Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Society fails to support parents and then blames us for having kids when we dare to ask for help during pandemic shutdowns ("school is not childcare"). Personally, we paid $$$$ for IVF because we wanted so badly to be parents. For us, it was 100% worth it, but I see how it would be logical to opt out of parenthood.[/quote


School isn't childcare and you aren't required to be a parent. If you have children you need to be able and prepared to handle them in all circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

We have two biological kids and this is so weird to me. Pregnancy is so taxing on the body (so much prolapse after 3+ pregnancies) and the birthing itself is horrific. It takes so much effort, time, and $ to raise a child properly that I can't phantom having a litter of them. You are supposed to read at least 30 minutes to them every night before bedtime, so even if you had them back to back, which is unhealthy (again, prolapse), the kids will be at different literacy stages, so you'd basically have to spend 2 hours each night doing barely adequate reading. I can't see how anyone with limited resources can raise so many kids properly and give them the right start in life. It will always be a compromise - less personal attention, so and so school district, not a lot of quality food, not a lot of college $. Travel and being exposed to different things are crucial for a developing mind.
One of the PP wrote that large modern families are a sign of binary financial resources (wealth or poverty) and this person is right. I went to college with someone who is one of five and all of them grew up with several governesses, went to the best lower schools, and were shipped to Deerfield in 9th grade. They are all successful and well adjusted. It takes a TON of $ to raise five the right way.

This is true, but it's not just money. I am one of 4 and of me and my siblings 2 of us have kids and 2 of us have chosen not to have kids, the ones with kids have stopped at 2. The reasons are not wanting to be parents or it's impossible to adequately parent more than 2 kids and adequately means more than finances. Interestingly the 2 who have decided to have kids were favored by our parents and recieved the majority of their emotional resources.

But not financial. The 2 without kids didn't need the emotional support beyond what they were already getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am starting to get it now that I have a child.
Not having kids is just protecting oneself from setbacks and disappointments (some would call it lazy and cowardly but who knows).
One can have an SN child and all that it entails.
Or a child that just isn’t quite the inspiration and pride of their parents.
One can get stuck in a bad marriage due to shared kids
People just avoid vulnerability
One may call it lazy or one might call it smart
I think it’s great to have a choice

I'm.pretty sure I just don't want kids. Why is this so difficult for some people to accept?
And before someone asks why I'm on a parenting board, I'm also a nanny and that's how I discovered this place

I haven’t come across a single good reason to bring another human life into this world.

You haven’t met enough of our young people. I see a lot of hope in their ideas and actions.

NP here, but lol ,NO. Absolutely not a good enough reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No parental leave, rising childcare costs? Yeah a lot of people simply can't afford it. I have one kid myself and I have serious doubts about a second simply because of how tight our budget margin will be.

We had 4. Yes there were some lean times but I wouldn’t trade one second of it for the world. I don’t begrudge anyone for not wanting children. That’s their choice and if they feel they can’t bear the responsibility of children for whatever reason it’s best they don’t become a parent. In a way their choice is responsible for their situation when you think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

Nobody will be with you when you are passing away. Americans are terrified of death. If you are in the US, there is a high probability that you will be surrounded by strangers, heavily medicated, after years of dementia and tube feeding.

My father had all of us at his bedside. But you're free to say whatever helps you cope with your loneliness and the fact you're a genetic dead-end who will never understand what it's like to give birth and be a parent and watch children and grandchildren grow.

My great aunt was the mother superior of her convent. Her funeral was full of people she helped as a nun. You don't have to have children to make an impact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Society fails to support parents and then blames us for having kids when we dare to ask for help during pandemic shutdowns ("school is not childcare"). Personally, we paid $$$$ for IVF because we wanted so badly to be parents. For us, it was 100% worth it, but I see how it would be logical to opt out of parenthood.[/quote


School isn't childcare and you aren't required to be a parent. If you have children you need to be able and prepared to handle them in all circumstances.

No, no one is required to do it. But the child-free people will benefit from all of the current children growing up and paying taxes for their social security, and working in all the essential jobs to keep a functioning society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Society fails to support parents and then blames us for having kids when we dare to ask for help during pandemic shutdowns ("school is not childcare"). Personally, we paid $$$$ for IVF because we wanted so badly to be parents. For us, it was 100% worth it, but I see how it would be logical to opt out of parenthood.[/quote


School isn't childcare and you aren't required to be a parent. If you have children you need to be able and prepared to handle them in all circumstances.

No, no one is required to do it. But the child-free people will benefit from all of the current children growing up and paying taxes for their social security, and working in all the essential jobs to keep a functioning society.

Ummm no. Less people in the world - less need for social services - cops, pollution, hospice care, resource drain.

On top of the fact that child-free people are paying taxes currently to subsidize your public schools which are 70-80% of the county budgets in places like Fairfax, Arlington, or Montgomery. In Fairfax alone the annual public school budget is $3.4 billion a year. Imagine if that money was diverted to give everyone a free home, free healthy groceries delivered every day to their doorstep, community physical health initiatives - like the training and conditioning the military receives, better medical care for all etc.

Children cost way more in resources than the elderly who worked all their lives for their social security benefits which are now insolvent thanks to government overspending. Hope they pass that debt ceiling bill before the 15th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No parental leave, rising childcare costs? Yeah a lot of people simply can't afford it. I have one kid myself and I have serious doubts about a second simply because of how tight our budget margin will be.

