Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Not my kid, not my problem. I'm not going to control another person's kid's phone. And if there's an emergency I want my kid to be able to contact me without involving you.

Are you serious? How many emergencies do you all have? It is a control helicopter issue. At least admit to that

The helicopter is the mom trying to manage the phone use of other people’s kids so her own kid doesn’t have to speak up.

No it is an option a lot of parents like and agree to ahead of time. At least that is how it is at our house. It’s a choice to come over and leave your phone upstairs and hang out downstairs. You can come upstairs and use it if needed. So it isn’t taken away. Sure the tweens/teens will still kinda talk while on their phones but it all social media, one upping, trying to post, etc… With the phones upstairs the kids play board games, ping pong, shuffleboard, card games, and even sit and all talk face to face. Something many kids no longer know how to do.

My kid manages to do all those things with his phone in his pocket. I am confused how these kids are doing things in your basement that they don’t know how to do. It seems like you have to choose one flex or the other. Either groups of kids come over and do those things in your basement or your parenting is so stellar that your kids can do these things not no one else’s kids can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

YES I despise rapid shoes of households. I’m a new poster to this thread. My kid would leave/call me if asked to do this. This is a direct violation of my family’s safety contract. Your “house rules” DO NOT supersede my family’s carefully thought out safety contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

YES I despise rapid shoes of households. I’m a new poster to this thread. My kid would leave/call me if asked to do this. This is a direct violation of my family’s safety contract. Your “house rules” DO NOT supersede my family’s carefully thought out safety contract.

By all means, your kids shouldn't violate their safety contract with you.

Fwiw, a new study just came out that said the more support a teen receives from parents, the more the teen suffers from internet addiction.

Maybe this thread shows why.

https://phys.org/news/2023-01-parental-linked-teen-internet-addiction.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

such a rebel.

Not a rebel. But kid has appropriate boundaries.

How do you spell "infantalizing"?

You spell it “infantilizing.”

Thanks. Now stop doing it. Your DC doesn't need an electronic tether to you.

You don't get to tell me what my kid needs. That's the end of it, really.

So is this a threat to your parenting? Phones are a personal item and kids are an extension of ourselves. Do you see someone messing your personal item? Like I really don't understand this reaction because surely you are not actually saying it's a good thing for your kid to always have a phone on them.

It's not a threat. It's a power move for no reason other than OP's "This is my house" flex. I pay for the phone. I choose for her to have it. I don't care if you think it is a good thing for DC to be on it or not. It's not your business. It's not OPs business. Or decision.

OP is weirdly controlling over her own kid - fine. Over mine? Not going to happen.

For people like OP- just let me know your weird, controlling rules before inviting my kid so we can decide whether to decline or not. But, lbh, we wouldn't be friends in the first place. So, luckily this will be a non-issue for us.

My kids' friends come over and hang out in the basement. They play video games, generally hang out, and occasionally share stuff they've seen online (I still don't get why they watch videos of other people playing video games, but whatever). They might leave the house to go to Starbucks. But, I'm not seeing them individually staring at their phones. I really don't get what problem OP is trying to fix.

It just comes off as bossy and fussy.

That's because it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

It's pathetic that so many parents are unwilling to do anything about internet addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

It's pathetic that so many parents are unwilling to do anything about internet addiction.

It’s not the host’s place to try to fix internet addiction among the entire friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

It's pathetic that so many parents are unwilling to do anything about internet addiction.

It’s not the host’s place to try to fix internet addiction among the entire friend group.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1 Stuff comes up and my kid is expected to have his phone on him at all times when he is out of our house. It's a rule.

That's fine. Your rude kid doesn't need to come to my kid's house and stare at his phone here.

What makes you think my kid is rude, just because his phone is in his pocket? Odd assumption. Yours is probably in your purse wherever you are. Are you rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For sure yes to this for middle schoolers. Esp 6th and 7th when they shouldn’t even really have these stupid things. Not in high school.

And for the parent who’d be offended by this? That’s crazy! Wouldn’t you be happy a parent is a trying to encourage face to face socializing? Getting kids off the phones? I know I would like that parent MORE and be more inclined to send my kid to their house if they did this!

No. I would be mad you took my kid’s only means of contact with me away from them without my permission. And that you treated my mature, adolescent kid like someone you can control rather than a guest in your house.

+1 Why do you want to cut off my child's ability to communicate with me without you knowing it? What are you up to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a basket near front door/kitchen where our kids drop their phones and a lot of times their friends do. I give all friends my phone number and tell their parents they can always reach their kids by calling me for them. As if it's the 1980's. Your kid isn't a surgeon - there's no emergency that requires your 12 year old. We've had this set-up for years and never had a parent tell me they have a problem, or a kid say they can't come to our house because of the phone thing.

The kids are welcome to go over to their phone any time they want. Some have to check in every half hour.

Why do you get to decide that parents have to go through you to contact their own children in this day and age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

It's pathetic that so many parents are unwilling to do anything about internet addiction.

It’s not the host’s place to try to fix internet addiction among the entire friend group.

Why not?

Because that is the role of the parent. Not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

Shoes are meant to be worn outdoors. It’s not remotely comparable to a cell phone. Why is it so hard for you to give people a heads up about your house rule? Why is it so important to surprise them with the rule when they arrive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For sure yes to this for middle schoolers. Esp 6th and 7th when they shouldn’t even really have these stupid things. Not in high school.

And for the parent who’d be offended by this? That’s crazy! Wouldn’t you be happy a parent is a trying to encourage face to face socializing? Getting kids off the phones? I know I would like that parent MORE and be more inclined to send my kid to their house if they did this!

No. I would be mad you took my kid’s only means of contact with me away from them without my permission. And that you treated my mature, adolescent kid like someone you can control rather than a guest in your house.

+1 Why do you want to cut off my child's ability to communicate with me without you knowing it? What are you up to?

Yep yep yep. For those who are saying "oh they can come upstairs to use their phone", what if they are in a bad situation with your kid and the others and they want to call their parents privately? No way to do that if they have to make a big thing about going to wherever the phones are, and then getting past the parents. If you're psycho enough to take their p hones, there is no way you're not also psycho enough to ask them why they need their phone.

The people conflating this with internet addiction are completely missing the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

YES I despise rapid shoes of households. I’m a new poster to this thread. My kid would leave/call me if asked to do this. This is a direct violation of my family’s safety contract. Your “house rules” DO NOT supersede my family’s carefully thought out safety contract.

By all means, your kids shouldn't violate their safety contract with you.

Fwiw, a new study just came out that said the more support a teen receives from parents, the more the teen suffers from internet addiction.

Maybe this thread shows why.

https://phys.org/news/2023-01-parental-linked-teen-internet-addiction.html

Isn't it our role to support our kids? What are you going on about?