Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

YES I despise rapid shoes of households. I’m a new poster to this thread. My kid would leave/call me if asked to do this. This is a direct violation of my family’s safety contract. Your “house rules” DO NOT supersede my family’s carefully thought out safety contract.

By all means, your kids shouldn't violate their safety contract with you.

Fwiw, a new study just came out that said the more support a teen receives from parents, the more the teen suffers from internet addiction.

Maybe this thread shows why.

https://phys.org/news/2023-01-parental-linked-teen-internet-addiction.html

Isn't it our role to support our kids? What are you going on about?

Read the article. Does supporting our kids mean encouraging or requiring them to have a phone all the time? Or putting limits on the phone? Which would a teen think is more supportive? Which would a parent?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:For sure yes to this for middle schoolers. Esp 6th and 7th when they shouldn’t even really have these stupid things. Not in high school.

And for the parent who’d be offended by this? That’s crazy! Wouldn’t you be happy a parent is a trying to encourage face to face socializing? Getting kids off the phones? I know I would like that parent MORE and be more inclined to send my kid to their house if they did this!

No. I would be mad you took my kid’s only means of contact with me away from them without my permission. And that you treated my mature, adolescent kid like someone you can control rather than a guest in your house.

+1 Why do you want to cut off my child's ability to communicate with me without you knowing it? What are you up to?

I've been in too many homes where things aren't good. I want my child to have an escape plan if things aren't safe or they are uncomfortable. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do). However, you can tell kids the expectation in your home is phones are not to be used except to call parents/emergency and enforce it. Problem solved.

If you are a parent who doesn't want your kid to have a phone in someone's home, simple, don't allow them to take one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. Why do parents in this area always think they know how to parent your kid better than you? Such a weird power move to take away teenagers phone. I would be furious if this happened at one of my DC’s friends house. Actually furious.

Why is this about imposing different parenting styles, rather than different houses/different rules?

Because the phone belongs to the teen and not the host, IMO this is something that should be told up front and not sprung on the teen when he shows up to hang out. Let the teen decide in advance if he is ok with it or prefers to hang out with your kid somewhere else.

Your shoes belong to you too. Do you want a heads up if someone asks you to take off shoes in their house?

YES I despise rapid shoes of households. I’m a new poster to this thread. My kid would leave/call me if asked to do this. This is a direct violation of my family’s safety contract. Your “house rules” DO NOT supersede my family’s carefully thought out safety contract.

By all means, your kids shouldn't violate their safety contract with you.

Fwiw, a new study just came out that said the more support a teen receives from parents, the more the teen suffers from internet addiction.

Maybe this thread shows why.

https://phys.org/news/2023-01-parental-linked-teen-internet-addiction.html

Isn't it our role to support our kids? What are you going on about?

Read the article. Does supporting our kids mean encouraging or requiring them to have a phone all the time? Or putting limits on the phone? Which would a teen think is more supportive? Which would a parent?

My kids know that if they have a problem all they need to do is call. I don't want them to have to figure out unknown things on their own, especially if it might be life-threatening or puts them or others at risk.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: Not my kid, not my problem. I'm not going to control another person's kid's phone. And if there's an emergency I want my kid to be able to contact me without involving you.

Are you serious? How many emergencies do you all have? It is a control helicopter issue. At least admit to that

The helicopter is the mom trying to manage the phone use of other people’s kids so her own kid doesn’t have to speak up.

No it is an option a lot of parents like and agree to ahead of time. At least that is how it is at our house. It’s a choice to come over and leave your phone upstairs and hang out downstairs. You can come upstairs and use it if needed. So it isn’t taken away. Sure the tweens/teens will still kinda talk while on their phones but it all social media, one upping, trying to post, etc… With the phones upstairs the kids play board games, ping pong, shuffleboard, card games, and even sit and all talk face to face. Something many kids no longer know how to do.

My kid manages to do all those things with his phone in his pocket. I am confused how these kids are doing things in your basement that they don’t know how to do. It seems like you have to choose one flex or the other. Either groups of kids come over and do those things in your basement or your parenting is so stellar that your kids can do these things not no one else’s kids can.

No kid does all those things with a phone in their pocket all night, never taking it out. I am a teacher and a parent to 4 kids ages 21 to 14 and each year it gets worse and worse. If your kid can’t walk up a flight of step to go use their phone away from the crowd and must have it in their pocket, you don’t realize the addiction that kid has of needing it on him at all times. It’s scary. The PP is offering a different way. If you son must have it in his pocket then I guess he goes to a different house and a different basement with all kids with cell phones in their pockets.

