Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

I'm not a pharma exec and I won't go away. But I can see and acknowledge the reality that nothing has worked so far for obesity on a population level and the injectables look incredibly promising so far.

It’s such an inappropriate suggestion since OPs child hasn’t tried anything else.

I don’t disagree. Nobody suggested pharmaceutical options in this particular comment thread, so I wasn’t responding to that. I was just defending the pharma executive because she is right, they are the ones with the most promising solution at this point in time in this particular arena.

14:14 suggested it.
Diet and exercise are proven to work, as is lap band. Stop kidding yourself that pharma has a quick fix.

That’s why I said “this particular comment thread.” Is reading very hard for you?

And LOL that’s hilarious, no one does lap band anymore. Vertical sleeve gastrectomy and roux en y bypass are pretty successful, but why on earth would you remove 80% your stomach or rearrange your intenstines when you could treat your obesity with medication?

Goodness. Give it up. These medications haven’t even been proven safe or effective, or have a long track record and you’re going about how it’s so much better than surgery? No, thanks.

Uh yes, a medication that has been proven safe is 100% better than invasive surgery that permanently changes your digestive anatomy and has a high complication rate. Obviously.

This is how I know they just hate fat people. Surgically permanently alter your innards and never be able to eat normally again, risk huge complications and severe nutritional deficiencies? All good. Painlessly inject medication that has been proven safe once a week? Absolutely not. You’ll regret it!

They do not want us to have a relatively easy time losing weight because it’s not a good enough punishment for our perceived gluttony and sloth. We’re only allowed to lose weight if it is painstaking or leaves us literally scarred with disfigured organs. When I first thought this I thought I was crazy but I’ve been convinced.

+1

Omg. Stop with the perceived jealousy thin people have toward obese people on meds. Delusional

Sorry babes you're not going to gaslight me anymore. I just read one of y'all say that invasive surgery is a-ok but weekly medication is not. That tells me all I need to know.

Therapy...no one is gas lighting you. No one cares if you take meds. Move on

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

I'm not a pharma exec and I won't go away. But I can see and acknowledge the reality that nothing has worked so far for obesity on a population level and the injectables look incredibly promising so far.

It’s such an inappropriate suggestion since OPs child hasn’t tried anything else.

I don’t disagree. Nobody suggested pharmaceutical options in this particular comment thread, so I wasn’t responding to that. I was just defending the pharma executive because she is right, they are the ones with the most promising solution at this point in time in this particular arena.

14:14 suggested it.
Diet and exercise are proven to work, as is lap band. Stop kidding yourself that pharma has a quick fix.

That’s why I said “this particular comment thread.” Is reading very hard for you?

And LOL that’s hilarious, no one does lap band anymore. Vertical sleeve gastrectomy and roux en y bypass are pretty successful, but why on earth would you remove 80% your stomach or rearrange your intenstines when you could treat your obesity with medication?

Goodness. Give it up. These medications haven’t even been proven safe or effective, or have a long track record and you’re going about how it’s so much better than surgery? No, thanks.

Uh yes, a medication that has been proven safe is 100% better than invasive surgery that permanently changes your digestive anatomy and has a high complication rate. Obviously.

This is how I know they just hate fat people. Surgically permanently alter your innards and never be able to eat normally again, risk huge complications and severe nutritional deficiencies? All good. Painlessly inject medication that has been proven safe once a week? Absolutely not. You’ll regret it!

They do not want us to have a relatively easy time losing weight because it’s not a good enough punishment for our perceived gluttony and sloth. We’re only allowed to lose weight if it is painstaking or leaves us literally scarred with disfigured organs. When I first thought this I thought I was crazy but I’ve been convinced.

+1

Omg. Stop with the perceived jealousy thin people have toward obese people on meds. Delusional

Sorry babes you're not going to gaslight me anymore. I just read one of y'all say that invasive surgery is a-ok but weekly medication is not. That tells me all I need to know.

Take meds if you need them. I would hesitate because I don’t believe there is a long enough history. How many meds have been declared “safe” only to be recalled? Calling these meds completely safe is delusional. Surgery or medication both have risks associated with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went from size 0 to 6 from 8th grade to 10th grade. That’s called growing.
I went from 6-8 senior year.
I went from 8 to 10 in college.

When I was size 10 my infertility reason was identified as underweight,

I gained some weight and got pregnant.

What is her height and weight.

What is her hip to waist ratio.

You’re not underweight if you wear a size 10. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went from size 0 to 6 from 8th grade to 10th grade. That’s called growing.
I went from 6-8 senior year.
I went from 8 to 10 in college.

When I was size 10 my infertility reason was identified as underweight,

I gained some weight and got pregnant.

What is her height and weight.

What is her hip to waist ratio.

You’re not underweight if you wear a size 10. Come on.

Maybe this was 1960

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

So what do they eat?

Protein shakes
Full fat yogurt bowls
Pasta with butter and meat sauce
Chicken, like 1/2 a chicken
Potatoes, loaded
Caesar salad, or a chef salad with ranch
Jambalaya sausage
Steak
Egg sandwich with bacon and cheese
Apples with peanut butter
Grilled cheese sandwiches or quesadillas
Bagels with cream cheese
Burritos with rice/cheese/meat/beans

these are meals not snacks

No, they are snacks

1/2 of a chicken is not a "snack" by any stretch of the imagination. Even people who don't have sons have husbands and brothers and fathers. This is not normal snacking.

