't say to anyone in real life. When I talk about DCUM as therapy, these are some of the users I have in mind. The second most active thread over the weekend, which was posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum, was authored by such a poster. Titled, "I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner", the original poster acknowledges that she has posted about this before and most of the advice was not to do it. However, she is still considering contacting the woman with whom her husband had an affair. While this poster continued to read and participate in this thread, she also started two subsequent threads about her marriage and her husband's affair. So, she currently has three active threads and, frankly, doesn't appear to be taking the advice offered in any of them. She is obviously fixated on her husband's affair and posting on DCUM is a way to engage that fixation, if not actually resolve it. What keeps a thread like this going is a combination of posters who have no such fixation and those who are fellow troubled souls. The two groups react very differently, creating disputes that can go on for quite a while. This thread, for instance, is already 21 pages and shows no signs of slowing down. And, lest you think that the original poster is the most obsessive of the bunch, allow me to disabuse you of that notion. When advice was offered to send a letter instead of physically confronting the woman, another poster asked for advice about an inexpensive camera/radio with which she could watch the other woman read the letter. Even the original poster appears to consider that going too far.

The next most active thread was titled, "Does everyone on here with kids applying to top 50 schools really have the $80K per year to spend?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster says College is just around the corner and she has just realized that most of the top 50 universities cost around $80 thousand per year and most offer very little, if any, merit aid. Because the original poster is a DC resident, her family doesn't have the benefit of in-state tuition at universities such as the University of Virginia or the University of Maryland. She wants to know if people are actually paying these prices. For many of those responding, the answer is "yes". Either due to well-funded 529 plans, high incomes, or both, the families are able to afford the cost of these universities. Others say that they were able to find opportunties at top 50 colleges at much more affordable prices. There was a, surprising to me, discussion about the need to have early discussions with kids if a lack of affordability will mean that they can't attend expensive universities. One poster spoke of "massive social and emotional complications" of a child learning at application time that only affordable colleges could be considered. Frankly, I would be surprised by a child not being familiar with their family's financial situation until the last years of high school. At any rate, this thread soon veered off into discussions of school quality and the strengths of various school cohorts. Some posters argued that many schools just outside the top 50 rival those in the top 50 in terms of educational quality and frequently at lower cost. In contrast, others believe that less competitive universities have less academically strong student bodies and attach importance to their children being part of strong cohort. This dispute, in turn, led to posters suggesting that academic recruits, which make up a significant portion of some schools' classes, aren't particularly strong academically and, therefore, some highly-ranked schools might not have academically strong cohorts. That notion was disputed by other posters who believe that the athletes are also strong academically. Some posters argue that the high cost of college is a scam in which only fools participate. They don't see the value of such expensive educations and/or believe that the costs are going to pay for unnecessary luxuries. As one poster says, "it's just insanity that people have fallen victim to the $80k trap".

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. Titled, "Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls", the original poster says that her teenage daughter has been part of a group of friends since kindergarten. The girls' moms, including the original poster, have in turn formed their own friend group. Recently, the original poster's daughter formed new friendships with another group of girls and when one of her old friends asked to hang out with the new group, the original poster's daughter told her "no". This greatly upset the old friend whose mom then contacted the original poster and asked her to get involved to resolve the conflict. The original poster doesn't want to involve herself in her daughter's social life. However, the other mom has been complaining to the other moms about her daughter and wants to meet to discuss the situation. The original poster feels like the other moms are being asked to chose sides and she wants to maintain her friendships and not let their daughters' dispute divide them. To be sure, plenty of those responding side with the original poster and believe the other mom is wrong to drag their other friends into the dispute. But, by and large, posters seem to think that the original poster's daughter was mean and that the original poster is wrong to ignore her behavior. As one responder pointed out, the original poster appears strangely fixated on her daughter's behavior not strictly meeting the definition of "bullying" and, since the behavior didn't meet that bar, not considering it to be a big deal. The original poster does agree that her daughter could have handled things better, but appears to downplay just how mean her behavior was. Ironically, while the original poster seems to feel that her daughter establishing new friendships and excluding an old friend is completely normal and acceptable behavior, she herself appears to be worried about possibly being excluded from her own friend group. Some posters see this situation similarly, but in opposite terms and view the other mom as protesting her daughter's exclusion while proposing the original poster's exclusion. At any rate, many posters think that despite the original poster's stated unwillingness for her daughter to be a "mean girl", that is exactly the situation. These posters and others urge the original poster to encourage her daughter to be kinder and communicate better with the old friend.