Why so much disgust felt towards men for dating significantly younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We think of sex/relationships as a private matter, but they're really not. The State used to explicitly sat who it was ok to sleep with (men & women, whites with whites, etc.) but the state is leaving this role behind.

People have always judged sex/dating/marriage partners. In the past, an older man and younger woman would hardly raise an eyebrow. But two men together would have been beyond the pale. Now, two men together is not big deal, but an older man or younger woman can raise eyebrows.

In a way, it is weird for people who claim to be tolerant and accepting of different lifestyles to draw the line at older man/younger women pairings and think then it is ok to be judgemental and scornful. Someone in this thread even said they avoid a relative who dates younger women. That sounds like something a white bigot from the 1950s would say about a relative dating interracially.

If it makes you feel better, I'm not tolerant and accepting of "different lifestyles." I also judge being a furry, for example. I'm in an interracial marriage and I have no idea why you think that's an appropriate analogy. Being gay or being in an interracial marriage is not a "different lifestyle."

Isn't being a furry someone who likes to dress up in animal costumes? What does that have to do with this topic?

I brought up interracial and gay and lesbian relationships because people at one time harshly judged such relationships but not older men/younger women. Now some people seem to be trying to censure older men/younger women relationships in a similar fashion. Dating teenagers or even those still in college if the guy is much older is certainly problematic. But if the woman is older than 23-25, why is it anyone's business and why would anyone care? The fact that there are more than a dozen pages of comments on this thread does show that some folks are trying to shame men for such behavior.

Furries are fetishists. Another analogy would be throuples. In each case, I don't think they should be criminalized, but I am more than happy to enforce the societal taboo against them. There's nothing special about gross age gaps. It's one of many gross things I will judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s college aged kid goes to school in Miami. He said none of the best looking women stay on campus on Friday and Saturday nights because their peers can’t afford to take them out. They go into south beach to meet older men that can afford to buy them drinks and show them a good time.

Of course. They are low quality women, and more like their peers spotted them a mile away. South beach is a sleaze bucket and hanging out in bars will net a creepy old guy for sure. Especially in that neck of the woods!

Uh, no. I posted about the same thing happening in LA. We weren't low quality women. We went to a very expensive school that has a low acceptance rate. When we went out on the weekend, we met guys in their late twenties who paid for everything if we ended up dating any of them. We met older guys too, but nobody was interested in them. We got invited to house parties that were catered with bar tenders. When we hung out with guys our own age, we typically paid for ourselves. So, we did both. The only friend I had in college that was in an actual sugar baby arrangement with a much older man was a gay male who I suspect was working through some trouble, but I couldn't say for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

I give the young women more credit than you. They know what's up. Older men are attracted to their youth, beauty and fertility (if they want kids). What's exploitative about a 25 year old, for whatever reason, dating a 40 or 45 year old guy? Most women wouldn't do it, but if she does, why judge? She can vote, fight in a war, buy a house, but she's being "exploited" if she dates someone more than 10 years her senior?

So what else can we not judge using this logic? Being a sex worker? You can *never* judge if both parties are consenting adults? Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s college aged kid goes to school in Miami. He said none of the best looking women stay on campus on Friday and Saturday nights because their peers can’t afford to take them out. They go into south beach to meet older men that can afford to buy them drinks and show them a good time.

Of course. They are low quality women, and more like their peers spotted them a mile away. South beach is a sleaze bucket and hanging out in bars will net a creepy old guy for sure. Especially in that neck of the woods!

Uh, no. I posted about the same thing happening in LA. We weren't low quality women. We went to a very expensive school that has a low acceptance rate. When we went out on the weekend, we met guys in their late twenties who paid for everything if we ended up dating any of them. We met older guys too, but nobody was interested in them. We got invited to house parties that were catered with bar tenders. When we hung out with guys our own age, we typically paid for ourselves. So, we did both. The only friend I had in college that was in an actual sugar baby arrangement with a much older man was a gay male who I suspect was working through some trouble, but I couldn't say for sure.

Sorry but decent men with a solid foundation aren't interested in club/bar women. Doesn't matter what the educational level is. Solid people know if you're hanging around just to get drinks, and "everything" paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

Not at all. They are probably in a elder abuse situation if any. Often they get pregnant to secure their future even if the old guy doesn't marry them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

Exploiting low self esteem? Time to raise the pitchforks for the entire women's make-up and fashion industry!

