Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am starting to get it now that I have a child.
Not having kids is just protecting oneself from setbacks and disappointments (some would call it lazy and cowardly but who knows).
One can have an SN child and all that it entails.
Or a child that just isn’t quite the inspiration and pride of their parents.
One can get stuck in a bad marriage due to shared kids
People just avoid vulnerability
One may call it lazy or one might call it smart
I think it’s great to have a choice

I'm.pretty sure I just don't want kids. Why is this so difficult for some people to accept?
And before someone asks why I'm on a parenting board, I'm also a nanny and that's how I discovered this place

I haven’t come across a single good reason to bring another human life into this world.

You haven’t met enough of our young people. I see a lot of hope in their ideas and actions.

[Anonymous]

Society fails to support parents and then blames us for having kids when we dare to ask for help during pandemic shutdowns ("school is not childcare"). Personally, we paid $$$$ for IVF because we wanted so badly to be parents. For us, it was 100% worth it, but I see how it would be logical to opt out of parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

And I think that is great, especially if your body allows you to do it.

I wanted to spend my life raising kids and my body said no. And my paycheck said no to IVF and adoption. The only option open to me is foster care, and the main goal there is reunification with the parents who did so badly the children were taken from them in the first place.

There are going to be more and more of us unable to have kids, and unable to afford to pay to have kids, like back in the old days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I am starting to get it now that I have a child.
Not having kids is just protecting oneself from setbacks and disappointments (some would call it lazy and cowardly but who knows).
One can have an SN child and all that it entails.
Or a child that just isn’t quite the inspiration and pride of their parents.
One can get stuck in a bad marriage due to shared kids
People just avoid vulnerability
One may call it lazy or one might call it smart
I think it’s great to have a choice

+1 Protect oneself and the child (paradoxical).
Unfortunately I too get it after having them. I am envious of the childfree who are confident in their decision and know this beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

And I think that is great, especially if your body allows you to do it.

I wanted to spend my life raising kids and my body said no. And my paycheck said no to IVF and adoption. The only option open to me is foster care, and the main goal there is reunification with the parents who did so badly the children were taken from them in the first place.

There are going to be more and more of us unable to have kids, and unable to afford to pay to have kids, like back in the old days.

Why?

[Anonymous]

No parental leave, rising childcare costs? Yeah a lot of people simply can't afford it. I have one kid myself and I have serious doubts about a second simply because of how tight our budget margin will be.

[Anonymous]

Childfree people have been telling you all for years how great life can be. You got a taste of that when all your colleagues were off traveling the world working remote while you were stuck at home crying and demanding school serve as childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

We have two biological kids and this is so weird to me. Pregnancy is so taxing on the body (so much prolapse after 3+ pregnancies) and the birthing itself is horrific. It takes so much effort, time, and $ to raise a child properly that I can't phantom having a litter of them. You are supposed to read at least 30 minutes to them every night before bedtime, so even if you had them back to back, which is unhealthy (again, prolapse), the kids will be at different literacy stages, so you'd basically have to spend 2 hours each night doing barely adequate reading. I can't see how anyone with limited resources can raise so many kids properly and give them the right start in life. It will always be a compromise - less personal attention, so and so school district, not a lot of quality food, not a lot of college $. Travel and being exposed to different things are crucial for a developing mind.
One of the PP wrote that large modern families are a sign of binary financial resources (wealth or poverty) and this person is right. I went to college with someone who is one of five and all of them grew up with several governesses, went to the best lower schools, and were shipped to Deerfield in 9th grade. They are all successful and well adjusted. It takes a TON of $ to raise five the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

DP. How many of the 800,000 people who died of Covid-19 in the last 18 months had family by their beside when they were gasping their last breath?

I'll give you a hint.

None. I'm sure those iPads were really comforting though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

Nobody will be with you when you are passing away. Americans are terrified of death. If you are in the US, there is a high probability that you will be surrounded by strangers, heavily medicated, after years of dementia and tube feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

We have two biological kids and this is so weird to me. Pregnancy is so taxing on the body (so much prolapse after 3+ pregnancies) and the birthing itself is horrific. It takes so much effort, time, and $ to raise a child properly that I can't phantom having a litter of them. You are supposed to read at least 30 minutes to them every night before bedtime, so even if you had them back to back, which is unhealthy (again, prolapse), the kids will be at different literacy stages, so you'd basically have to spend 2 hours each night doing barely adequate reading. I can't see how anyone with limited resources can raise so many kids properly and give them the right start in life. It will always be a compromise - less personal attention, so and so school district, not a lot of quality food, not a lot of college $. Travel and being exposed to different things are crucial for a developing mind.
One of the PP wrote that large modern families are a sign of binary financial resources (wealth or poverty) and this person is right. I went to college with someone who is one of five and all of them grew up with several governesses, went to the best lower schools, and were shipped to Deerfield in 9th grade. They are all successful and well adjusted. It takes a TON of $ to raise five the right way.

This is true, but it's not just money. I am one of 4 and of me and my siblings 2 of us have kids and 2 of us have chosen not to have kids, the ones with kids have stopped at 2. The reasons are not wanting to be parents or it's impossible to adequately parent more than 2 kids and adequately means more than finances. Interestingly the 2 who have decided to have kids were favored by our parents and recieved the majority of their emotional resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pets have become the new children and fill a gap for many people. I've seen more prescription drug advertisements for pets then ever this year. Clearly people are caring for them and willing to spend money on them like they are children. But unlike children you don't have to worry about daycare or college tuition.

Or heirs or anyone being at your bedside while you die of cancer or old age. Dream big.

Nobody will be with you when you are passing away. Americans are terrified of death. If you are in the US, there is a high probability that you will be surrounded by strangers, heavily medicated, after years of dementia and tube feeding.

My father had all of us at his bedside. But you're free to say whatever helps you cope with your loneliness and the fact you're a genetic dead-end who will never understand what it's like to give birth and be a parent and watch children and grandchildren grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine by me. I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all.

YOu call it a strong drive to reproduce, I call it a breeding fetish.

That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids.

Like I said it's a breeding fetish, it's all about you and not the kids. Parenting is about WAY more than producing as many children as your body will allow.