We had 4. Yes there were some lean times but I wouldn’t trade one second of it for the world. I don’t begrudge anyone for not wanting children. That’s their choice and if they feel they can’t bear the responsibility of children for whatever reason it’s best they don’t become a parent. In a way their choice is responsible for their situation when you think about it.

True but children being a luxury only the rich can afford is a big problem.

[Anonymous]

I am a college educated married immigrant woman who found it ridiculously hard to have a kid in US and also continue my job. It was a huge shock because US is worse than a 3rd world country regarding women's right and protections in the workplace.

Thankfully, my ILs and parents came in rotation for years and stayed on for months so that we were supported in the early childhood phase. Eventually, when we were in better financial health, I quit to become a SAHM. This was only possible because we worked hard to keep our costs down and DH and I have same goals, culture and a great marriage.

For our kids, we are paying all the cost of college, wedding etc, and they are very aware what kind of person they should marry and that they also should remain close to us in DMV so that we can provide childcare etc. I won't be surprised that eventually a multigenerational family structure may emerge as a way to have kids and for women to continue to be in the workforce.

Of course, all others issues remain - current and new pandemic, climate change, breakdown of law and order, prohibitive health care etc,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

Im child free, but have lots of amazing friends and any one of them would be at my bedside if I was dying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a college educated married immigrant woman who found it ridiculously hard to have a kid in US and also continue my job. It was a huge shock because US is worse than a 3rd world country regarding women's right and protections in the workplace.

Thankfully, my ILs and parents came in rotation for years and stayed on for months so that we were supported in the early childhood phase. Eventually, when we were in better financial health, I quit to become a SAHM. This was only possible because we worked hard to keep our costs down and DH and I have same goals, culture and a great marriage.

For our kids, we are paying all the cost of college, wedding etc, and they are very aware what kind of person they should marry and that they also should remain close to us in DMV so that we can provide childcare etc. I won't be surprised that eventually a multigenerational family structure may emerge as a way to have kids and for women to continue to be in the workforce.

Of course, all others issues remain - current and new pandemic, climate change, breakdown of law and order, prohibitive health care etc,

What does that mean? I'm genuinely curious. Only immigrant SAHMs allowed? Or only women who make high six-figures that can afford a nanny? By your wording it could go either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No parental leave, rising childcare costs? Yeah a lot of people simply can't afford it. I have one kid myself and I have serious doubts about a second simply because of how tight our budget margin will be.

We had 4. Yes there were some lean times but I wouldn’t trade one second of it for the world. I don’t begrudge anyone for not wanting children. That’s their choice and if they feel they can’t bear the responsibility of children for whatever reason it’s best they don’t become a parent. In a way their choice is responsible for their situation when you think about it.

True but children being a luxury only the rich can afford is a big problem.

Good thing it's not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am starting to get it now that I have a child.
Not having kids is just protecting oneself from setbacks and disappointments (some would call it lazy and cowardly but who knows).
One can have an SN child and all that it entails.
Or a child that just isn’t quite the inspiration and pride of their parents.
One can get stuck in a bad marriage due to shared kids
People just avoid vulnerability
One may call it lazy or one might call it smart
I think it’s great to have a choice

I'm.pretty sure I just don't want kids. Why is this so difficult for some people to accept?
And before someone asks why I'm on a parenting board, I'm also a nanny and that's how I discovered this place

I haven’t come across a single good reason to bring another human life into this world.

You haven’t met enough of our young people. I see a lot of hope in their ideas and actions.

NP here, but lol ,NO. Absolutely not a good enough reason.

How about the fact that it makes YOU a better person, which in turn is good for society?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Society fails to support parents and then blames us for having kids when we dare to ask for help during pandemic shutdowns ("school is not childcare"). Personally, we paid $$$$ for IVF because we wanted so badly to be parents. For us, it was 100% worth it, but I see how it would be logical to opt out of parenthood.[/quote


School isn't childcare and you aren't required to be a parent. If you have children you need to be able and prepared to handle them in all circumstances.

No, no one is required to do it. But the child-free people will benefit from all of the current children growing up and paying taxes for their social security, and working in all the essential jobs to keep a functioning society.

And we are benefitting you now by paying for your public schools and other resources without using any of the things we're paying for.

Sort of comes out even probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am starting to get it now that I have a child.
Not having kids is just protecting oneself from setbacks and disappointments (some would call it lazy and cowardly but who knows).
One can have an SN child and all that it entails.
Or a child that just isn’t quite the inspiration and pride of their parents.
One can get stuck in a bad marriage due to shared kids
People just avoid vulnerability
One may call it lazy or one might call it smart
I think it’s great to have a choice

I'm.pretty sure I just don't want kids. Why is this so difficult for some people to accept?
And before someone asks why I'm on a parenting board, I'm also a nanny and that's how I discovered this place

I haven’t come across a single good reason to bring another human life into this world.

You haven’t met enough of our young people. I see a lot of hope in their ideas and actions.

NP here, but lol ,NO. Absolutely not a good enough reason.

How about the fact that it makes YOU a better person, which in turn is good for society?

DP(NP?). It really doesn’t.