And the sports car industry for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Another perspective. Feel free to hate.

I am in my early/mid 50s. Went to an Ivy. Very successful. Am in good shape and good looking for my age. I am dating a 30 year old who has two kids, and is beautiful and was a physics major in college.

She isn’t dating me for money per se - she is dating me because I am a member of the upper class of this country. I’m smarter and more worldly than the guys she could date her age. I ski instead of snowboard and I have an important job. Unlike the poster above who claimed that the older men she would date exaggerative their money, I am not exaggerating.

Why should I feel compelled to date a 50 year old? I wasn’t looking for a 30 year old, it just happened. She’s beautiful and into me and I like being around her.

This is hilarious.

At 30 she's no dummy. Hope you're using birth control gramps, or got a vasectomy. My friends husband got his AP pregnant though she swore she was on the pill. He makes great money and she gets a nice check each month. At 30 it's about the lifestyle for her pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

Exploiting low self esteem? Time to raise the pitchforks for the entire women's make-up and fashion industry!

And the sports car industry for men.

Uh yeah, we are in the middle of a massive re-evaluation about exactly those things, did you just wake up from a 5 year long nap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Another perspective. Feel free to hate.

I am in my early/mid 50s. Went to an Ivy. Very successful. Am in good shape and good looking for my age. I am dating a 30 year old who has two kids, and is beautiful and was a physics major in college.

She isn’t dating me for money per se - she is dating me because I am a member of the upper class of this country. I’m smarter and more worldly than the guys she could date her age. I ski instead of snowboard and I have an important job. Unlike the poster above who claimed that the older men she would date exaggerative their money, I am not exaggerating.

Why should I feel compelled to date a 50 year old? I wasn’t looking for a 30 year old, it just happened. She’s beautiful and into me and I like being around her.

This is hilarious.

At 30 she's no dummy. Hope you're using birth control gramps, or got a vasectomy. My friends husband got his AP pregnant though she swore she was on the pill. He makes great money and she gets a nice check each month. At 30 it's about the lifestyle for her pp.

This is hardly unique to 30+ set. I know someone who, at 28, found himself on the business end of a paternity test by way of his 22 yr old girlfriend. One of my classmates in law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok. Another perspective. Feel free to hate.

I am in my early/mid 50s. Went to an Ivy. Very successful. Am in good shape and good looking for my age. I am dating a 30 year old who has two kids, and is beautiful and was a physics major in college.

She isn’t dating me for money per se - she is dating me because I am a member of the upper class of this country. I’m smarter and more worldly than the guys she could date her age. I ski instead of snowboard and I have an important job. Unlike the poster above who claimed that the older men she would date exaggerative their money, I am not exaggerating.

Why should I feel compelled to date a 50 year old? I wasn’t looking for a 30 year old, it just happened. She’s beautiful and into me and I like being around her.

This is hilarious.

At 30 she's no dummy. Hope you're using birth control gramps, or got a vasectomy. My friends husband got his AP pregnant though she swore she was on the pill. He makes great money and she gets a nice check each month. At 30 it's about the lifestyle for her pp.

This is hardly unique to 30+ set. I know someone who, at 28, found himself on the business end of a paternity test by way of his 22 yr old girlfriend. One of my classmates in law school.

Are we supposed to be sympathetic to these men? Sex leads to pregnancy leads to a need for support. When you have sex this is always a risk, even if “she said she was on the pill.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

I give the young women more credit than you. They know what's up. Older men are attracted to their youth, beauty and fertility (if they want kids). What's exploitative about a 25 year old, for whatever reason, dating a 40 or 45 year old guy? Most women wouldn't do it, but if she does, why judge? She can vote, fight in a war, buy a house, but she's being "exploited" if she dates someone more than 10 years her senior?

So what else can we not judge using this logic? Being a sex worker? You can *never* judge if both parties are consenting adults? Nah.

The question is why judge younger women and older men? Sex work, fetishes and other forms of sexual expression would seem to deserve a separate thread. I'm a man in his 50s and if I were to divorce I could not see myself dating someone younger than their 40s. But if another guy or a friend wants to, it would not be something that I would judge.