I mean you can call it whatever you want but 1/2 a chicken won't fill up an athletic teen boy for long. That's like...what, 700 calories? My kid's meals are more like 1500 calories and he has four of them per day plus snacks.

Mkay well don't be shocked when he goes to college, stops sports, starts drinking, and all of sudden looks like a linebacker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

So what do they eat?

Protein shakes
Full fat yogurt bowls
Pasta with butter and meat sauce
Chicken, like 1/2 a chicken
Potatoes, loaded
Caesar salad, or a chef salad with ranch
Jambalaya sausage
Steak
Egg sandwich with bacon and cheese
Apples with peanut butter
Grilled cheese sandwiches or quesadillas
Bagels with cream cheese
Burritos with rice/cheese/meat/beans

these are meals not snacks

No, they are snacks

1/2 of a chicken is not a "snack" by any stretch of the imagination. Even people who don't have sons have husbands and brothers and fathers. This is not normal snacking.

I mean you can call it whatever you want but 1/2 a chicken won't fill up an athletic teen boy for long. That's like...what, 700 calories? My kid's meals are more like 1500 calories and he has four of them per day plus snacks.

Mkay well don't be shocked when he goes to college, stops sports, starts drinking, and all of sudden looks like a linebacker.

? Are you suggesting he doesn't fuel with the calories he needs right now because at some point in the future his energy needs won't be the same lol? You're dumb.

[Anonymous]

I'm always surprised by how many parents think it's horrible to be concerned over your child's weight, but FLIP OUT if their kid smoked a joint.
The fat is far more likely to damage your child or even kill them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

Wrong. He’s 21 now. Recruited for college football. I never filled my home with snacks.

Anyone who lets their kid play football at that level has no business lecturing *anyone* about doing what's best for their kid's health.

Football athletes are in far better condition than any other sport and it'd not even close. As for injuries, they are far more likely to happen in high school than in college or the NFL.
More football players get concussions as a raw number because football is a far more popular sport. But the most dangerous sports are those contact sports that are played without pads such as soccer and those that involve ice or horses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always surprised by how many parents think it's horrible to be concerned over your child's weight, but FLIP OUT if their kid smoked a joint.
The fat is far more likely to damage your child or even kill them.

OT: I am so tired of parents who downplay harm of marijuana use in this age group. It's like a constant now.

[Anonymous]

I got chubby around 10 (death of my beloved grandparent) and then it didn't stop until I was 26, when I finally took control of it. I had a MISERABLE teenage/high school set of years and the psychological scars are still something I work through at 50 (when some weight is creeping back on and I have to retake control). My pediatrician just shrugged and said "he'll grow out of it" while I sat, age twelve, balling in his office with my mother, begging for help. Poor thing, she was married to a fat man and couldn't see the harm it was causing me to be on the same path. I would have loved some guidance, some encouragement, some help, even while judgment and condemnation would also not have worked. Surely there's a middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got chubby around 10 (death of my beloved grandparent) and then it didn't stop until I was 26, when I finally took control of it. I had a MISERABLE teenage/high school set of years and the psychological scars are still something I work through at 50 (when some weight is creeping back on and I have to retake control). My pediatrician just shrugged and said "he'll grow out of it" while I sat, age twelve, balling in his office with my mother, begging for help. Poor thing, she was married to a fat man and couldn't see the harm it was causing me to be on the same path. I would have loved some guidance, some encouragement, some help, even while judgment and condemnation would also not have worked. Surely there's a middle ground.

This is a fabulous perspective. There's this idea that we harm children by making any comme t or discussing anything that might hurt their feelings. I don't believe just telling a child advice helps, though. You have to raise them to eat the right foods and to exercise. At the same time we have little time for these things because of long work hours and commuting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got chubby around 10 (death of my beloved grandparent) and then it didn't stop until I was 26, when I finally took control of it. I had a MISERABLE teenage/high school set of years and the psychological scars are still something I work through at 50 (when some weight is creeping back on and I have to retake control). My pediatrician just shrugged and said "he'll grow out of it" while I sat, age twelve, balling in his office with my mother, begging for help. Poor thing, she was married to a fat man and couldn't see the harm it was causing me to be on the same path. I would have loved some guidance, some encouragement, some help, even while judgment and condemnation would also not have worked. Surely there's a middle ground.

This is a fabulous perspective. There's this idea that we harm children by making any comme t or discussing anything that might hurt their feelings. I don't believe just telling a child advice helps, though. You have to raise them to eat the right foods and to exercise. At the same time we have little time for these things because of long work hours and commuting.

It's one side to consider. For me, dieting after I gained 30 lbs in HS (dealing with the stress of having a critically ill parent) turned into an eating disorder. I don't think there is one answer.

[Anonymous]

My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

[Anonymous]

^^^ meant to add, my mom was a SAHM mom and made very few comments about my weight ever, provided healthy food, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh was fat as a kid and teen. He has often said he wishes his parents would have helped him by teaching him about nutrition and fitness. You all are doing your kids a real disservice.

I taught my kids about nutrition. I just didn’t link it to weight.