[Anonymous]

I am laughing at the moms rationalizing such unsafe homes they are sending their tweens and young teens to and must have immediate phones and escape plans. LOL Are you not talking or know their parents and just letting your kid in these random houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can see porn in my house if their phone is with me. That’s my reasoning.

You simply cannot control people as much as you think you can.

In her own home, she damn well can. Contrary to popular belief, a cellphone isn’t a limb or an organ without which a person can’t function for a few hours.

(and yes, of course they can access it in an emergency, so save that predicable excuse)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I thought of this thread. My teen went to hang out with friends after school yesterday. My kid wanted to come home really early. I asked what happened and my kid mentioned being bored because the host and every other kid was on a phone. There was no point to hanging out.

I was happy that my kid recognized that it wasn't worth hanging out but saddened.

That is a natural consequence; not a power trip of the house family.

It's pathetic that so many parents are unwilling to do anything about internet addiction.

Um because these same parents are just as addicted and it is easier to just hand a phone and call it a day. I have 3rd graders in my class with Apple 14’s

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kids' friends would simply choose to hang out at other houses. Sorry, just being honest. They'd find that overly controlling. (And I say this as a mom of kids who have nice relationships with their friends and do NOT spend excessive amounts of time on their phones when they're together.)

They would ditch their friends over phones? Wow, that's sad.

Most of the kids would! And your kid then would also start going to someone else’s house to hang out!

That’s pathetic. Laughably bad parenting on the part of the phone obsessed kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I actually think the parents who MUST be able to contact their kids 24/7 sound like the controlling ones here.

Well that’s an interesting take lol

It’s also the truth. DP

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap!

Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Because your children were in settings without you and without a phone at a much younger age. Now they are older and you believe they could be in a situation so uncomfortable that they need to be able to call you right away? Do you not see what's wrong with your thinking?

Exactly, and PP is profoundly dim.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

such a rebel.

Not a rebel. But kid has appropriate boundaries.

No, kid is a drama queen, just like their mom.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid would know to refuse and to call me.

Why would you want your kid to refuse? A few hours when hanging out? What is the harm in not having their phones? Just curious. Ew

My kids keep theirs on them due to some safety issues that are unique to our family. I have also taught kids who keep them on them so they can call if they have a seizure aura, or so their CGM can communicate with it's app.

None of these kids should have to explain why they need it.

You know 99.999% of the teenagers at OP’s house don’t need their phones for diabetes or epilepsy, right? They “need” it because their mothers have untreated anxiety disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t see the big deal or purpose of arguing. I would not do this to kids at my house (my kid would be mortified and would never invite anyone again!). More importantly, if a kid that comes over is too tied to his phone to be fun for my kid, they won’t be invited back. If my kid goes to a house with this rule and doesn’t like it, he won’t go back. The issue solves itself.

Just curious do you think parents stand at the door and say "Hand over the phone!"

The perk of when we have my 13yr old's friends over is that they know we ask to pile the phones up in the foyer, but there is a basement of pool table, ping pong, a tv for movies/video games, a poker table for card or board games (they love What Do You Meme) and there is a backyard with a fire pit, trampoline, corn hole, and 6 laser tag vests/guns. They also play Capture the Flag a lot too. We order food and snacks and supply drinks. They can decide ahead of time if they rather choose their phone and stay home. No big deal. And the type of kids that choose that aren't the fun type of kids my teen would want to hang out with anyway. So yes, the issue resolves itself but WAY before the event. Not after.

Your house sounds way more fun than sitting in a circle in the basement staring at individual phones. And yes, my teen and tween would agree.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

Parallel play?! We are talking about tweens and teens.

I think the issue here is that people are talking about different things. Huge difference between a basket at the door for a sleepover of a few 12 year old girls and a basement party with older co ed teens. I definitely want my kid having her phone on her if we are talking about the latter. If the former, just let us know in advance so I can ask my tween to check the phone from time to time in case I have tried to reach her.

DP. That PP was spot on about parallel play. You don't see it, because you don't want to look. Others of us do.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

Parallel play?! We are talking about tweens and teens.

I think the issue here is that people are talking about different things. Huge difference between a basket at the door for a sleepover of a few 12 year old girls and a basement party with older co ed teens. I definitely want my kid having her phone on her if we are talking about the latter. If the former, just let us know in advance so I can ask my tween to check the phone from time to time in case I have tried to reach her.

DP. That PP was spot on about parallel play. You don't see it, because you don't want to look. Others of us do.

I have no idea what you are trying to say.

Then you’re not very bright.