MYOB seems to be warranted here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

I give the young women more credit than you. They know what's up. Older men are attracted to their youth, beauty and fertility (if they want kids). What's exploitative about a 25 year old, for whatever reason, dating a 40 or 45 year old guy? Most women wouldn't do it, but if she does, why judge? She can vote, fight in a war, buy a house, but she's being "exploited" if she dates someone more than 10 years her senior?

So what else can we not judge using this logic? Being a sex worker? You can *never* judge if both parties are consenting adults? Nah.

The question is why judge younger women and older men? Sex work, fetishes and other forms of sexual expression would seem to deserve a separate thread. I'm a man in his 50s and if I were to divorce I could not see myself dating someone younger than their 40s. But if another guy or a friend wants to, it would not be something that I would judge.

MYOB seems to be warranted here.

Then you can mind your business and I'll keep judging all of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s college aged kid goes to school in Miami. He said none of the best looking women stay on campus on Friday and Saturday nights because their peers can’t afford to take them out. They go into south beach to meet older men that can afford to buy them drinks and show them a good time.

Of course. They are low quality women, and more like their peers spotted them a mile away. South beach is a sleaze bucket and hanging out in bars will net a creepy old guy for sure. Especially in that neck of the woods!

Uh, no. I posted about the same thing happening in LA. We weren't low quality women. We went to a very expensive school that has a low acceptance rate. When we went out on the weekend, we met guys in their late twenties who paid for everything if we ended up dating any of them. We met older guys too, but nobody was interested in them. We got invited to house parties that were catered with bar tenders. When we hung out with guys our own age, we typically paid for ourselves. So, we did both. The only friend I had in college that was in an actual sugar baby arrangement with a much older man was a gay male who I suspect was working through some trouble, but I couldn't say for sure.

Sorry but decent men with a solid foundation aren't interested in club/bar women. Doesn't matter what the educational level is. Solid people know if you're hanging around just to get drinks, and "everything" paid for.

When I was 18-22 years old, I could care less about decent men with a solid foundation. I cared about getting good grades at school and having fun on the weekends. I wasn't in that frame of mind until I was much older. If I had gone to undergrad in a small New England town, I am sure I would have had a different college experience. Somehow I still went to law school, married a decent man I met there and am living a solid UMC lifestyle now. My best friend went to dental school and married a doctor. College in LA or Miami is not the same as college in Hanover or Amherst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

I give the young women more credit than you. They know what's up. Older men are attracted to their youth, beauty and fertility (if they want kids). What's exploitative about a 25 year old, for whatever reason, dating a 40 or 45 year old guy? Most women wouldn't do it, but if she does, why judge? She can vote, fight in a war, buy a house, but she's being "exploited" if she dates someone more than 10 years her senior?

So what else can we not judge using this logic? Being a sex worker? You can *never* judge if both parties are consenting adults? Nah.

The question is why judge younger women and older men? Sex work, fetishes and other forms of sexual expression would seem to deserve a separate thread. I'm a man in his 50s and if I were to divorce I could not see myself dating someone younger than their 40s. But if another guy or a friend wants to, it would not be something that I would judge.

MYOB seems to be warranted here.

Then you can mind your business and I'll keep judging all of the above.

But why? Why judge a man for being with a younger woman, but not if he is with another man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it is exploiting young women for sex. Duh. How is this even a question? Sure they “consent” because they are young and have low self esteem. They think you really like them for their personality, their wit, their charm, and they are flattered. Plus they feel “grown up” to be taken to nicer restaurants, on nicer trips, etc.

I give the young women more credit than you. They know what's up. Older men are attracted to their youth, beauty and fertility (if they want kids). What's exploitative about a 25 year old, for whatever reason, dating a 40 or 45 year old guy? Most women wouldn't do it, but if she does, why judge? She can vote, fight in a war, buy a house, but she's being "exploited" if she dates someone more than 10 years her senior?

So what else can we not judge using this logic? Being a sex worker? You can *never* judge if both parties are consenting adults? Nah.

The question is why judge younger women and older men? Sex work, fetishes and other forms of sexual expression would seem to deserve a separate thread. I'm a man in his 50s and if I were to divorce I could not see myself dating someone younger than their 40s. But if another guy or a friend wants to, it would not be something that I would judge.

MYOB seems to be warranted here.

Then you can mind your business and I'll keep judging all of the above.

But why? Why judge a man for being with a younger woman, but not if he is with another man?

Why the hell would I judge someone for being born gay?!?!?! How offensive, to compare that to being an old lecherous creep.